What is that unshakable truth about Jesus that keeps you through those hard times? For me its too simple things, God is good, pure good. And that God love me. I know he loves everyone but he loves me. That is the foundation from which all other truths are built on so that when things go south and everything you believe in is shaken and taken away, those truths still remain.
On Thursday, in lifegroup, I learned that that is the revelation of God that we all have. For me its these two, for Peter it was who Jesus really was. He was the son of God. So that even when he denied Jesus three times, and felt discouraged and shameful, even when his confidence took a great knocking, he could still come back to Jesus. Not so for Judas, even though he was with Jesus all these time he never had that revelation of who Jesus really is. Interesting that he was there when Peter spoke those worlds which goes to say that its something each one of us must experience for ourselves individually. He didn't have that confidence, he didn't have the foundations, that is why when he betrayed Jesus he felt guilt, the type that does not lead to repentance but condemns. He killed himself instead of coming back to Jesus for forgiveness. Jesus was just an innocent man to him, not the son of God.
After serving as president of VCF for a year, I decided to reduce my commitment drastically, basically did nothing, I thought that's it. I enjoyed serving, in fact the most meaningful times I've had was with the VCF people, in many many meetings and organising things, sometimes if you don't plan your time well it can get out of hand but being president was in many way a failure to me. I don't think I accomplished anything at the time, and I feel very disappointed by the whole experience that I decided not to take on any such roles again. The disappointment from that experience plus my school performance made me really rebellious. I still went to church, still believe in Jesus and all but was empty inside. kosong, literally no life, no joy just empty. God is still good but maybe not to me. Yeah it made sense then, I guess I was depressed.
It was a very difficult position to be in, because all my life I've been going to church and to totally disconnect from all that didn't appeal to me at all. I was not just going to walk away and do my own thing so somehow I stayed and slowly started to read my bible again, and to pray. Oh just as an aside, I think for prayer, if you think you're not praying enough, all you do are those short prayers, its so much better than nothing because at least you do pray. If you don't pray at all after a while, the next time you try its going to be weird. Really. Anyway, the life of the christian is like coals in a fire, we are all carrying fire in us, but to stay burning we need to stay close together. If one coal goes off on its own away from the fire, it loses heat and soon die and become cold. But the hope is that we can always come back to the fire and slowly get warm and hot again. I think this is an important principle to follow. I think that no matter the disappointment, we should always look to God and remember his revelation. God is good, God love me. Foundations.
-ONWARD!