there for me

The older we get the harder it becomes to ask for help because everything around us tells us that we should not need help, that we can handle whatever comes our way. Well the older i get, the more i need help and its hard to ask for it.

I think one of the greatest gifts that i have enjoyed in my life is the gift of friendship. I have enjoyed the company of many good, and many great people and their life continues to inspire me, encourage me and shape me. Friendships are a gift from God and its a privilege to enjoy true friendship, one that can keep you up all night because someone needs to talk, one that sits with you in the hospital bed, one that keeps believing you can change, that you have what it takes, that there's more to you life that what you know. True friends are a blessing.

A friend told me once, people need to be reminded more than they need to be instructed. And i think that simple things like letting your friends know that they can trust you, that you will be there for them, actually telling them that goes a long way, does more than we can imagine.

Right now i feel like telling my father how much he means to me. So yeah don't take your friends for granted. Have a great week :)

-ONWARD

i kissed dating goodbye

Ok so for some reason the book I kissed dating goodbye is popular again. I've heard about the book but have not read it myself. Well today i went to salvation and got myselft a copy after it was offered to me by a friend after a conversation we had on the topic. There's a good chance that we'll get someone to speak on the topic next week in VCF.

I know what you are thinking, another post about the R word well i can't help it. I'm a big brother you know. I won't say much because I only read the first chapter and still not sleepy so will go on but i will say this. Before you go on starting a relationship, read the book. It will save you a lot of mistakes and give you the correct perspective.

So thats the end of my promotional message. Have a nice day :)

[update]

Its almost 3 and i've finished reading the first part. All i can say is if you haven't read the book get a copy. Life bookshop in Miri is out of stock but i think salvation has it. I'm going to sleep now.

~shalom~

reconnect

For some time now i've been going through some old notes and this is one of them. I don't quite remember where i wrote this, if it was in church or somewhere else but its in my book and i want to share.

• Be still and listen to the voice of God (ps 46:10)
• Pause from a hectic schedule to be refreshed in spirit (ps 42:1-2)
• Interrupt the day to do a spiritual inventory and be cleansed (ps 51:1-10)
• Accentuate the joy of God's provision through thanks giving (ps 65:9-13)
• Exalt the name of God for answered prayers in spite of disappointments (ps 40:1-3)
• End the day by reflecting on the Lord's faithfulness (ps 119:148)

I think i need to be more conscious and do more of these things.

~shalom~

valentines day reflections

Its acutally tuesday the 10th at 3:24 in the morning and i'm listening to my japanese playlist that has Utada Hikaru and Yui.

Since its valentines day i thought i would share something personal. I don't think i've shared this to many people but i feel the time is right. Thats what this blog is about, being real. I got permission to share this, thats the only reason its here because its not just about me.

Its impossible not to think of the life i once had with someone very special. We became official in December of 2004 and that started an incredible phase in my life. I celebrated my 20th and 21st birthday with her and made one of her dreams come true :)

I have never been in a relationship prior to this one so she was my first and quite frankly i wished she would be my last also because i knew how murky relationships could be. But i had no clue. I remember on a christmas visitation pst cheli noticed we were getting closer and he adviced me to seek God first. I knew he meant well but at the time i felt like why can't he just support me on this. He was more like a hinderance at that point in my mind. But he was right and i didn't i just too the plunge, went with my heart. Did i make a mistake? No. Huh, no? NO.

First time i saw her i was like wow. Who is that? She was still was still young, doing her form 5 or so. Don't quite remember and she was not single at the time. We went to the Goodnews anniversary and naturally i was shy to talk to her hence quiet and observing; my default mode. I think in my heart at that time i said to God i want someone like her. Long story short, it didn't work out with the other guy and we became close and then in december that year i asked her and we were official.

Maybe someday i will share about my family background but lets just say my parents were not the loving kind so without any place to draw experience from on how to love a girl i entered the relationship to learn. And i'm grateful for her resilience and patience with me.

As with every serious relationship we had lots of fight. I think mainly because i didnt have a clue what women want and still don't. And also because of our cultural backgrounds. So we fought over stuff like me not calling enough, not communicating and stuff like that. And other stuff that i'm simply not used to like holding hands. I dont see the big deal but for her it was important to be seen, with me. So slowing i started holding her hands lo what to do. 

One thing with relationships is that its real, it will affect every area of your life and especially when you are young it is hard to maintain a healthy relationship and your school life. Its really difficult to strike that balance so my grades started slipping and i was scared. I was worried and told her well its her fault. It wasn't really the best way to deal with the situation and i set up our first separation. I'm not sure why but at that point i was willing to turn my back on God's instrument to change my life in ways nothing else could. She cried and it hurt me because i didn't like to see her cry. And I will never forget what she said, 'why do you give up so easily?'

I've come to thank God for that statement because it allowed me the opportunity to look at my life and see that she was right. When things get tough or never go my way i bail and that was one of the things i needed to change in my life. I needed to become someone that will face my problems head on and even though i didnt manage to resolve them at least i attempted and the experience is not lost. 

After a few weeks or so i couldn't take it anymore, missed her too much :p apologised to her and we got back together. Until now i don't know why she had so much hope and why she stood by me all the way even when i push her away.

Maintaining a relationship is expensive. Think trips to the movies, sms, phone calls... but i thank God that he provided for us so we didn't make to make too much sacrifices. At the time digi had the mtv powerpack with free sms to your friends and family contacts. That in my opinion was God's gift to all couples in malaysia ehehe. And thank God for msn and skype :p for providing those weekends where we could catch up. For us it was very strange in that i only saw her face to face only a few weeks in a year since we are in different parts of malaysia and we continued this way for two years so distant relationships can work if there's a committment. Those times when she comes back were very precious and we would spend a lot time together. Sometimes she cooks because i dont cook anything :) 

I'm a homey person so i'm very happy staying indoors all day. She's the opposite, cannot stay at a place. Thats one of the things i didnt realise until very late. I just didnt think of how different we were in many ways. It was not a bad different, it was a very good complimentary different. Where she's weak i tend to be stronger and where she's strong i tend to be weaker. She's a people person, i'm not really. I try but she's a natural. And thats what i told this other girl who for some reason liked me. Didn't want to reveal herself but managed to get my email and mailed me with some interesting revelations. I just told her i'm committed to someone and i couldn't possibly think of doing anything else to hurt her seeing that i have done it so much. And that she compliments me in many ways. For some reason that scared her off and didn't hear from her again.

There were dark times for us, for her specially. I am naturally selfish and want to always have fun and so made some stupid decisions that really really was a deal breaker. And she never really recovered from my big folly. Its too personal and too hurting to share here so i will live it at that. But one thing you realise especially when you were brought up to be very independent is that the one you love will be clingy. And for some guys its ok, for others, it freaks them out so you get some people saying, i just want a little space. Now girls think the guys want to break up with them when i reality they just want to have some time alone, to be by themselves or just to do what boys do best, play. Girls don't' realise this so instead of just understanding they cling even more and you know the guy can't take it and he just storms and girl gets hurt. 

I also think its important to maintain some of your close friendship with others. Its sad when someone gets into a relationship and their relationships with some of their other friends suffers because there's no time to spend with them. Its healthy to look outside your lovely world and see other people, let them know you haven't ditched them because the time will come when you need someone else to talk to or hang out with when she's away :)

I think whats important in a relationship is trust and understanding and this comes by sharing. Sharing whats in your heart, your head with each other. Don't keep things to yourself, share. Doesnt matter if its lame or stupid or if she will laugh. She's your girl so trust her. 

What i miss the most i would say is someone to talk to. I know it sounds weird because i rarely have anything to talk about but i was forced to learn to talk about all the obscure, miniscule, insignificant things that happened through out my day. I miss having someone to share all that with. 

So how did it end?

Well relationships dont run on love alone. And there's a larger world out there beyond the two of you. There are a lot of things to consider, future pursuits, families, and stuff and its important to think about the future before you begin. 

A lot of things happened la both good and bad but those were some of the best times of my life and No i didn't make a mistake. God let things happen. He gives and takes away. I'm not angry or hurt anymore, you know why? Because God is good and i have learned to trust God for my future and for the one that i call my wife, when the time comes everything will fall into place and i would be better prepared. So if i seem to be talking about relationships a lot these days i guess now you know why. I don't like to see people break up. Even though sometimes its inevitable and there's nothing you can do but before the point of no return. I think things can be resolved. Compromises can be struck. And if it really is the end, life goes on. The rain still falls. The birds still sing, people still fall in love. There's no need to be bitter or habour hate or make silly resolutions. Just pick yourself up and keep walking. Make the changes you need to make and learn from your mistake. Thats all.

So for all the love birds out there. Happy valentine's day. Its not just about the flowers, its about the one you love and valentine should not be relegated to one day ;)

~shalom~

what is wrong with us

Just this week alone thanks to facebook i've known of at least three of my friends who broke up. I tend to have a deja vu moment everytime it happens, and knowing the feelings and thoughts going through their minds, my heart goes out to them.

At the same time its worrying how many people hook up and break up? What's missing? Why is it so difficult to maintain a longlasting committment? Why are there so many of these things? Where are the role models? What mistakes are we making? How can we make things better?

I truely believe that a christian relationship should be different. Not in the sense that there are no fights. Fights are sometimes good because they strip away every pretence and the real person appears. Its also a good way to make adjustments for each other, to avoid what you should avoid or do more of what you are neglecting. So in the sense that two people who are emotionally involved have fights that is due to differences that can be resolved granted both parties are willing to give and take aka compromise, fights are good. But fights can be destructive and depending on your temperament things can be said in the heat of an argument that will hurt and you can't take back words once they are spoken.

For any relationship to stand i think at the core of it must be a desire and a committment first to God because like it or not, He is the one that ties everything together. If you don't have him in the center, everything will collapse. If you don't know the love of God, how can you truely love someone else? If you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else. If you are not secure with who you are as a person, and accept the fact that God loves you unconditionally then you will go around looking for someone to make you feel loved and accepted and thats how sometimes we get into the wrong relationships.

I don't claim to be an authority on relationships but there are things that i have observed and experienced myself and i am just expressing my opinions here so if you don't agree with them its totally fine. I just want to see people fall in love with someone they know in their hearts is the right one, get married and live very long lives together. That is so beautiful.

exemplo, originally uploaded by corbata1982.

When i see a picture like this i just break down inside because i don't know if i will ever experience this kind of life. Not the kissing la but two people who have shared most of their lives together and they have apart. Its something that is good, and i'm sure God likes that.

I know its hard, but i would not encourage people to get involved with anyone when they are still quite young because a relationship is serious. It could tear people apart, create deep hurts and other nasty stuff. We are talking about real people, their lives, their emotions, and most times their future.

I wouldn't want to close without saying this. We all come from different backgrounds and we all express ourselves differently. And we all make mistakes and i believe in a real relationship we are all learning to be better people not just for that special someone but ultimately because of the kind of relationship we have, it changes who we are and makes us hopefully better than who we were and the cost of that is a lot of patience, forgiveness and understanding to let each other learn and grow.

Let make relationships that will last. Do it for the next generation.
~shalom~

the stranger on the train

A Thousand Words from Ted Chung on Vimeo

Make your own conclusions.

~shalom~

collections: relationships

Part of the way i use this blog is as a collection of things and experiences, as a reference if you like and today I'll be making a collection of good resources that i find helpful on a topic that will never fade and is always hot relationships. 

Sources will be from blogs or websites that gives a Godly outlook on the whole topic and they're in no way the only authority on the subject so seek God for yourself.

When two becomes one

In today's context, Abraham can be seen as our Father, God. He is our Father, who knows us well and wants the best for us in everything, what more to say in choosing a life partner. The bible talks about how everyday of our life is ordained and is written in His book before one of them came to be - psalm 139.

I guess this releases us into a place where we dont have to worry, but to put our trust in Him, knowing that He has our best interest in mind and He knows what's the best for us. As we draw closer to Him, as we wait upon His answers, He will reveal His plan at the perfect timing (more)

More to come.

~shalom~

i'll wait

Hi there,
I don't feel like a need to blog anymore, i dunno why. Maybe its just a phase. Another reason is that i'm quite busy this sem there's little time to do this blog thing as much as i love and enjoy it and for that let me apologize.

I'm currently going through some restructuring in my life. Starting to question my motive and the reason i do some of the things i do or do not do. Whether to accept what i've already known and used to, what have become my belief system over the years. So things are stirring in there.

Was asked about tongues during the week and it made me do a bit more reading and basically from what i gather the gift of tongues is one that the Holy Spirit bestows on people. Even though there is a desire in our hearts to want to have that gift, it is all up to the Holy Spirit to enable that gift in an individual. Was reading from the commentary in my bible and discovered the ability to speak in tongues is evidence of being baptised in the Holy Spirit and as such, there is an increased desire for the word in the life of such a person, there is birth in the heart of this person a burden for the lost and a love for God. According to the commentary in my bible, if you don't have these then the tongues that you have is not from God. Scary right? Its not possible for everyone in a church to speak in tongues because its not up to any one individual. I still have a lot of questions on this matter, need a good book on the topic.

There are two things happening around me at the moment. Its either someone i know is going to Australia or getting well...someone special or for one particular case, someone got the special person and went to Australia. Ok whats up with that? I guess its the season. Makes those of us not with that special someone yet feel like of left out.

The more i read on the subject of relationships the more i don't want to rush things and allow what i know to become alive in me first, and let the time of maturing take place. There's always a sweet feeling when you get something you've always wanted and have waited patiently for it until the right time or when you never expected it. I like surprises, i'll wait. Although there are times...

~shalom~

Hunger passes

So my mom sends me a few books on relationships and i know she's worried she cannot give me advice at this stage in my life but i think she'll be surprised at what i already know and have been through. I guess she still thinks i'm her nice little boy.

The book has been nice, i initially didnt want to read it because I actually thought she was over-reacting but i guess she's a mom and i can't make her worry less, all i can do is cause her to have less reasons to worry about me. I've not been a very good son of late.

Oh yeah back to the book. Ah it basically talks about the hunger of feeling loved and having something dear, someone you can call your own and how we make mistakes if we are not careful. Sometimes its just best to wait of God and allow him to give us his best at his time. It can be difficult especially when everyone around you seems to be hooking up with someone and its easy to feel what about me? When? Well Michelle {the author of the book. Yes its a lady} says to focus of God and know that he truly loves you and has your best interest at heart.

I remember when I was starting out on my relationship, pastor cheli jokingly asked me..."seems like you really like x" and i said maybe, and i still remember what he said, seek God first. At that time i didn't really want to consider that option because i was scared God will say wait but somehow we went ahead and met a lot of struggles and difficulties that have shaped our lives and made us who we are now, stronger more understanding. But some of the heartaches would have been avoided. I always say this, if i had to do it all over again i'll still choose her but not so soon. I guess i was so excited to have my first ever gf that i didn't want anything to mess it up.

Now looking back i think God is now saying, ok you tried that now let me show you a better way. Its scary letting go but I once trusted God with my future and my everything and he has always been faithful but somehow i strayed and put my trust in other things. This time he's taking back what belongs to him and every other thing will have to give.

I'm no more scared or worried I believe in Him and i trust him to give me the best and i want to follow him with all my strength and see where this all leads. I believe God restores all the years that have been misused but in my life especially i need to be more focused on him and not let other things take that special place in my life that only Him can occupy. Its really important.

So what now? My focus, direction in life have shifted. My goals are different now and i really want to try new things and allow His word to change my life, slowly or rapidly. I won't struggle anymore. You got me Lord! Your move.

~shalom~

in 2008

Wow 2008. Like every year its full of hopes of things we would like to improve. In the beginning of this year I was not sure what to make of it. I was not sure where i would channel my strengths to and where God wants to lead me. It felt strange but I thank God for letting me know a bit of what He requires of me this year.

RELATIONSHIPS
Part of what we do at ICCTS is personal reflections and its nice to be able to do that and really articulate where you're heading, where you are now and how you're going to get there. So one day when I was doing just that I felt God wants me to build the relationships around me. Relationships with people, with my family especially with my dad. I must confess that I can get very preoccupied with my life here that communicating with them suffers. I need to make ever effort to talk to the man.

My relationship with God must be strong if i wish to grow this year. Last year was so-so but I can't afford this year to be just another one of those years where nothing happens.

Blessed to be a Blessing
If you have been to the condensed world missions course or the kairos course you would understand what this means. For me its a good reminder that Abraham's covenant covers me too. That when God promised to bless Abraham and through him all the nations of the earth will be blessed. He also says the same for me who through faith in Jesus are a partaker of the Abrahamic covenant. So for all the blessings I have been receiving all these years, i must always be looking for a way to channel it to bless someone else or some people else and who it is i cannot choose.

2008 is also a time of mindset change. I think in my life, there are a lot of things i hold on to or things i've allowed to hold on to me that are not suppose to be in my life. Some mindsets of how some things should be and all that.

Also I would like this blog to be a place of refuge. I know life is tough and its good to vent but i believe the children of God should not spend their time in mourning. Seasons change and well i'm reminded of the verse that says rejoice in the Lord and again i say rejoice. After all the joy of the Lord is our strength. And worship is not a feeling but a choice. :) So by God's grace there will be more encouraging posts here in the coming days and weeks and I hope months and years.

I would like to wish someone very special to me a happy birthday :D I can't believe you're already 21. Sorry cannot get a cake for you wo :(

~shalom~

walking the familiar

With the story of mary and martha in mind. Martha being the eldest charged with the responsibility to take care of guests and teach the same to her sister so society requires. So was it wrong for her to do what is normal for this guest that they had? Certainly not. But her disqualification was not in her doing but in her choice.

Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. And there is a time and a season for everything. Sometimes I can get caught up in the busyness of serving and doing things that I lose sight of what is more important; sitting at his feet and just spending that time with him. Really nothing can compare to that time when he's mine and i'm his. Of course this is always true but reinforced in that time.

Someone said once, relationship ends where communication stops. And its true for both relationships with humans and with our heavenly father. And when that communication is lacking, things become stale and boring. There's no more freshness, just mundane.

I feel something inside me yearning, wanting for more but my body and mind does not seem to be cooperating. We were meant to live for so much more... So so much more.

I know you bid me come, but i must confess I've just run in and as fast as i came, run out and not really stayed a while and get to communicate. I'm sorry, I need you more Father. I can't do it on my own.

~shalom~

what season is it?

For everything under the sun there is a time and a season. As long as the earth remains seed time and harvest shall not seize. So what season is it now?

I seem to be surrounded by people who are going through relationship problems, some wonderful some not so good. And I know that in all things God works it out for the GOOD of those who love Him, ALL who are called according to His purpose.

And sometimes relationships end, and its kind of like putting out a candle. The light goes off but there is still smoke lingering until it fades away. Others end without much struggle and you thank God its over.

Yet some are like a cartoon i watched where even after blowing out the candle it comes up again, and again which is troublesome because it keeps you preoccupied with just turning it off and not getting on with whatever you need to do. {poor elmer ford}

I don't want to sound all emo but I'm really confused now. Never thought things could get so complicated. Its 1:28 now and I should be in lala land where nothing's real and its peaceful, but here I am listening to planetshakers while i make this post.

I remember what pastor Hii said, blogs should bring hope, especially blogs by christians and even though I really want to share my heart to its full extent, I will refrain and think about the kindness of God instead, how about that.

I know that God is pure good, and everything He does is for the good of His Children, for when we ask for bread He would not give us a stone to chew on. And His wisdom far exceeds anything we can muster. Wow I feel better.

Father, even though things are very hectic and I dunno what is the right decision to take, I want to be fully confident in Your love, knowing that nothing can separate us from Your love. And if you care for the sparrows, I am of more worth and a bunch of birdies. So i throw myself at Your love and care, knowing you will take care of everything and at the end I will go thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You. Hehe. I just want to thank You Father for Your love. Arigato o-tou san.

~shalom~

let it go

We were in a kind of seminar on relationships and love languages. VCF organised it and it ran for two Thursdays. During the course of the talk, a friend was kind of skeptical about the whole thing. Turns out he was in a relationship that turned sour. He was saying he gave his love to her, but she basically played him. So now he's made up his mind about girls based on this experience.
I was trying to tell him not all girls are like that but don't feel i got the message across. It got me thinking how things in our lives can change our outlook, and attitude. How a failed relationship can make someone made certain decisions that may not be the best or the most beneficial.

They say the first cut is the deepest and it must hurt to love someone so much and find out they don't feel the same way or are not as committed. The bible has practical ways of dealing with things like this. When Jesus was giving he sermon on the mount one of the hard things he said was love your neighbour as yourself. Bless those who curse you, do good to those who hurt you. Basically don't pay evil for evil. Its a high and lofty command but difficult to put into practice.

I remember when my little brother will get mad and pick a fight with me, usually he would hit me and run away and when i want to retaliate my mom would be like, don't you dare, he's just a kid. And i'm like what! no way he knows what he's doing. I didn't like that i should show restraint and let him go. I felt its not fair but the truth is he's a kid, and kids are stupid, they're dumb that usually makes me feel better to know that hey man, do whatever you want kid, cause i know better.

There is not point to hate, retaliation, it doesn't make us feel better. We were not designed as humans to take matters to our hands, we were designed to complain to God and let him handle things. There's no point in holding grudges or keeping unnecessary walls, because love conquers all. We should not let bad experiences change who we are suppose to be and rob someone else from being blessed by us. After all we are blessed to be a blessing.

~shalom~

i know you love me

I feel a need to express myself freely but I really can't so its hard to go about living a 'normal life' because things have changed and i feel weird. Argggggggggggggggghhh.

I want to rest in your arms Lord, take away this heaviness, give me true joy again. But i resign to let your will be done. I know you love me :) I know you love me.

In a way i like the burden, I like that it draws me closer to you. I like that it liberates me to experience more meaningful relationships, friends, brothers, sisters. I like that i have this burden, in a way. I like that i get to feel your heart, even for a while.

At the cross - Hillsong United - Mighty to save 

Oh Lord You've searched me

You know my way

Even when I fail You

I know You love me

Your holy presence

Surrounding me

In every season

I know You love me

I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee

Where Your blood was shed for me

There no greater love than this

You have overcome the grave

Your glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now

You go before me

You shield my way

Your hand upholds me

I know You love me

You tore the veil

You made a way

When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades

Falls from my eyes

And You stand before me

I know You love me

I know You love me

~shalom~

changes

I feel like it is time to talk. Suddenly I don't know how to start.

I believe everything that happens to happens for a reason, and through it all God's plans and purposes are being fulfilled one way or the other. And even though it hurts, His ways are always better than ours and He's way smarter than me, than us.

Can We Be Friends?

2yrs and a few months of life changing experiences with someone very special, very unique in more ways than one ended with a few tears and alot of thinking. I want to say outright there are things in me that God has revealed to me through this that I wouldn't have taken seriously before.

I want to thank her for sharing her life with me, being very bold to love someone like me, its not easy at all but she did her best for that i'm everly grateful to God but now I'm thanking God for friends. 

How Are You Now?

Many of you will be asking. Well besides a lingering cough i'm very good. Gone past the point of hoping things to change and get back to the way it used to be. I think if God wants He can do anything but for me, I want to be confident, and satisfied with who I am and where I'm heading no matter what happens.

The Obvious

Did i make a mistake? Yeah! Did we make a mistake for two years, was the relationship a mistake? I dont believe so. Though if i had to do it all over again there are obvious things i would like to change. But this was my shot at it and just to clear anything, i'm not searching, kind of liking just hanging out with friends :)

~shalom~

on relationships

It would be a shame if this blog becomes superficial and I'll consider it a failure if it doesn't touch people's lives in one way or the other so for this post and hopefully a few more in the future i'm going to talk about some sensitive issues. There's no need to pretend and its ok to talk.

I've been in a relationship for almost three years now, it started well. The whole idea thrilled me, i couldn't believe it was happening. We went shopping, movies and stuff, thousands of sms, and dozens of calls each week followed and everything was fine and rosy. But then there came as there always will be clashes, conflicts of interest. Simple misunderstandings blown up until it was like a nuclear bomb. The problems affected my studies, my life, it can get quite crazy.

I came to the point where i didnt want to go on anymore. I just wanted to call it quits. I mean this is not what i bargained for. Its not suppose to be this way, i remember thinking but somehow God held us through. I say God because i dont think either of us had the strength.

As time went by, the excitement died down, familiarity sets in, and you start to take things for granted and the relationship grows cold to the point where love has no meaning anymore and you ask yourself what really is love? In proverbs there's a passage that says hope deferred makes the heart sick. And really its easy to take what you have for granted until you come to point of almost losing it and things start to come back to perspective.

In a few words, i know relationships sound dreamy and nice and its like the best thing that every happened, the best idea every but it takes time, effort, prayer and good counsel to keep it going sometimes. The emotional bombs that hit you takes some maturity to weather and it will affect every single thing you do. Do i regret my decision? Absolutely not. There are things i've learnt about myself and about people that i could never know any other way. If i have the chance to do it all over again will i still choose her? Definitely, only a bit later.

There are things in life that should not be rushed into. Not because they are bad or anything but we need to be ready for them. We need to be prepared to handle the hard times and most importantly, we need to develop a strong enough relationship with God so that nothing can dimish us from our final goal. We were made for Him afterall, He is the bride and we are the bridegroom.

So while i'm in a relationship and things go wrong, i make mistakes, i forget birthdays and anniversaries, i become selfish and don't call as often as I should. While i make these mistakes and hurt the one i love, it take courage to admit them, ask for forgiveness, pray that you get forgiven and try again. Give it another try. The worst thing you can do for yourself is give up. I learned that the hard way :P

In many ways relationships reflect the character and nature of Jesus. We love him that's why we want to hear from him, we want to serve and make him proud. We want to honour him and just bless. Not to be selfish and receive all the time but bless others. We mess up, then come to him and pray for forgiveness and he loves so much that he would forgive everytime.

I guess what i'm trying to say with so much words is i'm grateful for the counsel of friends, pastor, leaders and for their concern and as nice as a relationship may sound its not for everyone because its such a serious thing that lives could be torn apart if we're not careful. I pray that this will be helpful to anyone who's seeking ;)

Be anxious for nothing but in everything through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, make your request known to God and the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus

~shalom~

exams and families

Its been a really busy week for me, most of my time was spent indoors in the quietness and coldness of the state library and the library in Inti college trying to cover as much as i can before my finals on thursday and friday. With all this stress i dont know if there would be a visit to pizza hut after all is said and done. ;)

Today's session on families made me reflect a bit about my own. I remember the time when i would wake up, get two cars out of the garage, wash them, check the oil and water on them before getting ready to go to school. Times when i would get all covered with grease and diesel and black smoke trying to start up the generator so we can atleast watch some tv before we sleep. Times when i grumbled after it seemed that out of 5 children in the family i was the only asked to do chores even those that are clearly for girls, imagine having to wash your mom's clothes and iron them.

I remember times when i couldnt take it anymore and there was nothing i could do because i was in a culture that does not allow open dialogue between hurting children and their parents. I once taught of running away from home but after going through the whole thing in my head, it wasnt the wisest decision to make. I remember the time when i taught i was adopted and even before blogs i had a way of expressing myself in words on paper, words that i kept hidden away until my mom found them and i had to explain myself. Those were humbling times.

Now as i look back at it, i can see God's hands in it. I must confess i was very stubborn, it doesnt show very much now but i needed to be humbled and to learn submission and my family was the perfect training ground. Through all the pains and trials and humiliations i can say i'm stronger for it and i thank God now for everything. Even though things are not dreamy, and my family is not the best in the world {who's is?} i still thank God for them and for every moment that i was punished to forced to work, for every time my mom would make me go to the salon with her, for the time when i crashed the car and didnt have to pay for it, for home made meals and extra servings, for the chickens that layed eggs and the goats that ate our flowers until they became the meal. For everything, we really dont know what we have until its no more there.

While we were discussing about this, there was an agreement that things could be better and so for me as a future parent, what kind of parent do i want to be? Would i want to be like mine or is there another way to bring up children? I believe God gives us every resource we need for any situation we will face and being a parent is a scary thing, so much that i dont know if i would do better but i believe, there must be a difference between people who belong to Christ and those who do not.

Father, thank You for my family, thank you for making me a member of that family, i pray even as i grow up to be a parent one day that you will guide me in your ways so i wont make the same mistakes they did and i ask and i receive your strength to be a good child to my parents, to honor them in any way i can, because it pleases you. Thank you father, thank you.

~shalom~