learning from house

One of the best things to have in life is a friend, someone to talk to, share you life, get mad at, fight with, grow up with... For many people this is true, for many more its not.

In our lives we will have the choice or choices as to who this person, or people if you're lucky will be. Sometimes we don't choose them, they choose us. Sometimes there's no choice.

I've been watching house and the medical stuff is interesting if that floats your boat but for me its the life stuff, the perceptions, beliefs and values that this particular man has built his life around. I find him incredible the way he is attracted to the more difficult cases and how he somehow finds a solution making him ultimately indispensable to the hospital.

Life is not so simple and the values and ideas we hold on to are sometimes challenged and we have to make a choice whether to continue holding on to them or embrace something new, to ask the hard questions about what we really believe and why.

In this particular episode there's a girl who was raped and she wound up with house, there was something about him that attracted her to him and through the encounter was able to challenge him on some of the fundamental ideas he held, made the closed up coop open up to reveal a dark past.

When things go bad, someone disappoints you, a close friend becomes distant, there's betrayal and stuff like that its easy to find shelter and safety inside your own shell and decide thats it, i won't open up to anyone again, how can i trust anyone again. Sure your life may never be the same again but it would be a terrible shame to allow the things people do to you to alter the person you were meant to be.

Sure this is an incredibly difficult thing to do and dare i say almost impossible but therein lies the test of knowledge. If you know who i am and my purpose in this world and what talents and gifts God has given me to share then it makes no difference whether i am praised to scorned, whether someone is being nice to or not, whether they deserve a second chance or not, whether i should right them off or not. It makes no difference and the decision to love them regardless should make sense.

As i write this i'm also reminded of people i need to forgive and let go. I was reminded on Sunday that even Jesus had the scars on him hands and feet where they hurt him, so its ok if we remember those scars but he didn't hold anything against them and i should do the same.

My view of the world is constantly being redefined, and the more i experience the more challenging it is to actually give that gift, that talent that is inherent in my life out to anyone who needs it, to share and not hoard, to let go, to do the right thing. Its interesting how its immensely easier to do the wrong thing whereas it take a whole lot of effort to do the right thing. But in the end its so worth all the effort.

I hope this brings comfort to someone, even though i have a propensity to be vague most of the time but to close a quote that a love.

Faith never gives up,
it knows that despite appearances all is well.

God bless you.

~shalom~

for those times

I know things should be settled by now, it should have sunk in but there are times when i unconsciously reflect and i don't mean to but its hard to just ignore. And most times its like nothing else is real, like everything stopped, like the present fades away to the background and i'm me again.

I guess there's no point holding on to these things, even treasures are cast over board in a storm. I never thought it would be this difficult to let go but lead me through it, i'll follow you :)

Listening to some classic music now, and there's something about it that calms, and settles, relaxes and helps me focus on whats more important. I don't know about tomorrow or the day after that, but for today, shine the light on my path, i'll follow you.

xie xie

~shalom~

dream clouds sky

I didn't believe it could happen but this afternoon i took a nap and i had a dream. Guess what its about?

All week i've been wanting to go out and shoot something (take pictures). The sky was just so lovely on Sunday and i didn't bring my camera along.

Oh yeah so back to the dream. I dreamt i was in some kind of commonwealth gathering in a large auditorium, the stage had the widest screen you're even seen and they just looped pictures of clouds, nice silky white clouds with lovely blue sky. The photographers where outside, setting up and i thought i would just take a picture of the silhuete of people standing fixing cables and getting things ready with the sky as the background. I took some shot and they didnt looks as good as i wanted so i changed the settings and tried again but then the background was changed. :bummer:

I think i'm getting hooked on this photography things. Can't wait for exams to be over. ^.^

~shalom~

do the hard thing

I've been listening more and more to john piper. And on his last podcast he talks about this thing called the rebelution. Its basically a message by young people, to young people to "rebel against low expectations" to walk the hard road, to be more.

On his last podcast he talked about how Paul was saying to Timothy not to despise his youth, saying don't let the adults look down on you. You have the power to change them by the way you live. Live responsively, honour them, listen to your advice and even though they expect very little from you because well you're young don't give them that privilege. You have the power to influence them.

In this time in my life, i guess i need strong leadership, and i need something to devote my life's passion and a purpose i can live for for the rest of my life and dedicate all my time, talents and treasures to.

So please someone buy me this book. There's a good review here. I've been visiting this blog quite often and i'll put a link to it in the links section.

~shalom~

love peace and happiness

The more i listen to this song the more i think to myself how come i don't listen to these types of song. I need to rediscover my root man!
~shalom~

hairy issue

Here i go again. I want a mac :sob: :sob: just missed an opportunity to get the black macbook for 4k plus. Itfusion was phasing out their old macs by own i mean the previous models before the update to core two duo and multi-touch track pads for the mbpro. It was a pretty good deal but didn't have the $$$. One day! There's a new mac shop in miri; optiprimus at bintang. Their stock is quite limited but still good to know macs are gettin popular.

How have i been?
Ok la. A lot of work to do still so lazy to do anything. Some i don't understand and dunno who to ask for help. Two assignments due after the free week and one major test to do. :sigh: I need the will to do my work.

Sorry for those who tried to contact me through msn, i have a bad habit of leaving my computer on all through the night and sometimes when i'm not at home.

After much hesitation i finally shaved yesterday. I wanted to keep it like you know who but decided it was getting out of hand. I kind of like it but its just messy so out came the blade and in one stroke bye-bye facial hair. Kept the mustache though, i have no reason to shave that one off yet. There's a good step-by-step guide to doing it right here. I found it useful la.

But tragedy happened, my shaving gel decided it wasn't going to stay in the pressurised can and bailed as soon as i let it loose for the first time. There goes my money.

I want to sell my printer la, who wants to buy a Lexmark z12 inkjet printer with free colour ink and some paper?

~shalom~

Hunger passes

So my mom sends me a few books on relationships and i know she's worried she cannot give me advice at this stage in my life but i think she'll be surprised at what i already know and have been through. I guess she still thinks i'm her nice little boy.

The book has been nice, i initially didnt want to read it because I actually thought she was over-reacting but i guess she's a mom and i can't make her worry less, all i can do is cause her to have less reasons to worry about me. I've not been a very good son of late.

Oh yeah back to the book. Ah it basically talks about the hunger of feeling loved and having something dear, someone you can call your own and how we make mistakes if we are not careful. Sometimes its just best to wait of God and allow him to give us his best at his time. It can be difficult especially when everyone around you seems to be hooking up with someone and its easy to feel what about me? When? Well Michelle {the author of the book. Yes its a lady} says to focus of God and know that he truly loves you and has your best interest at heart.

I remember when I was starting out on my relationship, pastor cheli jokingly asked me..."seems like you really like x" and i said maybe, and i still remember what he said, seek God first. At that time i didn't really want to consider that option because i was scared God will say wait but somehow we went ahead and met a lot of struggles and difficulties that have shaped our lives and made us who we are now, stronger more understanding. But some of the heartaches would have been avoided. I always say this, if i had to do it all over again i'll still choose her but not so soon. I guess i was so excited to have my first ever gf that i didn't want anything to mess it up.

Now looking back i think God is now saying, ok you tried that now let me show you a better way. Its scary letting go but I once trusted God with my future and my everything and he has always been faithful but somehow i strayed and put my trust in other things. This time he's taking back what belongs to him and every other thing will have to give.

I'm no more scared or worried I believe in Him and i trust him to give me the best and i want to follow him with all my strength and see where this all leads. I believe God restores all the years that have been misused but in my life especially i need to be more focused on him and not let other things take that special place in my life that only Him can occupy. Its really important.

So what now? My focus, direction in life have shifted. My goals are different now and i really want to try new things and allow His word to change my life, slowly or rapidly. I won't struggle anymore. You got me Lord! Your move.

~shalom~

WOW

Don't stop the children from coming to me. I miss those days, innocence, simple, pure.





~Shalom~

change

The older we get the more bent on our ways we become, in other words it gets increasingly difficult to change.

There are a lot of things in my life i would like to change, like having more discipline and acting more responsively but its really difficult to just will it and do it. I guess thats where the discipline comes.

Sometimes change comes when something drastic happens in our lives. Like when saul met Jesus on his way to damascus and his whole life was completely changed without his consent.

Sometimes i wish something like that would happen to me, course me to change and redefine my life forever. I seriously need to let go of a lot of things and embrace the possibilities of the new whatever they may be, something new la.

Was talking to someone at the bus stop the other day and she was going on about how she wants to quit her studies because its not fun. And i felt i sounded old when i said, life is only fun when you are young, the older you get the more difficult life becomes and thus less fun, and she admitted, i'm young. Poor thing, she's only 17 and wants to quit school. I'm not being judgemental or anything but the conversation made me realise how critical and over realistic i have become and how things are no more just one sided. All sides needs to be considered.

Increasingly i'm having to draw more of God's strength and wisdom to do my work and to live a more sensible life because i want to change and I need his help to cause all the changes in my life that i desire. Besides all that i can't really do anything without his help.

Father i just want to give my best, i dont want to struggle with some of the old things anymore, i need you. Help me be brave, help me be strong, help me be courageous. Thank you Lord :)

~shalom~

Is this really true?

God doesn't particularly value goody-goody people. God loves bad people - deceiving, doubting, despairing, troubled people; loud-mouths and shiftless ones who get ahead by hook and crook - such are the covenant people God seeks out and passionately wants to save if they put up a fight for life when they get into a jam.

What are your thoughts, i'm still thinking about it.

Update
What i feel this guy is trying to say is that, instead of acting like we have no problems, like we're ok, we need to acknowledge that yes indeed Lord, i'm a mess thats why i need you to make me a better person. I can't continue this way i need your help.

~shalom~

hari ini

Today...
I got a package from my mom. She sent some stuff along with 5 books, like i need any more books. I just got one on saturday and there are loads i've not read yet but thanks mummy, i appreciate them. Guess what they're on. I'll give you a hint R...........

I bought a 4gig apacer pen drive for 48bucks. I thought it was a good deal. I got a 4gig kingston for 77 at the pc fair in kuching last december. There's going to be a pc fair in miri this weekend. Might go check it out if i have transport.

Someone paid for my bus ride back home. This is the second time this has happened to me. No i'm not broke, not yet and its just 50sen but i feel so blessed by that. Makes me feel like i need to bless someone else in return.

I'm much better, reality has sunk in. I'm in a good shape, i'm good.

~shalom~

(:

day by day

Be careful for nothing but in everything through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guide your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus.

I just want to thank you for standing with me, thanks kimberly, and jasmine. I really appreciate your support.

After all the fireworks and the waterworks, stepping back i see things a bit clearly now. Definitely things don't always go the way we want but i want to try to surrender my life and future to God's hands and not worry about all the things that will happen now or in the future. God indeed has been good to me, i feel so blessed. I am his workmanship, the clay in his hands and he's on my side.

O-tou san, gomen-nasai. I want to learn to trust you completely, no more to be afraid, to be strong, to be bold, to stand+fight to live my days one day at a time.

~shalom~

i will sing for you

I simply live for you

If i have to name one of my favourite songs of all time this would be it. Was reminded of it this morning, it just rose from inside. Sometimes i wish i could play a musical instrument to be able to really express myself but i guess my lousy singing will do.



Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep, I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind, praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You

Chorus:
As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place
In worship, we will meet You face to face
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted
And save all my tears
By Your word, You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do
I simply live, I simply live for You

~shalom~

tomorrow

tomorrow that sun will shine
it might just rain
the birds will come out
it might be hot
some will go to church
sing some of the same songs
some will not
babies will cry
ice will melt
flowers will blossom and bloom
there will be laughter
there will be joy
there will be love

tomorrow the earth will spin
planes will fly
ships will set sail
cars will move
the world will go about its business
tomorrow will be just another day
but my heart will never be the same.

apologies

Something happened to me that really broke me down but thats life i guess. I can't help but look on the bright side. Nothing on this earth is permanent, everything is temporary thats why its nice to have a very loose grasp on them so that when they are taking away they're not ripped off your hands.

I'm sorry for closing off the blog, i needed to exhale. But one thing i will continue to hold on to is the word of God, since its never changing, its a perfect solution to a world thats constantly changing sometimes to our disadvantage. And the knowledge that God is good, pure good. And everything he does is for our good. So its easy to trust him even though nothing makes sense but even though I have to trust him because i have no other choice, i think its better than whining and complaining and sulking because life is not fair and people make wrong decisions because of fear.

I just hope that my view of people do not change because of this. I just hope that you will keep me pure in heart o-tou san.

~shalom~

:)

Break me
mould me
beat me
correct me
chastise me
but dont leave me
You're all i've got.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but when dreams come true,
there is life and joy.

If Jesus was not manipulating and exploiting our hope, if he really did break out of his burial wrappings, push away the stone, overcome the guards, and walk out of that dark, terrible grave then all of us have the choice to embrace a hope that, in the end, will not let us down. {more}

worried

I took this picture yesterday in the morning. It was a difficult shot to take because the bees won't stay still but i managed to get this one. Its nice to watch nature and see how they just go about their lives with such confidence and boldness that all will be well. And there's no worries or doubt at least you don't sense that from observing them.

And how come we cannot be like that. Even after Jesus says don't worry its very difficult not to because of the demands on our lives, time and talents/abilities. The thought of responsibilities and how they will be met can keep anyone awake all night. Yet Jesus said don't worry about these things, they will be taken care of if you make the Lord and his Kingdom your primary concern.

Today Lord i want to worry less. I want to trust you to bring me through and make the ending worth all the hard work and sacrifices. I want to trust you.

~shalom~

today i feel

photo credit flickr/beautiful soul
Something really nice happened to me today so. Arigato o-tou-san.

~shalom~

not the same

East
west
distance
separation
busyness
here
there
life
reality
innocence
worry
doubt
control
when
you
me
hollow
shell
change
night
day
yes
no
maybe
whatever
hope
faith
.
.
.
.
.
.
someday.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thought
point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

~shalom~

interesting week

Hi there, how are you doing? Last week has been interesting. One of my lecturers was not available. He had this seminar he was attending so we didnt have his classes all week. Since he takes two out of the four units i'm taking this sem, there was not much classes to attend.

We got an extension on the assignment until this week friday. I just hope i can figure out how to do it and pass up before the due date. There's also Artificial Machine Intelligence test on either wednesday or thursday. If there's on unit i'm worried about its this one.

This thursday we have the pleasure of having the part 2 of boundaries in dating...Vcf organised and seems we can't get enough of it so there's going to be a sequel. Most of the things that were discussed, i've already known either through personal experience or by observing or other sources. But its good to be reminded.

Had the opportunity of celebrating three birthdays at once on wednesday. We went to siamese secrets for the birthdays of michael, gordon and galvin. And then on friday we were at dynasty hotel of gordon's actual birthday celebration. Its funny, on that friday we went to his house, opened the door of his room and well try to imagine. You are in your house unaware of whats going on outside and all of a sudden after talking the phone and relaxing in your bed the door of your room opened and these three guys come in and all at once scream whooa!

My the expression on his face still makes me snicker even now as i write this. Its classic. Needless to say he was frightened for about 2 seconds. Good thing he didnt call off the dinner after that.

Today after church we went to imperial to buy some belated birthday presents and saw this guy, well this man. Be was quite nice, came up to us and said hello. Of course he's a foreigner, from New Zealand on holidays here. Was trying to find which way west malaysia was. He asked me if i knew where New Zealand was and i said of course half surprised at his naive question, who does he think i am.

Turns out he works for the police in NZ and told me there are a lot of Nigerians in China. Yeah i learnt he's been to china and there he found them doing 'some business' if you know what i mean. He kept bringing it up then i half angry admitted that there are people like that but not everyone is like that and he agreed, he didn't talk along those lines anymore.

We had a nice chat and also found out he's been to brunei and was wondering where else he could go from miri. He wanted to go to Kuching by bus bus changed his mind after learning its a 13hour journey. He was with another lady who works in Brunei and asked us to visit NZ anytime. Royal Brueni is cheap he said, 'you can work as air hosts for the airline, good money' he said. Nice chap.

Today in church pastor hii was talking about facing our fears and difficulties, and it made me remember the time when i had a big fight with my gf and how i learned not to give up on the things that are important to me. And you know we will always face difficulties and running away from them is not the way to solve the problem because any problem you run away from now you will face it again until you are able to overcome it. Its just the way the world is designed. So its pointless to run.

It was a very good sermon and i was blessed by it only for some reason it was a very good time to sleep and a saw a lot of people sleeping. I too tried hard to fight the sleep from my eyes.

Father I thank you for everyday and all the stories you place in my days and how you help me things. I thank you for making me me and not someone else and how i am weird and special in the same way. Father remind me that I dont need to be like anyone else for you to accept me and let me remain in your love forever. Thank you for my week and the week ahead, lift everything to your care in Jesus name. Amen.

~shalom~

how would you describe yourself

Saw this video on youtube and kind of thought what if that question was posed to me. How would i describe myself? Well here's what a few people said.



I guess for me, no i'm not evolving, i think i'm constantly being modified if that makes sense. And i guess curious is not out of place too. How about you?

~shalom~

cry to jesus

Chris Rice - Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)
Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

I like this song because of a few reasons. Its a hymn-ish song and i like the way you can relate to it no matter where you are in your walk with God or in life. Life is not fair sometimes and we hurt, and people that can be so nice can turn and be so mean knowingly or unknowingly.

I also like it because i find comfort from it. When we are stripped down to our bare essentials, when life takes away more that we anticipated, when the road seems lonely and unbearable. When there is sadness in the midst of exceeding joy, when the world's not all it should be. I think we can find comfort in knowing that we have a father who loves us unconditionally and even though its easy to take it for granted, its something we have as his children that no one else has and its good to take time and reflect on all the good things he has done.

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

~shalom~