140

Its the last day of October, and my 140th post, and also about 14days to my first paper. Also i have a quiz to study for today. It carries no marks but its another preparation for the big day.

I'm tempted to say, no more internet, no more blogging, from now on its study study study but it just doesn't work for me. I have a rather short attention span.

We had two friends from Youth With A Mission based in the Hawaiian island of Maui last night in our life group. They shared a bit on how prayer has helped them along their ministry to the people mostly in Borneo and how they were suppose to just pass by miri to Brunei for an opportunty to speak there but amongst them was a South African and he was denied entry. Apparently he needs a visa, like me.

One thing that i was reminded of, and its interesting how these things keep coming up is how prayer is suppose to be a communication with God and not just a request time. I quote one of my favourite quotes on prayer and God, "God is not a celestial vending machine..."

Many times prayer can be relegated to morning s and evenings but what happens to the rest of the day? Ah! so busy, no time for anything. True but what is really important? I must say this is how my days have been for a while now, school has been so engaging that i hardly think about God as the day progresses.

There's nothing, in all our pursuits thats more important than that relationship with God, and relationships need communication to survive.

I want to talk to you more Lord, everyday, to find a chance to know what you want. What can i do for you for a change?

~shalom~

thank God for today

What an eventful day. I thank God for this day. Yesterday i was so fed up i considered shutting down this blog because i thought to myself, whats the point? I set up this blog for two reason, the first is to give glory to God and be an encouragement however i can, and the other is to connect with friends and keep in touch with everyone and lately i feel i've not been fulfilling any of these objectives and if not for the crappy internet i get that didn't let me connect, the post would have gone up and that would be it but thank God for today.

So what happened today?
Well it actually started yesterday when we went to EYM and discussed about the life of Joseph how he had a God perspective in everything, we never find him bitter through all the misfortunes and wickedness that his own brothers showed towards him, he didnt let that change him, he didnt hold it against him, and he kept performing at his best even in the lowest demoralising situations where he would have sulked and felt pity for himself. He didnt, and he was a human being like me. We also talked about monuments and how they make us remember the past or something significant, and how we can build monuments that remind us of the unfairness and hurt that we go through. I remembered the sad messages i hung on to and how it reminded me of all the hurts and promptly deleted them. Its so true bah.

So what happened today?
Well today i got a taste of a Nigerian service in the form of pastor Gbenga. He was talking about knowing who you are, and how you cannot know who you are until you know whose you are. We belong to God yeah true but how much of this God do we really know? Can we stand like puny {I've been longing to use the word puny} David in the face of Goliath the Giant and call him names when the other more qualified soldiers are shaking in their boots? Can we make fun of the priests of baal like Elijah? I was really challenged today, but felt a bit worried for the Malaysians that had to listen to this typical Nigerian service, with the yelling and shouting but i feel they enjoyed Pastor Gbena's active illustrations :)

Where do you go from here?
I'm really tired of feeling sorry for myself, whats done is done, and there's nothing that i can do to change that. All i have is today, all i can do is live every today for God so that when i retire at the end of the day i can be satisfied that i'm living according to his purposes. For ALL THINGS work together for the good for those who love God, to them that are called according to his purposes.

My offering stays...

~shalom~

I am not alright

There's the song from i think its ReliantK and part of this song says 'I am not alright, i broken inside, broken inside...' Today i feel kind of like that. I dunno why but i just feel kind of depressed at the moment. No i'm not scared to say it, i feel i need to be honest about certain things. My mom always say identifying the a problem is the first part to solving a problem and she's right.

Maybe it was all the sad messages i read last night. I dont know why i still hang on to them but i like collecting things and part of me feels its historical and should stay but i cannot keep them at the expense of my well-being.

I went to the shower this morning and just thanked God for everything that has happened over the years, i remembered thinking to myself some years back before i came to Malaysia how i didnt want to become a doctor, besides being terrified of blood and not fancying reading the volumes that made up biology. I remember thinking of the enormous responsibility doctors have, and how the life of someone is in their hands and if they make even the slightest error it could cost the life of a father, breadwinner or a soulmate. The fear of that responsibility griped me and as i thought of it this morning it became apparent that even as an engineer they also have this responsibility of human lives albeit in an indirect way. And even programmers who make softwares carry some weight of this responsibility. And i thought of how i have carried my responsibility out and how i keep failing in them.

But i find it equally interesting that God allows these things to happen, someone once asked me why God allows people to fail even when he can help, and she answered her own question when she said it was to develop a greater trust and faith in us but there's one more thing that i see. The way i see God is as someone who is infinitely wiser and better than me in everything i do or even think is possible. And Jesus feels what we feel but through it all he's perfecting us, making us more like him, more like what we are created for. So even though there's pain and anger and unanswered questions and dare i say doubt? He's looking at what you will become after its all over. And thats the joy, thats what we should be looking at but man is so nearsighted that all we see is now and the immediate.

I just finished class still down my friend came online and asked if i have ever been angry with someone and we talked for a while and i discovered he's just like me, broken inside but we managed to {in a few words} look at anger with God's perspective. And that we have a choice to shun the wrong and do the right.

Just now i went to jolina's blog and she had this all familiar quote

Life can give us a hundred reasons to cry ='(
But we can give a thousand reasons to smile =)

And just reading that i felt encouragement, and looking at my site records i discovered there were two visits to the post i made before leaving Kuching adequately titled think about his love and I cannot help but feel God reaching out to me on this one day i feel very weird inside. So i live you with the lyrics to the song, think about his love, praying that he will indeed satisfy your desires.

Think About His Love
- Written by: Walt Harrah -
© 1987 Integrity's Hosanna! Music

Think about His love
Think about His goodness
Think about His grace
That's brought us through

For as high as the heavens above
So great is the measure of our Father's love
Great is the measure of our Father's love

How could I forget His love
How could I forget His mercy
He satisfies - He satisfies
He satisfies my desires
Great is the measure of our Father's love

~shalom~

getting to know you.

Some of you may be unaware but i have this neat tool provided by google no surprise, that lets me get useful statistics about this site. For example. I know that most people who visit this blog are from malaysia, mostly in kuching, miri and some other parts of west Malaysia. More on that in a moment. I also know that more people prefer to use firefox than internet explorer which is a good thing. And the most commonly used screen resolution is 1024x768 {same as mine} along with other useful data.

Why do i need this?
Curiousity they said killed the cat which is why i'm glad i'm not a cat but i guess i just need to know. I don't have people's ip addresses for example, that would be stalking. But i'm fascinated to know people visit the site from all over the world. I've had hits from Japan {hey i'm Japanese bah}, South Africa, UK {wonder who that could be?}, Sweden, Germany, Indonesia, Australia, Canada, but a lot lately from the US and consistently too.

What do you know?
I know this much, my dedicated US reader is in the state of virginia, you use windows most of the time but also linux sometimes, visits regularly and by the time spent on the site i'm guessing he/she {i'll just call you dude}, dude reads most of my post but never comments or anything. So please dude {sorry if you're a girl} please reveal yourself. I hope i don't shock you with the revelation but the truth is many sites these days use these tools to better target their customers and content. While it is most unlikely i will tailor the posts here to suit anyone in particular, it would help me to be more aware and explain things everyday Malaysians would understand.

In west Malaysia, I get people from Kajang. Do i know anyone in Kajang? Please say hello la. I'm not begging for comments just want to know who you is. If you need to remain anonymous its fine, i hope the blog is a blessing to you.

~shalom~

without you

Big daddy weave is among one of my favourite artists because of the quality of his lyrics. These days you listen to 'christian songs' and don't feel like you're praising God or anything. Its nice but lacks a certain something that makes you feel better and they tend to lift you high temporarily. Sad that christian songs have become so secular.

I like this song because its very relevant to my life at the moment and i feel i'm not the only one. Besides that its a nice song. I can't live without you, i dont wanna try to, live one more moment without you - beautiful.

Without you - big daddy weave

Would we hear the sound
Of breathing in the dark
Where would be life’s spark
Without You
Would the birds ever sing
Would the wind move through the trees
Could I touch the grass so green
Under this big sky be so blue
Without You

And the sun doesn’t shine
And my world stops spinnin’ round
Without You
Tell me where else could I ever find
The peace that floods this heart of mine
Without You

Who could fill, the emptiness inside
Who would ease the pain, in my broken heart
Who would come in and abide
Promise never to depart
Without You

I can’t live without You
I don’t want to try to
Live one more moment without You

This is my prayer Lord.

~shalom~

stay one more night: the bario hospitality

I came back from Bario, one of the greatest places in Borneo. The reason we went {the were 6 of us} was to transport musical equipments to smk Bario and to teach them how to take good care of the equipment so they can use it for a long time.

Smk Bario is quite unique in that the seniors of the school are form three. After form three they have to go to Marudi to continue their studies. Not sure why its like that but there's basically no higher education after form three in the school.

We received a very warm welcome. A very formal welcome to the school so much that i felt like a dignitary. True to the Bario warm hospitality, they offer pineapple drink to all visitors, doesn't matter if you've been there before, its their way of saying thank you for coming, we receive you. The drink is fantastic, its basically pineapple with a straw in it, and you have to drink all the way until its finished. The also offered the bead neacklaces for everyone of us, Bario rice and salt. On top of that they played the local flutes for us singing all christian songs. Wah i tell you the feeling is very good. But we came to serve not to be served la.

Pastor Hii, his daughter Charis, Michael and Robin came earlier in the year, so this was the second trip to Bario for them. For Edward and myself it was our first trip. I was told Bario is quite cold so most of my clothes were black and i came with my jacket but surprisingly it wasn't that cold. In fact in the afternoons its quite warm. The nights are cold but not as cold as say genting. What is cold though is the water so taking shower can be quite a challenge. But even the water feels cold only initially after that it becomes sweet and enjoyable, you dont want to come out.

We were fed like kings all through our time there, we stayed at the school in a chalet style house. There was electricity the whole time we were there. The main source of electricity in Bario is through diesel generators. Some people supplement this with solar panels. The house we stayed didnt have any TV but the other houses had astro but we didnt really have time to watch tv.

Setting up the equipments was fun. The students were very enthusiastic to learn the instruments. A few of them were already quite good especially on the drums and guitar so a bulk of the time was spent teaching them new techniques and inspiring them to be creative in their worship leading. This session was basically done by Robin. He's really good with the kids.

On the first night we had a male bonding time, just talking about stuff, life, relationships and stuff. Pastor Hii really enjoyed himself but basically Edward and Michael were playing match maker for Robin. I didn't participate much and well you can understand if i dont talk about the details of what transpired.

We got the chance to go deep into the forest into the place where they make the salt. Its not like the normal white salt we're all used to. The process of making the salt is very tedious. We didnt see it live being made but brother Morris {the pengatuan} explained the process to us. The journey to the salt spring is very long, about 20min on bike and then another 45min on foot. Good exercise however it became apperent i need to get into shape. I was panting the whole journey but it was nice la except for the bumpy roads, my butt still hurts.

Overall i had a very good time. Would love to go again sometime with a better camera so i can really take better shots. I find i really enjoy taking pictures. Anyway, here are a few pictures from the trip. More pictures at my flickr page. {I need a pro account} Sorry the post is kind of long.


We went on this small plane. Surprisingly the ride was very smooth.


Inside of the plane


Michael riding at the back of the hilux


Smk Bario


They played very beautifully


Testimony time = singing time and they all come out to sing


This is for the internet i guess.


You may have heard about the revival that broke out in Bario. This is where it took place.


One of the sessions


Bridge


tiger beer in the forest


walk the plank


there were a lot of fern on the path


this is where they make salt


What does lubang garam mean? I'm thinking salt spring?


R loves P


this is where the salt comes from


some description of the site


inside the hut


my boots


we had fun here


motobike rides are really nice


bario museum


this is where we stayed


selamat datang ke bario


i was kind of scared sitting so close to the propellers.


can even see the cockpit one


Large supplies come to Bario on boats.


the roads snake though the jungle


we stopped over at marudi for a while, bought marudi bread


not sure whats going on here.

Thank God for Everything.

~shalom~

off to bario

This weekend i'll be going off to Bario with some of the brothers in church. We're going off to transport some musical instruments to the church there, as well as teach the folks how to use the instruments.... I think i've said this before.

I'm excited, at times like this i wish i had a camera i can call my own and really take as much shorts as possible. I could borrow someone's camera but then would be held liable for any damages so that leaves my camera phone.

I'm looking forward to the famous Bario rice and pineapples, but i have concerns over the kind of weather to expect over there. My body does not handle cold very well so it could be a challenge. There will be tours of the... place. And some workshops in the evening time.

Pray
Please pray for a safe journey to and fro, and a wonderful time. Please pray that we would get to transport all the instruments and that it would bless the people there. Will update when i come back on Monday, remain blessed.

~shalom~

Testimonies for September

No i didn't forget. I've been thinking, what really happened in September that i want to thank God for? What significant thing can i look back on and be really grateful? A lot happened last month. I was reminded and still am being reminded that happiness is a choice we choose everyday as long as we live. And there is no true happiness without God, everything is just temporary and fake. I also reflected on committments and how the committments we make help us make the right decisions or the wrong ones. I once read a book that adviced to support something that you are committed to with your time, money and influence. I think thats solid advice, and its a shame sometimes when people break committments, when we break our committments with God and with other people.

September also saw another birthday being celebrated, sam was +1 last month, that was fun. I'm glad to be part of it. But basically what i want to thank God for last month is really for the small things.

I want to thank God for my family for that way he has kept us and for his faithfulness everyday. For my dad for keeping him safe through all his journeys and travels, for my sisters and my brother, i feel so blessed knowing they're ok.

I want to thank God for providing for me everyday, for his protection, He that watches over me does not sleep or slumber even though i do. Thank God for my church, for putting me in a stategic place where i can hear the truth about the word of God. For opportunities that are opening up in various areas of my life.

I especially want to thank God for these 3months, there have been many changes but i'm still here. And i know even though sometimes your ways i cannot understand. I'll never walk away because my future is in your hands.

Help me Lord to trust you more, to grow deeper in my faith, help my weaknesses that I may not cause pain or bring shame to your name. Keep me Lord in your love, and by your grace help me take the sometimes unreasonable paths to your presence and your purpose. For in my own way i am foolish, but in your ways i appear to be wise. Thank You Lord for this month.

~shalom~

do the dance: evans almighty

Usually when i give my thoughts about movies, its about movies i watch in the cinema but i think i'll make an exception on this one.

Evan Almighty, only now i get to watch it but i'm glad my initial thoughts about it were wrong. Full of humour, sometimes cynical, funny, with good solid morals and values. Honestly i feel movies that makes you feel like you want to be a better person should be made more especially in this our time where there is so much meaninglessness. I'm reminded of what Dr. Ravi Zacharias would say...meaninglessness does not come from weary of pain, meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure. In this pleasure filled world, sometimes its hard to find time to just appreciate what we have, fresh air, hot sun, good home, friends who care, always there. Our health, we are the blessed generation someone said.

Again i see hinderances to the call of a man, when you are asked to do something thats out of the ordinary, to stand out, to be different. There are always forces that want to maintain the status quo, want things to be the way they used to be but where's the fun in that? Sure it would be nice to have people around you to support and help you along the way but there are some battles that you must fight alone, you know what you know, and you can't explain it, no one will understand yet you know its the right thing to do. Do you do it anyway and let God take care of the rest, make them realise, show them? Or do you give up and maintain the status quo, for peace sake? Be called names, feel pain and rejection, abandoned. I'm sure we at some point have felt this way but there is hope, if you keep pressing on. Keep pressing on the pressure thats pressing you.

I went to do my laundry the other day and met a friend, so we were just talking and this same thing came up, how do you handle tough times and pressure? Many times for me i'll just back up and throw my hands in the air and give up, but thats not the way its suppose to be. We are suppose to go through it, like those three hebrew boys who went through the fire, think they were not scared? I think they were terrified but they went anyway and in it God shows his glory. In the end its all about him.

Sometimes i can imagine when i'm going through a painful time and i just feel like giving up, and i come to him and say, i can't do this anymore, sometimes i feel like the whole of heaven is there telling me cheer up, its like this: I'm in the middle of the road, with a hard path before me and i've gone half the way and it seems like there's no end in sight, i feel like the cloud open and i see the majestic support of heaven, people i dont know but who seem familiar, cheering me on, you can do it oguchi they yell, come on! it won't be long now they cheer. I can imagine them side by side in the crowds stand clapping with such joy and hope in their eyes. We believe in you. With such encouragement it feels out of place to give up.

Here's one man who went against the odds, made a difference, changed the world, the crazy guy. He represents us. We are the crazy guys who do things because someone called G said so. This song was sang in church today and before they sang it, it was singing in my heart.

Thank You for the cross the mighty cross,

That you would save such as us

And everyday we're changed into your image more and more

Yes by the cross we've truely being transformed
We're so amazed and we give you praise

For you have saved us at such a cost

We're so amazed and we give you praise

For the power of the cross.

I love this song. I love you Lord, thank You for the cross.

And about that dance, I have a funny dance of my own :) God bless you.

~shalom~

I want to be still

I got this from someone i don't even know yet.

Reminder: Be still and know that I am God

Lord, grant me a quiet heart
Before the examinations start;
Teach me to use my leisure hours,
To invigorate my powers.

My mind from daydreams liberate,
Give me the will to concentrate;
From all distractions set me free,
That in my studies I may be.

A student with a sole intent
To make my work a sacrament;
From my faint heart in love expel
All fears of failure that therein dwell.

And from my pillow drive away,
All dark forebodings of the day;
Help me in faith to rest so deep
That I may have untroubled sleep.

While notes and subjects I prepare,
May I not lose my zest for prayers;
And may I not forget to look
For daily guidance in thy Book

In quietness, confidence and peace,
May I have quick and sure release;
From needless fears and apprehension
From outward strain and inward tension.

And may I ever grateful be
To all who offer prayers for me
While for myself I intercede
For others too, I plead.

So my examinations find
Each one alert in heart and mind
Thus inward joy and peace possessing,
May examinations provide a source of blessing!

I believe its from God, because it really describes what i'm going through, its truly the prayer of my heart and my prayer too for everyone having exams or facing the pressures of school. Be still and know that He is God.

~shalom~

another birthday

Yes there was another birthday this time it Candace's birthday. So we celebrated for her too. She was very happy even though we didn't manage to make it a surprise party but she was happy lo.

I find it interesting how human relationships and connections occur. I got to know them {Candace and her gang} through Dominic, we usually take the shuttle bus at the same time on Tuesdays and have breakfast first. Well he has breakfast, i don't usually take my breakfast so i order a drink or something. And almost every Tuesday we'll meet up in the same table with these girls and just eat and chit chat until i have to go for my lab.

A few more pictures of the big day.


Snoopy


I like this shot


All gone


So many gifts

Now I know you must be thinking, how come we have so many parties ah? I also don't know but we do get to study too.


The pencil case is mine


I like this shot too.

Take care everyone.

~shalom~