whats really important

So i've been thinking. This blog has been a lot of things and in the future i hope it won't be a lot of things but have a focus. I still don't know what it is yet, still thinking what i want to do with it.

Things have been rather chaotic for me. Its important that i have peace on the inside for me to function properly and there's not been a whole lot of those lately. Its been rather messy.

Ever ask yourself the question "whats really important"? Pray for me.

-ONWARD

words from an old man

Life is the creation by God and if you would know God, be not a solver of
riddles. Look about you and you shall see Him playing with your children. Look
into the air and you shall see him walking in the clouds, out-stretching his
arms in the lightning and descending in rain. You shall see him smiling in
flowers, then rising and waving his hands in trees.

(more)

-ONWARD

music+colour

Ólafur Arnalds - Ljósið (Official Music Video) from Erased Tapes on Vimeo.

Official music video for 'Ljósið' taken from Ólafur Arnalds - 'Found Songs' (2009) available on Limited Edition CD/10" Vinyl and Download here: store.erasedtapes.com



Director: Esteban Diácono

Label: Erased Tapes Records

Year: 2009

Album: Found Songs

Length: 3’30’’

Music written by: Ólafur Arnalds

Publisher: Nettwerk One

Copyright: © 2009 Erased Tapes Records.

Website: foundsongs.erasedtapes.com

-ONWARD

back on fb

Selamat Hari Raya to all those celebrating. I don't think i have many malay friends. Anyways tomorrow marks the end of my long absence from facebook and i must say i'm looking forward to more facebook. So whats the whole point? Well I need to learn self-control.

Now i'm not sure what i'll do on fb. I can't continue all my games where i left off. That would make all this effort useless so i guess no more games for me. Sad really.

Was not really in a good mood last week. I just hate it when you put so much time and effort into something and still its not enough, its very frustrating. It kind of reminds you that there are limits to what you can do. But very very frustrating it is.

Bought a book from popular, 10 dumb things smart christians believe. Thanks to Reuben for showing it to me. Its one of those books that challenge what you believe and have accepted but not in a haha loser kind of way but in a this could be so much easier kind of way. Anyways good read and goodbye for now.

-ONWARD

thoughts on a bus

I wrote this a while ago on a trip to kuching by road. And while i've done this a number of times, i don't recommend it to anyone. The bus trip that is.

Its 3.10 in the morning, we just made our 3rd rest stop of the journey. We didn't leave on time, I think we were close to an hour late. I think they were waiting for the rest of the passengers to board.

To my left is a rather young man. I don't know his name, never talked to him and to my right is a chinese woman who i can describe as grim and morbid. Her demeanor is in sharp contrast to the ladies in front. They can't seem to stop smiling. And i don't think its because they're happy. No one can be that happy. But i think its joy. I think there's joy up front but somehow it didn't progress to the back where my seat unfortunately is.

As a result of where i'm seating, i feel the slightest vibrations the bus experiences and there's little leg room so I would twist and turn my feet to make sure i can still use them. There should be a law that prevents people with long legs from sitting in places with limited leg room. Its absolutely... bad.

This was typed on my phone. Well its 3.10 now and i'm sleepy so gnite.

-ONWARD

gracias

Thanks for the bus driver who waited for me today,
thanks for being able to talk to you today,
thanks for xbox with friends,
:) thanks for my friends.
Thanks for today.
-ONWARD

myDay

Oh yeah and i ripped off the windows vista logo off my computer. It was gathering dirt around the edges.
-ONWARD

keep singing

Lately this song has been on my heart. I think i've had it for a few years now but only now its really jumped out. Keep Singing by Mercyme

Another rainy day
I can't recall having sunshine on my face
All I feel is pain
All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through

I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing

Oh You're everything I need
And I gotta keep singing

-ONWARD

have you heard?

So how are you?

This week has been very frustrating with the internet connection being what it is. I went to the forums and almost everyone is complaining. Gave up on calling the streamyx people because they never seem to fix the problem just tell me the same routine things, reset your modem, bypass the splitter yada yada.

Just a thought

We all have weaknesses and talking about other people is interesting but is it right? Is it worth all the hurts and troubles it causes?

Gossip betrays a confidence but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

Proverbs 11:13

A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.

Proverbs 16:28

A gossip betrays confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much

Proverbs 20:19

Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down

Proverbs 26:20

The words of gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts

Proverbs 26:22

Words of a wise man. I think we'll be much happier if we apply some of the wisdom from proverbs myself included.

Father help us all to speak words of life and encouragement. Give us the grace to control our tongues. Convict us of our wrong holy spirit and help us change.

-ONWARD

his masterpiece

We have this thing on friday afternoons where we go around the campus and ask students a few questions about God and one of the questions we ask is, in your opinion, do you think God is a personal God or an impersonal God and we have to explain what that means because some people have no understanding of this. All this is new to them.

I just watched this movie, the ghost of past girlfriends and i've been putting off watching it because the title gives away alot and i don't want to be all emo again well today i wanted to watch something and its one of the newer movies i have and have not watched yet, plus mr. J constantine said its a good movie so i was like what the heck.

You know the saying dont judge a book by its cover? Its my belief that people ordinarily don't change, the older we get the more set in our ways we become. But then there's something that happens when some one comes in contact with God and he does things to him that are so incredible, you will need faith not to believe in Him. Only God breaks the rule here. After the movie was over i just thought to myself, will i ever become like that? I know its ridiculus but this is what i do. I can't help it.

And you know what? After a few sessions on friday, i have come to treasure what i have. This faith in Jesus that i have. I have come to treasure it because we take it for granted that God is a personal God, that He provides all these mechanisms and systems to make our life generally more bearable and we forget that not everyone has that. Some people grow up all their lives without any pillars no strong towers to hide in, nothing firm and unshakable. Thats why people get into relationships. Love conquers everything right and then maybe something doesn't work out and they're in disaster mode. Nothing to hold on to. We take it for granted sometimes that He hears us when we pray, that He says come to me when you are burdened and i will give you rest. Not everyone has that. Not everyone know what to do in these situations. Thats why they drink and do other things to numb themselves because life's tough. And its much tougher when you're all alone.

I was sitting here wondering if i will become like that someday and you know what? I could hear as if someone talking to me. Not in an audible voice like any other person but in more of an inner voice, you're not like that. You are my masterpiece, and i love you. Drove me to tears. Today i was telling someone that there's nothing we can do to deserve God's grace, God's love, His mercy. We cannot earn it. We can only value it. And treasure it.

If you are a child of God, i think He's saying the same thing to you, You are my masterpiece, and I love You. This verse comes to mind.

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

Jude 1:24

-ONWARD

thank God you're a man

Ok let me explain. I don't mean to be prejudice or encourage the consumption of alcoholic drinks but this just made me laugh :)

Have a great weekend.

-ONWARD

i am blessed

Ello :)

Went for a prayer meeting this evening. Gosh how i miss communual prayer. Haven't had one in months but yeah it was very refreshing.

You know i used to expect God to speak to me directly but as i grow older i come to realise that God is always speaking to me. Just i'm not very attentive to catch it. Maybe some thought, or suddenly i remember a verse or have a feeling to ask someone i've not talked to for a while how they're doing.

Was especially touched by the song in worship Majesty (here i am).... Your grace has found me just as i am, empty handed but alive in your hands...sanctified by glory and fire. I am blessed :)

-ONWARD

9.9.09

What a day! I finished one assignment and submitted one lab in the nick of time. I have to say its very thrilling to do things last minute but when it becomes a habit it can be dangerous. I'm tempted to make a resolution in this matter but i know better not to do that.

Facebook is evil!

Most of you will agree. I think its not evil in itself, just that most often it is misused. That said, my absence from fb continues until the 22nd of this month.

We had a talk in VCF today on time management and how to organise our time and i discovered or rather was reminded what i already know, i spend way too much time on the internet for my own good. Now there's a fine line between researching for information or staying up to date but just like the fb thing, it all comes down to how much of your time you are willing to waste. Time is not money. Money can be stored, regained, not so with time. And the most frightening thing is that we all will give an account to the maker of time on how we have spent it.

On being empty, i recognise that i don't really have someone to hold me accountable, challenge me with regards to my spiritual life and that it might well be a phase, a season in my life. One that i want to see pass as soon as possible. I've been listening to some of the sermons i've neglected for a while now and they have been life to me. We need each other.

Senadin {Senadin is the place i live} experienced shortage, no a lack of water for a whole day yesterday and it was interesting to see the reaction of everyone. The coffee shops were full because most people who cook at home could not. Made me wonder how the cs wash their plates and prepare their food. Many people bought boxes of mineral water, so much that i'm suprised the shop didn't increase the price. Some went to town for the simple pleasure of taking a bath. Makes you value even things like water we take so much for granted.

-ONWARD

where is your heart

I've been on a self declared absence from facebook because i play too many games on there and i spend more than the time i have on the darn thing. Its a good thing. I think its dangerous when we let the things we make with our hands become our masters. Yet all i've done was to replace one evil with another. Time away from fb means time with other things, not necessarily time saved. So yeah.

I've been reading this book, ordering your private world and its been immensely useful to me. It targetted towards the disorganised and forces your to tackle the disorder in your world. If you're a leader in any area or just have trouble getting organised or both then i would suggest you get one from your local christian store. You can thank me later.

Had a talk with a rather close friend the other day. Its been a while since we said anything to each other. My heart still skips :) glad she's doing alright.

Where is your heart?

I'm tempted to start this part with you know when... but i don't think many of you will understand. For a while there's just been an ice age in my world. There's momentary summer but winter has stayed too long and this heart has very little to beat. It certainly is not getting stronger or fighting for anything. Feels like someone turned out the sun and left just the stars on. You can still see but its not the same.

Here i go trying to explain something in a very complicated introvert-ish way. But i'm like that. Gives me pleasure to be able to do that especially knowing there's probably a smile on your face knowing exactly what i mean.

I want my heart back, i want my sun back.

-ONWARD

msn messages (part 2)

After the first installment, i'm compelled to share yet again your personal messages.

• Live each day better than yesterday
• time dont wait and pause for u!!!
• Alex is happy because after 3 months of hard work..Results come in...Thank God
• The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong time; just like every four seasons have its own purpose, so is our life
• walking by faith
• im no longer someone's girlfriend.................
• Difficulty only serves to better the joy at the end...
• i need space......
• world's apart
• still you hear me when i'm calling...
• Doing Finance nw~He is a devil today, he will be a devil forever~
• Goodbye Kuching!
• XOXO Gossip Girl
• walking
• Thank you Lord for showing me your ways...
• Finally Internet is back..
• Tomorrow holiday?
• BONDS
• Continual sickness

Compared to last time, there are non repeating pms which is good, means you all are actively changing.

-ONWARD