some steps forward

Around this time last year I asked for more the of the good stuff. I also mentioned that a new year is not a reset button and nothing will change until we make the effort to change things. The more I think about it the more its true. I'm at the stage in my life when the decision of what my life will amount to lies increasingly on me. Its like the safety net has been removed and its scary. And more and more its obvious that nothing will happen unless I move and actually apply myself, recognising it may well take a lot of effort and persistence than I have come to expect.

For 2012 I want things to be different, like radically. That's what I want. I want to be less afraid and over evaluate everything. I want to be bold and take bold steps I think are worth taking. I want a lot of things. But what I need is room to grow even if its a little bit because it matters. Especially to me.

Going to camp taught me that troubles will come and really asking God to take away those problems is not being productive and in some ways its working against God's purposes. Instead seek strength, patience and perseverance throughout the storms and see the salvation of the Lord. He promises to be there through it all, not to watch you fall on your face but to carry you through it.

Loving father keep your promises, and continually remind us of them.
-ONWARD!

some christmas thoughts

This time of the year is a very sentimental time for me. Its like the whole year is leading up to these few days of joy and happiness. And the timing is one that forces you to look back and take time to reflect on the year that has been.

I was looking at the few posts I've made this year and a lot has happened in these 52 weeks or so. I'm glad I'm still here, I'm glad that even through everything that has happened I have in some way become stronger in my faith and knowledge of God.  There were a lot of trying times which I don't wish to discuss, the people that know, know but God has been really kind and merciful and patient with me.

Just like the last post, I'm reminded to remember that I'm not alone in my journey that I have a counsellor who is always there and within reach. I'm reminded that my life won't go easy or smooth or anything like that but regardless there will always be a reason to smile in the midst of it all.

This afternoon a few friends were sharing about some of the difficult times they went through and how they view it in hindsight, with thankfulness, giving glory to God for seeing them through really touch my heart. I didn't share anything because well I often try to protect myself. Maybe I should be more vulnerable to closer friends. But I think if we all take a moment to look back there will be atleast one instance where God has been faithful.

My life is no where near where I want it to be and I'm still learning and growing but despite everything I am grateful for where I am right now and confident that I will see the salvation of the Lord. Someday.

Have a blessed Christmas everyone.

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Remember

Camps are great, especially bible camps. I just got back from one with the theme: 'spiritual discipline' focusing on the 9 fruits of the spirit. In most of the lessons, for me at least, it was nothing I've not heard before but things that I have forgotten and its always good to be reminded. I think I've quoted this before but I'll say it again. 'Humans need to be reminded more than they need to be instructed'. Why? Because we forget easily.

When the Israelites where walking through the red sea, God commanded the leader of each tribe to pick to stone from the sea bed and keep it as a remembrance of their salvation from their Egyptian taskmasters.

When we went through 'peace' as a topic, what struck me is that God does not promise to remove troubles from our lives and make us more comfortable but rather promises to be there in our troubles and help us through it. Its just that that's usually not what we want but it helps me to pray right.

For the past few weeks even this morning in my devotions the message have been the same, remember. To tell you the truth, its really scary to put your trust in God. We read of the Israelites being commanded to go the battlefront where they will be facing two different armies from two nations joining forces to take them down. But all they had to do was to bring their guitars and drums and musical instruments to praise God. Thats a scary and foolish thing to do but in hindsight it saved their life. The armies killed themselves and the people of God needed three days to loot the plunder.

So remember, God is good. His promises are sure, not gonna change. Troubles, challenges, awkward uncomfortable moments even seasons won't go away but we are never alone through these things. Remember that God is good.

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50mm

I've been wanting a dslr for a while. I've actually been going back and forth with my decision. One because of the bulk another is the price of them apples. But atleast I know its going to be a canon and I'll get body only no kit lens nonsense and a 50mm lens. Found this video with 5 reasons why you should have the 50mm in your arsenal, and forgive his language. It seems like swearing is now mainstream.



Oh day 6 will come next week and I won't be available this starting tomorrow, going on a camp out in the woods with ants and mosquitoes and fruit trees. Will continue our challenge on Monday.

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day 5: from a high angle

Day 5 almost didn't happen because of the subject but I think its open to interpretation.

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day 4: something green

Thanks to Yan Hui for letting me use her glasses. The computer on the background is also her's. And guess what's her favourite colour?

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day 3: clouds

Taken near hock lee plaza.

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day 2: what you wore today

Dressed for church.
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day 1: self portrait

So I decided to start a 30 day photography challenge. The aim for me is to take photos everyday not necessarily to be as creative as possible so here's day 1: self portrait.



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the snail made it

Took some pictures the other day and one of them reminded me of what kenin posted on his site - by perseverance, the snail reached the ark.



-ONWARD!

Its comforting to know that God is bigger than our mistakes. Just like a shepherd knows his sheep, dumb as they are. We are known. We matter to Him.

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the other best thing

The other day I talked about my family and how they're one of God's best gift to me. The other best gift are the friends that I have come to know over the years.

I know a lot of people but only a few I can really call friends and they are the best people you'll ever meet. At least to me they are. Whether in Miri or Kuching or KL or Penang or Australia or in Europe or in the States, even in Nigeria. Some of the of them I don't even keep in touch with that often because I'm bad at these things (need to improve here) but it does not mean I don't value the relationship. Trust me I do.

I just feel so grateful to God for letting all these things happen and for the times we have shared and continue to share even now and in the future, I pray for a richer, fuller more meaningful relationship as we all grow into parents and grandparents by God's grace.

Dear God thank you for all my friends, those who come into my life and have left their mark. Those who stay, those who are near and those afar. I pray you watch over them and keep them from the evil one. Let your face shine upon them. Bless their going out and coming in, bless them in the field and at home. Bless the work of their hands. Let their prayers rise to you like sweet smelling incense and hear them when they call upon your name. Thank you dear God. Amen.

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take hold of God

I started reading this book, well its more like a devotional after I went through a heart wrenching time in my life and it was exactly what I needed. It helped me pull through and gave me hope again.

I'm going through it again. Not the heart wrenching part but the book, er devotional. And again its been a constant challenge for me everyday as I read the bible and then the book.

The other day I was reprimanded about the way I use my time and it made me feel... can't find the word but I found out and it made me sad and small that God is grieved every time I waste my time. Today it was Ecclesiastes, young man, or woman, by all means enjoy your life but remember your creator. Don't go forgetting him now, and don't think you still have time because, I discovered, it takes a long long long time to get to know your creator.

Sometimes the word comes through as comfort, sometimes as a warning, other times as a reprimand. But its all good for your spirit. It doesn't just stop at making you think. It forces you to change, even though its ever so small. Its something.

I know this sounds like a promotion for the book, but I don't know how else to share it if not like this. But if there's a point to this post is to restate the title of this devotional, take hold of God and pull. I'm still learning how to do that.

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thank God for family

I don't talk much about my family but I thank God for them. In many ways it have been one of God's greatest gift to me. Just thought I would share that.

Oh and by the way, is there a way to stop digi from sending me three smses all at once when I exceed a certain usage limit for the day? Its really annoying.
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keep rejoicing

Keep on rejoicing in the Lord at all times. I will say it again: Keep on rejoicing! Philippians 4:4

How do you do it Mr. Paul? How do you do it?
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what will it take

So there other day I saw this tweet by James McDonald. He's a pastor in the U.S I think and it says

"The reason so many Christians are trapped in a cycle of sin-confess is be[cause] they don't truly repent". And there's a link to his podcast in which he talks more about what he means, I hope, but I didn't listen to it because my songs and podcasts are on my external hard disk and that hard disk is not with me at the moment but it is an interesting statement.

I don't have much to say about it for now but its been on my mind for a while now and I just wanted to document it somewhere.

I just did a quick google search on repentance and found a nice write up that is worth reading. I guess why I'm posting this up is because, well I struggle with things and I want a way out. And as the title says, what will it take for a person to really abandon everything they have known and have become used to and turn and learn to follow another way and get used to other new things? It should be easier.

Dear God teach me to use my time better. I know you're still working in my life and I don't always cooperate with you so I pray that you will help me change. I want to be a better person, so that one year from now I can look back at this post and know that you have really done something in me. I know there's nothing you cannot do so help me to trust you and make the right decisions each day, to live righteously. I want to experience you in a deeper way. Not so I can't talk about it but so I can be encouraged in my faith. I need that. Thank you.


Ps 119:36-37 (NIV) Turn my heart toward your statutes and not towards selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.

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exams next week (updated)

Keep me in your prayers. Thank you.
Apparently, in the final exams time table the schedule changed so instead of next week my exams are on the 1st , 2nd and 3rd of November.
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let it die

I've been very restless lately, I don't know what to make of it. Something is disturbing my peace and I don't know what it is. Of course there's the usual things we all worry about and it has always been there but never really made me restless before.

The other day I was talking to a rather close friend and we shared a few life stories and I realise how un-different we all generally are. We all go through some of the same stuff and somehow we make it through all the nonsense. Some of us get to look back with gratitude at those impossible moments, others are not so lucky. Still life is good.

I was preparing for a skit for vcf and prepared to do something on the life of Noah. Most people know the story and the lesson behind the story but for me it was very refreshing reading through the life of another human being of whom God praised as the only man doing what was right in the whole world at the time. Think about it. One man in the whole world. Scary isn't it.

Last night I was listening to the book of Job. A great way I've discovered to read the bible is by listening. Bible gateway has audio bibles and you can choose who you want to read the word even though the selection is very limited but you can. And there's a variety of translations to pick from. Job again was another awesome man who God praised in front of the angels and even the devil when he basically came to God's presence uninvited. It was very... can't find the word how God had so much faith in Job. I guess you can say of course he knows everything but still its great to see.

On Sunday I was again reminded how God sees what we can become, and not what we are now. Pastor Hii shared about how when Jesus was born, he had gold, myrrh and frankincense instead of legos and squeaky toys because those men recognised he was not just a baby but a king and their gifts reflected that.

While there's optimism for tomorrow, we still have today to deal with and today doesn't look very optimistic. Sometimes I wish we can just skip and get to the good parts but sadly it doesn't happen that way. Today is messy and today sucks but we have to make the most of today so that we can get to tomorrow where its better. Or at least that's the hope.

Steve Jobs died the other day and one thing I learned from his life is that his work reflected his life. No one can separate the man from apple. Got me thinking, and I realise we are all like that.

Funny I started this post not knowing what to write. Exciting times ahead. This is it. To quote steve, "Death is the best invention of life" or something like that. So don't be afraid to let go. If something really needs to die, let it and let new life spring forth.

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The day Steve Jobs died

I woke up this morning to news that apple's Steve Jobs had passed. The BBC was reporting it and apple.com had his picture with 19955 - 2011 on the left side, it was all over twitter.

It was not a hoax. I usually read a lot of websites in the morning before I even brush my teeth and everyone had something on Steve. The more I read the more emotional I got. I'm really saddened by his death, a true visionary. I actually had tears coming out of my eyes, its ridiculous because I've never met the man and most of his products are so expensive I don't even own one.

The world will miss you Steven Paul Jobs. My condolences to your family.

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F chord guitar

Why am I posting this? Well I'm learning to play the guitar and for a long time I've been, like he said avoiding songs that require me to play the F chord because I'm not used to it now. Well now I'm learning a few new songs and they have this darn chord and its nice to know everyone struggles with this stupid chord. There's also the 'B minor' chord but that's another story.

So if you're also struggling with this chord, well cheer up, with loads of practice we will get better. I personally prefer the old school F chord that he showed because it feels firmer, more solid I guess.

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Are you happy?

After reading this article, I asked myself that question. I'm not happy. I guess the question that follows is why not? I have a dissatisfaction with the way my life has turned out. Don't get me wrong, I think all things considered I am very priviledged but things could be better. Whether its a test I should have done better or a situation I could have handled better or my badminton game that does not seem to be improving, these things get me frustrated and I'm not the kind of person that releases all that in one intense blast of anger. I rationalise, and try to understand why things are the way they are.

{update}
This post has been on draft for a while. I thought it was time to publish.

-ONWARD

The good things

• Waking up to a new day
• The sound of my guitar
• Burger for supper
• Bike rides
• 2pm naps on Sunday
• A beating heart.

-ONWARD!

the good kind of quiet

The other day, I forgot what I was doing but it was rare moment. All applications were minimized, volume was on mute and it was quiet. There are some quiets that are eerie but this one was not like that, it was peaceful, it felt familiar. It was good. It would be cool to have that everyday.

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Some fiction

This is the story of Jack. An ordinary, slightly weird quirky little kid who is always picked on. Even the nicest of people make an excuse to pick on Jack and overtime he has gotten used to it. That's the way it is for me, he thought. Its hard being picked on all the time, he had no confidence, no courage to stand up to his bullies. But the thing with being picked on all the time is that it makes you stronger. So Jack became stronger and could endure the endless teasing and mocking. It became like water on the back of a duck.

Jack grew up and so did the bullies, only this time they're in his workplace. They played all kinds of pranks at his expense and poor Jack just took it in. That's just the way it is for me he thought. One day Jack had really had it. It was one of those days nothing goes well, even for him. He came back home, took a nice warm shower, turned off the light and went to bed early. He couldn't sleep though. He was alone in the dark thinking about how unusually hard his life has been, thinking how unfair it all was and how all the good things never lasts for him. Jack was especially sad that day, he cried in the dark, on his bed, thinking how unfair it all was.

That night Jack had a dream. He was in the park, by the lake. It was a very beautiful day, the weather was just right, almost too good to be true. I guess that's how he knew it was a dream. He was sitting on a bench looking out to the lake and the sky, then he noticed his dad was sitting by his side with him. Now he's convinced its a dream. His dad died when he was just 18, from a heart attack but he looks fine now. Hello Jack, his dad said. Long time no see. Jack didn't talk much when his dad was around. Listen Jack, said his dad, I know you're having a hard time and all but don't let it get you down. Life can be tough I know but you can make it through. You could see Jack's eyes well up and he wanted to cry out, no I can't. I can't do this anymore but he was quiet. I tear dropped down from his left eye and made a small spot on his blue jeans. He sniffles. Dad continues, you're a tough kid Jack, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and we didn't really talk much but there's something I want you to know. See those clouds, Jack looked up. It wasn't a very cloudy day but there were a few clouds in the sky, those thin stretched out ones that look like there were painted. Everyday there's a different one. I used to come out here when I was a kid and just look at the sky. Some days you can make out clouds that look like different animals. I liked horses and I would search for clouds that look like horse but didn't manage to spot one. There were usually bunny clouds and stuff like that but everyday there's a different one. They're all unique, I guess that's why I came back again and again. It never gets boring you know. Jack couldn't see the point to all this talk of clouds so dad says after a while, people are like clouds, they're all different, they're all unique. They may look alike but everyone is just different. You're different Jack. I think I know that dad, Jack says at last.

You can see from dad's eyes that he's trying to cheer up his son but doesn't know how. There's not much a dead man in a dream can do. Dad was quiet for a long time, thinking of what to say to his son then finally he says, I want you to promise me something Jack and I want you to think about it first. I don't have much time but you do. You don't have to answer me now but I want you to promise me that you will never stop trying. Trying to do what? Jack says, just trying, you know, like a bicycle. It doesn't fall as long as its moving. Don't stop trying Jack, can you promise me that? Dad, I... He didn't finish his sentence when just like that dad was gone. I don't know if I can do that dad, he says to himself in a low tone. Those clouds began to darken and it seemed like a storm was approaching so Jack got up and headed for home. Just then he woke up. It was just a dream. But he already knew that.
===
Disclaimer:
Sometimes my imagination gets the better of me. All characters are fictional. That means they're not real. Jack is a real name of a real person and its possible for someone named Jack to have a dad who died when he was 18 but I don't know anyone like that. All relations to actual people is purely coincidental.

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thank you for wet eyes

Thank you, my spirit is happy. I played my small part but you received the glory. Its been a really emotional day for me. My eyes go wet every so often. Thank you.

-ONWARD!

Foundations

What is that unshakable truth about Jesus that keeps you through those hard times? For me its too simple things, God is good, pure good. And that God love me. I know he loves everyone but he loves me. That is the foundation from which all other truths are built on so that when things go south and everything you believe in is shaken and taken away, those truths still remain.

On Thursday, in lifegroup, I learned that that is the revelation of God that we all have. For me its these two, for Peter it was who Jesus really was. He was the son of God. So that even when he denied Jesus three times, and felt discouraged and shameful, even when his confidence took a great knocking, he could still come back to Jesus. Not so for Judas, even though he was with Jesus all these time he never had that revelation of who Jesus really is. Interesting that he was there when Peter spoke those worlds which goes to say that its something each one of us must experience for ourselves individually. He didn't have that confidence, he didn't have the foundations, that is why when he betrayed Jesus he felt guilt, the type that does not lead to repentance but condemns. He killed himself instead of coming back to Jesus for forgiveness. Jesus was just an innocent man to him, not the son of God.

After serving as president of VCF for a year, I decided to reduce my commitment drastically, basically did nothing, I thought that's it. I enjoyed serving, in fact the most meaningful times I've had was with the VCF people, in many many meetings and organising things, sometimes if you don't plan your time well it can get out of hand but being president was in many way a failure to me. I don't think I accomplished anything at the time, and I feel very disappointed by the whole experience that I decided not to take on any such roles again. The disappointment from that experience plus my school performance made me really rebellious. I still went to church, still believe in Jesus and all but was empty inside. kosong, literally no life, no joy just empty. God is still good but maybe not to me. Yeah it made sense then, I guess I was depressed.

It was a very difficult position to be in, because all my life I've been going to church and to totally disconnect from all that didn't appeal to me at all. I was not just going to walk away and do my own thing so somehow I stayed and slowly started to read my bible again, and to pray. Oh just as an aside, I think for prayer, if you think you're not praying enough, all you do are those short prayers, its so much better than nothing because at least you do pray. If you don't pray at all after a while, the next time you try its going to be weird. Really. Anyway, the life of the christian is like coals in a fire, we are all carrying fire in us, but to stay burning we need to stay close together. If one coal goes off on its own away from the fire, it loses heat and soon die and become cold. But the hope is that we can always come back to the fire and slowly get warm and hot again. I think this is an important principle to follow. I think that no matter the disappointment, we should always look to God and remember his revelation. God is good, God love me. Foundations.

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from me to you

You know my heart, you know where I stand, you know me through and through. Even now there are doubts but I want to do this. I really want to. So give me the chance, and help me not to be proud but be humble. Not thinking of myself more highly that I ought to.

Be strong and courageous, that's what you always say and how many times have I heard it. Its some how a reminder that you still think of little ol me. I think that you have done a lot for me over all these years. And yes most times I have taken it for granted but this is the one thing I get to do for you so be with me. May I share in your glory even just a wittle bit.

Forever grateful to you.
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Come thou fount of every blessing

Hymns are the best. I absolutely love them. They're like prayers, intimate and personal. Nothing pretentious or misleading. Just real communication. Come thou fount of every blessing is one of my favourite, if you listen you can see why and Chris Rice's version is also one of my favourite so it ties in well.

This hymn was written by Robert Robinson who obviously had his fair share of struggles.

Here's my heart O take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above. 
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such a letdown

One of the best things about Malaysia is the number of public holidays there are in a year. This Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are holidays and there's another one next month. Friday is technically not a holiday but most people won't bother going for classes. I think the lecturers also feel lazy to teach. The good thing about the break is that it gives me time to really rest and take a break from all the hectic nonsense that is school life.

This holiday won't be a rest holiday because smart and evil Curtin has scheduled all my tests after the break. So I better be studying if I know what's good for me. I can't also go for Isaac and Audrey's wedding in Kuching, something I've been looking forward to since the last wedding I attended in KL. Its a big letdown and I feel very sad to say the least. I don't know how to express my feeling concerning this matter but as the popular resign goes, what to do?

I ran out of things to say.

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my aged computer

I've been having problems with my computer lately. There's never a dull moment with this thing. It overheats a lot and gets really slow when I play facebook games. I have a feeling this is because most of the games I play on facebook are flash games. It could also mean that this laptop that has given me a lot of problems is nearing the end of its useful life. Or the fan is just clogged. Whatever it is I think its about time I got a new computer. I just hope that this piece of crap I'm using at the moment does not die on me when I need it the most.

As a temporary measure I've disabled flash on chrome. Just type about:plugins in the url bar and there will be a list a plugins you are currently using and a link to disable each plugin. I think I'll have to actually turn off my computer when I go to bed also. Lets see how much more life we can squeeze out of my aged computer.

Its funny I was just going through all the posts I've made about this computer, from when Ben, my previous computer died, to the decision to get a dell, and all the weird issues I've been having and compared to Ben, Delia has been a handful.

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where there is hope

There are days when you just want to scream and shout and let it all out there. This was one of those days. Its the end of week 6, choice were made. Time will tell if they were the right one.

Today I learned hope keeps you alive. Not the wishing hope but the expecting hope. You can go through hell with hope and come out of the other side still standing.

Be strong and courageous.
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choose marriage

I was reading this article on the economist about the decline of marriage in Asia and noticed a trend not just in Asia but around the world.

More education has also contributed to the decline of marriage, because Asian women with the most education have always been the most reluctant to wed—and there are now many more highly educated women.

Why is it not possible for a woman to be successful in her career as well as in her marriage? Why must one have to suffer?

I know there are many people who simply don't believe in marriage because of all the failed ones they see all around but I think that marriage is a beautiful thing. Someone said that getting married is the most unselfish thing you can do.

We are a generation of selfish people. That's the reason why no one work things out anymore. No one digs their foot in the mud anymore. We flight when we should fight. And while momentarily it may seem like the right decision, time unveils our mistakes.

Of course I'm generalising here but look into your life and convince yourself that there is some truth here.

Anyway its just me ranting away. I miss writing. Sometimes I wish I could just talk instead of type. Maybe some day but for now given the choice, choose marriage.

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My heart is overwhelmed

My new favourite song.
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stand

It is well. I can love because I know how much you love me. Even when I don't reciprocate it. I will look towards the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. For salvation comes not from the east or the west but from the Lord. Whose report shall we believe? We shall believe the report of the Lord. For we work not by sight but by faith. By strength shall no man prevail. Without me you can do nothing. And having done all this to stand. With my eyes will I see the reward of the wicked. Nothing shall by any means hurt me. I shall live and not die and declare the goodness of the Lord. And when the Lord brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed dreams. And David encouraged himself in the Lord. Be strong and courageous. Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. The steps of the righteous are ordered by God. I write these to you that you may know that you have eternal life. He who drinks of the water I give will never thirst for out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.

I usually don't remember verses and chapters but I know the words. It may seem random but its not. Every time I get discouraged or offended these things just well up from inside. It is well with my soul.

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on devotionals

I've been asked what I use and these days I just read the bible. I was using Our Daily Bread and its nice, I've used it for years. Its a great resource to get into the habit but one thing I have a problem with, because I order by mail, the old editions pile up and I have no idea what to do with them. Of course there's the online edition but I have to go to the website everyday. There's also 'my utmost for his highest' another great devotional. I have not used it before but it comes well recommended by friends.

One that I have used besides ODB is spurgeon's morning and evening. Just do a google search. I find it very encouraging. Its in old English which delights me but could be difficult to understand if English is not your first language or old English is not your thing but its really encouraging to hear the words of Charles Spurgeon as you go out and as you come back home.

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Fear+faith

Fear and faith has been the theme of my week. Our God is an awesome God.
-ONWARD!

Revisiting the N9

Well Nokia has said the N9 will be the only meego os phone that they will release and that got me angry and a lot of things were said both on this blog and the conversations site. I still love this company and it does not matter whether they get bought over my Microsoft, this here is an undying love.

So I've been thinking again about the N9 and if it matters that Nokia will not be supporting this thing going forward and if it makes any sense to buy this phone, again given the right price and I have to say that I would.

My current phone has not been updated in any way or form for the last 3 years and it still runs great. I don't have any apps that I use regularly, well except foursquare which I am told will stop functioning on the 1st of August because it has not been updated with the newest APIs. I don't play mobile games because I don't like the experience and I don;t want an iPhone because it seems like everyone has one already. Android is great but the ones that I like are too expensive. So does it matter that this is a dead-end product?

The one thing that makes me optimistic is Qt. If Nokia can convince developers to use Qt that there's hope because its a write once and deploy to Symbian, Harmattan, and whatever else comes out of the future disruptions division.

I would get the N9 if its priced right. I don't care.
-ONWARD!

It wasn't you

How liberating.
-ONWARD!

What is Stephen Elop up to

I just finished reading an editorial by Paul Miller on Nokia's burning platform Phoenix where he could not make up his mind what he thought about the N9 and Stephen Elop. It's a good read as always so do check it out. I think that the N9 is a great device. I love the hardware, I love the software, and I hope I will love the price when it actually ships.

At this point I feel it important to state a few things.

1. I am a Nokia fan. My current phone is a Nokia N82, before this I had an Nokia N73, before that a Nokia n-gage QD, before that the original n-gage and before that a 3120, my first phone. I have used a Sony Ericsson 'dumb phone' and love it too. There are aspects of the way it works that I think Symbian could have benefited from.
2. I have never bought an Apple device, an Android device, or a Blackberry.
3. This post comes out of my love for Nokia and is my opinion on changes we have seen and continue to observe in the company.

When Stephen Elop was appointed CEO of the Finnish company, he outlined a strategy for the future that comprises of three pillars as he called it.

• Smartphones
• The Next Billion
• Future Disruptions

In the burning platform letter, which I will quote from repeatedly, Elop says this about meego.

We have some brilliant sources of innovation inside Nokia, but we are not bringing it to market fast enough. We thought MeeGo would be a platform for winning high-end smartphones. However, at this rate, by the end of 2011, we might have only one MeeGo product in the market.

So for high end smartphones, they needed something else. Meego just was not being developed fast enough to gain any traction in the market.

In February 2011, at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona, Mr. Elop took the stage to explain why they partnered with Microsoft. He explained that they had to make a decision to follow one of three paths

• To build their own ecosystem around meego and symbian
• To pursue android and make a significant bet on the android ecosystem
• To enter a 'strategic partnership' with Microsoft to build jointly an ecosystem around windows phone

They chose Microsoft because, meego was not producing results as fast as they wanted, meego did not have a viable ecosystem around it. Android did not let them differentiate, they did not want to become just another handset maker like say SonyEricsson or htc, and going with Android would create immense value for Google and ensure a two-horse race between Google and Apple. Going with Microsoft however provided for Redmond a partnership that has value, one that would make it a three-horse race instead of two. And of course Microsoft paid them Billions for the deal. So for the high end market, it will be windows phones.

But what is an ecosystem?

An ecosystem consists of devices, services, third-party providers, a strong app market and delighted customers.

Was meego killed?

Meego was never killed. Meego was to become part of the 'future distruptions' strategy of Nokia. 

Innovation in the field of mobile devices is far from over and Nokia is determined to play a key role in the future of this field. MeeGo will play a key part in this, and continued support for revolutionary research and development work across Nokia’s worldwide research labs, the Qt development framework and independent providers will help to fuel this further.

Here's Nokia's CTO Rich Green talking in February about meego and what it means for their future disruptions strategy.

There. Meego is not dead. At least not entirely. Noticed he says they want feedback on the device they ship 'later this year?' N9 anyone?

N9


The N9 that Nokia has announced runs on meego 1.2 Harmattan. The name Harmattan comes from the maemo line of the family. Meego being maemo + moblin so lets not get confused.

But the real star of the show here is the cross-platform application and UI framework, Qt which Nokia acquired from trolltech. With Qt, developers have a unified development platform for those lingering Symbian^3 devices, the N900 running maemo, meego device(s) and future devices. This is the way forward.

This is what really matters, not necessarily meego. Whatever Operating system Nokia decides use in the future for its 'future disruptions' strategy and whatever it decides to call it. You can be sure that Qt with QML and HTML 5 will be at the heart of it. Here's Rich Green again



In a blog post, Nokia also announced that Qt will be a major component in their 'Next Billion' strategy. Qt is used not only used to develop mobile software but also desktop software and is licensed by many firms. So what is Stephen Elop up to? Search me. I don't what how this all will end.

Paul in his editorial said this;

What I’d be even more worried about, if I were Nokia, is if some uninformed consumer accidentally buys this phone, thinking they’ll be getting a truly competitive product from a respectable company, instead of a beautifully designed dead end.

From my experience, people who buy Nokia phones, well especially in Asia, know what they are buying. They are very well informed. I don't know about the U.S. I certainly am well informed, and would buy this phone. Again given that it is priced right because I love it. I don't care about having a zillion apps on my phone, I don't care about having an always connected experience. I care about the responsiveness and the performance of the device. The main reason why I didn't get the N8 was because it was too expensive for a Symbian device. I don't think Nokia priced it competitively enough. Plus there were report of overheating issues with the earlier models that shipped and well until this thing actually ships we won't know what issues it has but from all I've seen its best looking phone in the market. And I don't think its a dead end device its just that we don't know what Nokia will do.
-
Resources
Nokia Strategy 2011
Stephen Elop talks to the press at Mobile World Congress in Barcelona
Qt
Qt (wikipedia)
Warning: This is not MeeGo
Nokia Conversations (Youtube)

Differences between Fremantle Update7 and Harmattan Beta SDK releases
Harmattan is the name of the software program that comes after Fremantle / Maemo 5

MeeGo scales, because Linux scales
Meego 1.2 Harmattan Platform guide
Meego Devices
Nokia’s burning platform might have been a phoenix

-ONWARD!

what am I saved from?

 A few years ago, I thought of this question and I could not really give a convincing answer to it until quite recently. "What are you saved from? And what are you saved to?" It seems rather simple right but like I said, my answer was never convincing.

Sometimes I'm ashamed to even call myself a christian. You would expect that some of these struggles would be easy by now but its hard every time. I remember when God met Moses, he asked him, what is that in your hand, and Moses was holding a staff. I don't really know what's in my hand.

When I say I'm a christian, I'm not saying I'm good, I'm saying there's no good in me and I need help. I'm saying that without the words of God in my life, there's not restraint to the evil I am capable of. The bible says the heart of man is desperately evil and without the strong hand of God, redeeming the christian, there is simply no hope.

So what am I saved from? Hopelessness. Inherently unable to do any good. And what am I saved to? That's for another post.

-ONWARD!

lets talk

Its fathers day so I sent a message to my dad.
me: happy fathers day daddy
dad: thns

We have real deep conversations like this all the time.

-ONWARD!

I got bored

I got bored and made this little poster thingy following this guide. Its super easy and I like the faded colours :)

-ONWARD!

Nyan Cat

I don't know how long this video has been on the web but I'm only finding out now. It has 16 million views by the time I saw it and made me laugh so hard I don't know if its because it funny or cute or both but I want to share here.

-ONWARD!

I've got you

Just a quick note to say I'm glad I have this blog. Its been a mixed bag but life's like that. Today there was a lot of reflecting and there's so much more to come is all I can say. Remaining hopeful but learning to fight harder.

-ONWARD!

Take me over

I think I should preface this post by saying that I am not a super awesome Christian, I have my challenges and struggles but I see hope no where else but in Jesus. So every time I stray, I always come back, because where else can you find unfailing love?

I love Michael W Smith. His albums are always deeply intimate and Wonder is no exception. I think its a great source of encouragement and extremely uplifting. If you are depressed just pick a song that hits a chord and set it to repeat until those healing words sinks in.

I like this song in particular because its simple, intimate and glorious.



Just to rest in your arms
close enough to hear your heart
just to kneel at your feet
where everything fades away and I sing

Jesus Jesus take me over now
I surrender
everything I have, I lay it down
all of me

With a glimpse of your face
all my fears melt away
lost within your embrace
I'm pouring my admiration
-ONWARD!

because you're with me.

I don't know if I've posted this before but I was just listening to it again and this line meant something to me; "...because you're with me, I will not fear."

-ONWARD!

Exams on thursday

I have exams on Thursday, keep me in prayers. I usually know the stuff but for some reason my hands and head don't cooperate when I hit the exam room. Pray I don't make silly mistakes like forgetting to read the instructions. Lost some marks in test because of that. It still hurts to think about it.

-ONWARD!

xxvi

Its the 7th of May 2011 while I write this. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel on my birthday so I thought since I'm waiting for a movie to download on this Saturday night I might share some things.

This year I don't plan on celebrating. Last year I had the pleasure of having dinner with some of my closest friends and it was a blast. Most of them are no more here now so I don't quite see the point of celebrating. Well actually I never really longed to celebrate my birthday, sometimes I forget the day altogether. I know its weird but that's just the way it is.

Any words of wisdom?
26 years. Wow, they keep adding up. Well I'm not wise so I don't have any wise words to give just some observations. This year well part of last year and this year I've been reading books that challenge me to try things for myself instead of simply accepting whatever has been summarised with the phase 'well that's just the way it is'. Naturally I like to question things but sadly don't dwell long to get meaningful conclusions. So if there's something to share it would be that, don't just believe, find out for yourself and be convinced. Then your belief will turn to conviction and you will not be shaken because by now you would have proof.

Another observation, well discovery for me. No matter how introverted I get, I still need social interactions. Life becomes mundane, dull and unpleasant without friends around. Its amazing how exciting even a desert can be when you have all your friends around. I guess well its one of those philosophical things. I was talking to my friend and she was like 'where are all the real guys?' and went on to say a couple of other thing...maybe I shouldn't tell this story. Feel like I'm digging a hole for myself. So yeah make friends if you can, if you need help join clubs. The frisbee club in Curtin has a reputation of producing couples. I have proof.

Since three is a magic number, I'll say make the right choices even if you have to make a fool of yourself, face embarrassment, be rejected, heartbroken, alone, sad. Make them, and have no regrets, knowing that you did what was right will save you from a conscience that will eat you up and lock up your peace. You don't want that. I once read in a book, be brave, even though you are not, no one can tell the difference.

I think finally, and this may be more important than the previous three, don't be selfish. Many times, you will have a choice to put yourself ahead of others, don't do it. Call it a test or whatever. Just don't. I can't think of a faster way to lose yourself than making yourself look more important at the expense of other people.

So there it is. Happy birthday to me. The older you get the more memories you will have, some will be very good ones, hopefully. Others will be unpleasant or just painful. Don't dwell on the unpleasant ones. They have a way of overshadowing all the good ones. Things happen, learn from it and move on. Live your life because this is it.

[Update]
So the world did not end. After church, thanks pastor for saying its my birthday in the pulpit, we went for lunch at Double star, our default after church lunch place, it was a nice cake, and I am happy.

My sisters called, I talked to mum, and my brother, my other sister sent me an authentic birthday message, and dad sent a text. Yes I am happy. Oh yeah thanks everyone who posted on facebook. I think I replied to everyone.
-ONWARD

rapture 2011

The short of it is this. Yes there's such a thing as rapture. No its not today. Why is it not today?  Well some people claim they know the day while no one can really know. Here's what the bible says:

However, no one knows the day or the hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son (Jesus)* himself. Only the Father (God)* knows. Matthew 24:36

*Emphasis mine.

-ONWARD!

blogger and comments and changes

Blogger has been down for a while now, someone screwed up something and we all have to suffer. I still have my most recent post missing.

Comments are back on but you have to click individual posts to see them. Or not.

Changed the look of the blog a bit. Its now two columns instead of the previous three. The grey-ish background is gone, replaced with plain white. The entire page width has been increased a tad to 960px, fonts didn't change much I still prefer Georgia to most of the fonts available now.

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The way I see it

The way I see it, everyone deserves a second chance. We all make mistakes, a wrong turn somewhere along the road, no one is flawless not you, not me, not anyone. If we can only admit it and go easy on each other things will be okay. Maybe we can start something new, strike off the past, take a different look at where we are and where we want to be.

The way I see it, the past is the past. There's nothing you can do to change it. There's no point going through past events, past disappointments, past regrets. There's diligence in pondering to see where there has been a wrong, there's diligence in stock taking but only with the aim to improve. The temptation to wonder how things would have been if... is a temptation to avoid indeed. There's nothing we can do about it, the past, its gone. However there's something we can do about today and the days ahead.

The way I see it, everyone deserves a chance to hope. I once read a book and remember a quote 'don't take away hope from a person, it may be all they have left'. It is the hope of something good, something better, that keeps us going sometimes. It is the hope that tomorrow will be a better day that keeps us alive today. It is the hope that thing change that helps us persevere. Hope is a powerful thing. Makes us lose sleep, endure hardship, ignore pain, go against reason, believe in the impossible. When there is life, there is hope.

The way I see it, life is meaningless without God. Seek Him, however long it takes. Seek Him even though you fail. To seek Him is not a mistake.

The way I see it, life is worth living. Enjoy your life, because this is it.

-ONWARD!

Ramona and Beezus

Ramona and Beezus by moviestune

This has got to be the most fun movie I've ever watched.

-ONWARD

Happy Easter

Last week I was walking and hit my big toe against a stone and it started bleeding. Actually I was surprised the cut was as deep as it was because this kind of thing happens to me quite regularly. But it bled and me being me, well I got light headed. I can't stand blood, usually its just an uncomfortable feeling but that day I felt like I was going to faint. Thankfully there were people with me and a first aid crew, we were on a camp.

Today in church as the video of Jesus' crucifixion was showed, I wondered if Jesus can stand blood. I remember the pain I was in, it was a small but deepish cut yet still painful yet this man took many cuts to his body for me.

I was just thinking how I miss my mummy and how I'm so far away from home, how I have less friends around, feeling sorry for myself but this day is not about me. Its about this man.

I've been trying to learn the song amazing love (you are my king) on my guitar and a little chord called Bminor is not cooperating with my fingers :) Its all about him him him him. Not about me me me me me.



Happy Easter.

-ONWARD

bigger

There's so much I wish I could write here but alas I must wait for the right time.

Bigger
I must remember that You are bigger than all these things. I must remember that nothing surpasses You. Please help me remember.

Wedding
You know you are old when all your friends are getting married. Wishing Angela and Ben a wonderful married life ahead. I still remember when she was jumping up and down in bethany because she got to go to KL to study, she was so excited and now she's getting married in a matter of days. Awesome stuff.

Streamyx
After oh I don't know a month? of using maxis broadband and their 3GB quota and almost losing my mind, I'll be getting streamyx (read no quotas) internet. To be fair, the speeds are decent when you are within your quota but in this day and age its no where sufficient. I use up the darn thing in 6 days and for the rest of the month have to suffer less than dial-up speeds well no more.

Oh yeah I got a guitar. Yay, I guess. Aaand thats it. Enjoy your life because "this is it".

-ONWARD

Love You by The Free Design

Just watched Stranger than fiction again and this song ended the credits. I like it.



Give a little time for the child within you,
don’t be afraid to be young and free.
Undo the locks and throw away the keys
and take off your shoes and socks, and run you.
La, la, la...

Give a little time for the child within you,
don’t be afraid to be young and free.
Undo the locks and throw away the keys
and take off your shoes and socks, and run you.
La, la, la...

Run through the meadow and scare up the milking cows
Run down the beach kicking clouds of sand
Walk a windy weather day, feel your face blow away
Stop and listen: Love you.

Roll like a circus clown, put away your circus frown
Ride on a roller coaster upside down
Waltzing Matilda, Carey loves a kinkatchoo
Joey catch a kangaroo, hug you.

Dandylion, milkweed, silky on a sunny sky
Reach out and hitch a ride and float on by
Balloons down below catching colors of the rainbow
red, blue and yellow-green: I love you.

Bicycles, tricycles, ice cream candy
Lollypops, popsicles, licorice sticks
Solomon Grundy, Raggedy Andy
Tweedledum and Tweedledee, home free.

Cowboys and Indians, puppydogs and sandpails
Beachballs and baseballs and basketballs, too.
I love forget-me-nots, fluffernutters, sugarpops
I’ll hug you and kiss you and love you
La, la, la... Love you.

-ONWARD

Consumed

Consumed is a worship album, not the type they make these days but they type they should make more of.
I have never really listened to Jesus Culture, I always thought they made a different kind of music than what I experienced in Consumed, their album from a few years ago.

The album reminds me of the early years of planetshakers. In this album, I feel like I'm there, in the room of a small group of people just giving their worship to God, nothing special, nothing complicated, no fighting over chords or thinking how to make it sound better, just simple playing and worshipping. I've missed this in most of the mainstream music bands. I still enjoy worship from Hillsong and I have more of their albums than any other but I guess this is more intimate. Most songs are over 4 minutes long but I doesn't feel draggy. If anything you just want it to go on.

My thoughts on some specific songs.

Heaven is Here
This song reminds me of parachute band. I think its a similar style to the New Zealand band. Heaven is Jesus. Sometime we forget but it really is true. Its not about the streets of gold or the mansions, but its all about Him. Love the voice of the lead singer though :)

Holding Nothing Back
First contact with this song was from Tim Hughes' album by the same name. It sounds different, I'm not sure if I like JC's cover better but I think it has its place :)

Revelation Song
I must say if I have a favourite song from the album it would be this one. It has a familiar feeling to it. Its one of those songs you can just flow with immediately even though you have never heard it before. A pure worship songs declaring the Majesty of the King. Be my everything.


Oh Lord You're Beautiful
This song reminds me of Terry MacAlmon, I don't know why but in my mind I imagine him singing it as he plays the piano as he does so very well. It sounds like a hymn, something someone wrote years ago while pondering the ways of God. It is beautiful. The first verse of this song,

Oh Lord, You're beautiful
Your face is all I seek,
And when Your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

could well be the only verse and I won't lose its potency. It feels like prayer, you know, the types that don't make you feel like your prayer is too short but those that are simple, from the heart, short and concise.

Obsession
This song reminds me of Delirious? I checked the songs I have of the band but couldn't find the song, but it feels like I've heard it before somewhere. A quick google search reveals my suspicion to be correct. That voice, its unmistakable. At first glance, I feel this song paints the picture of a good christian, someone whose heart burns for the King yet it also reveals our frailty, its like Paul saying the things I want to do I don't do, yet the things I don't to do I do. Still my heart burns for you. Even though

I am so filthy with my sin
And I carry pride like a disease

my heart still burns for you. I don't think we can ever understand the extent of God's grace and mercy.

I've got the album on my phone, on my computer and I've been listening a lot, and I have been drawn closer to the King. So thank you Jesus Culture, and thank you Shellyn for the introduction.

-ONWARD

made my day

Fly this banner over every wound and regret: Satan meant it for evil, but God meant it for good. (Gen. 50:20)

-ONWARD

my hate-hate relationship

In the latest installment in my hate-hate relationship with Dell and my inspiron 1420, just the other day I woke up to find my computer off. I usually live it running days on end, thinking nothing of it, when i tried to turn on the computer, it came on for a while and i wondered why it was running on battery but didn't care too much, it was on or so i thought until after 2 minutes it went off, the battery does not last the 2hrs it used to. There was no indication that the power adapter is faulty, it just decided one day to stop working, the power led indicator was still on but for some reason it was not powering the system.

I needed a new one and guess how much you can get it from Dell? Rm 189. They make cheap computers that break right after your warranty expires and then when something breaks they charge you 200 bucks for it. Luckily I found someone on lowyat forum who was selling the 90w adapters for 80, shipping cost me another 10 bucks extra. Usually i won't buy from people selling stuff on forums but decided to take the risk and fortunately for me it paid off, the package took one day to arrive and everything is fine for now. I dont know how long more before something else breaks.

-ONWARD

The heart no longer skips a beat. The world is a better place :)

-ONWARD

bonds of friendship

The past few days have been very meaningful. I was talking to a dear friend and we lamented how with time some of the bonds that holds friendships together become lose and close friends drift apart. And how the older you get the less people you have around you, so these past few days have been especially meaningful for me, to spend time with the few friends I have.

I've been in Kuching since December and once again its time to say goodbye, maybe this time for good and its hard for me leaving this place but I know its the right thing to do. This is where I practically grew up and will always have a special place in my heart.

I'm going to miss everything, the games of risk, makan, or just hanging out with you all. I always feel like I come here empty and I go back full. I was shocked the other day when I weighed myself and gained 3kg. I'm not sure if the scale is accurate or not. I hope not.

Father bless them, and keep them, may the bonds that hold us together never tire, never weaken, never break. 

-ONWARD

Brooke Fraser - Who Are We Fooling

On this special day, for you. Brooke Fraser is the best :)

-ONWARD

Everything seems so silly now. How come all these things happen at the same time? I feel so stupid.

-ONWARD

Choices: what I want, what they want.
In the end what they want always trump what I want.Here's to heeding.

-ONWARD

happy chinese new year 2011

fireworks, originally uploaded by guchi guchi.

Happy year of the Bunny to all my Chinese Friends :)

one of those blessings

One the blessings that I can say I enjoy is the opportunity to serve with the people in Bethany and everytime I come back to Kuching, its another opportunity. Back in Miri at least I have the excuse of school and VCF but not so here since everytime I'm here, I'm on break.

I've been blessed to be part of the ReadingBus trips to various kampungs (villages) around Kuching, teaching kids how to read and now with the Rural Children's Church Programme there's another opportunity to give, to bless the kids with all that we have been blessed with.

Starting off with Kampung Karu where I'm amazed how well the kids can read. Some don't actually understand what they're reading but atleast they know the words. The last trip challenged my perception of people. I talked to a kid who was shy and didn't speak loud enough and I asked him if he could read and he didn't say anything, just the typical shy smile. So I asked him to read and was taken aback when he could confidently read words 10 to 12 lettters long. Sometimes our ideas of people are totally wrong.

Its nice to see the ReadingBus grow from one Kampung in Kuching to many Kampungs in Miri, Sabah and other parts of Malaysia. I hope that you can be a part of something great where ever you are.



-ONWARD

God is good yes?

This day started rather rotten, the whole day I was overwhelmed by all the worries and stuff. Had no mood for anything, you can say emo. But on this day when my heart was heavy, overwhelmed by all the troubles around me. On this day when I couldn't find a reason to be happy, on this day when I tried to reassure myself that God is good, I get this message telling me to forget the past, God is beginning a new thing. Coincidence? I don't think so. God loves me. He just proved it today.

Here's what my sister wrote
Do not remember the things of the past, don't even consider them. Behold I do a new things, now it shall spring forth. I'll make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert says the Lord of host (isa 43: 18 - 19) Good morning.

God is good.
-ONWARD

something heavenly

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) - Sanctus Real

You never let me go. Thank you.

-ONWARD

to the guardian of my soul

Oh guardian of my soul, vanquish these tempests in my heart for I am unable to fend them off by myself. Bring me to your calm streams and let me listen to their gentle flow. Restore to me strength and fervor, may I delight in you, complete, lacking nothing.

Bring me to conviction and free me from guilt. May my conscience be always clear before you. May your peace be my comfort. My your mercies never seize on my behalf.

Let the paths I tread be those you have shown, and when I place my feet amiss let your love guide me back. Forgive my many sins, and lead me in the path of everlasting life. May I know you as you are.

Its been a while :)

-ONWARD

my searching

I've been reading this book By Searching by Isobel Kuhn and its been very interesting. Its a really old book and narrates some of her proving of God for herself. This was way back in the 1920s so the English is stimulating. I think its a good read whether you believe in God or not. And when I say proving its not the same as testing if God exists but more of a 'i want you to be real to me God' and a 'i want to have my own experiences of you God so please reveal yourself to me'. I think its necessary to have these experiences because times will come when you start to question yourself. Doubt is a terrible thing.

One thing though. I see at the time that it cost her some of the things she likes to get to know God in a more intimate way and I guess thats where the problem lies for a lot of people. Would I give up my games, twitter, facebook time to get to know God more intimately? Is the whole experience worth it? I'm not done with the book but she says it is.

-ONWARD