reading lists

My reading list

One more day before i begin my exams. I must say i'm quite worried about my exams. I've been studying but I still feel worried especially as this is my first exam experience in Curtin and I dont know what to expect. Well if its like the test then it should be ok. But stil...

Somehow i also feel there are times all you need is faith, and just trust God to take care of things. Its not easy to do that but considering the alternative its a better state of mind to be in.

And it doesn't help matters when people start leaving while you have not even started your paper. Its so not fair :P

Anyways i've got a whole lot of studying to do.

~shalom~

I come

Just as I am without one plea
But that thy blood was shed for me
And now thou bids me, come they thee
O Lamb of God I come, I come.

I tried to listen to some music last night, thought its been a while since i listened to coldplay to i listened for a while and got fed up with it after two songs. Then i searched my music library for some hymns and listened to that instead. My roommate was watching a hindi movie and i was suppose to be studying but between the movie, the song and my books i could not concentrate. So stopped and listened to the music instead.

I've always loved hymns, and i feel its kind of taken a less prominent role in modern church services. Hymns have a way of getting to your spirit, heart and soul and really express the deepest longing of the heart. They also serve as checks, and question our motives and present relationship with God. For example, you can sing the lines;

And he walked with me and he talked with me
And he tells me I am his own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

When getting up in the morning to pray is a challenge. God never condemns though it is just man that tries to judge, and i am in no way judging just making a point.

So anyway i felt really blessed listening to the hymns, especially as the songs these days just entertain and don't really leave you with anything of eternal value. I felt encouraged after reading a book i got a long time ago that contained twelve of our favourite hymns today with some background to what inspired the authors to pen down these immortal words.

I was reminded that I dont need to wait until i have no faults to come to God, and that he bids me, to come to him. I remember what fred shared last time, there's nothing we can do to make God love us more or less he just does. And nothing can separate us from the love of God except maybe we ourselves. And you dont have to wait for you life to be straightened out right to come to him, because it may never be. I was reminded also last night that there are only a few things we are prepared for in this life. For everything else like lanre says on his yahoo messenger, all you need is faith.

Thank you Father that you invite me to come to you, just as I am. :)

~shalom~

lost and found

Just how do you lose a book? Now how do you lose a book you need for exams? I'm not sure why i lost the book. I'm not sure on which day i lost it but thinking it through it must have been on Saturday. I took the 3.30 bus back home and forgot it in the bus. I didn't notice it was gone until Monday. I just can't seem to study on Sundays because after church we all go makan only to get back by 2 or 3 something. By then you feel so sleepy already then later call friends go for dinner and Sunday is gone.

Monday was spent thinking of where i could have left the darn thing, so i asked the stores where i went to and they didn't have it but it was not to be found there.

Tuesday was spent thinking of the consequences of losing the library's book. I would have to shell out hundreds of ringgit to replace the book so i didnt tell them it was lost, instead i asked them to renew all the books in my possession to the same day. Now i dont have to worry about paying the late fees if i dont find the book on time. I also did what i was suppose to do earlier on, ask the bus driver if he came across the book which i did and turns out he did so i was semi happy. He gave the book to the security on duty but he was not on duty on tuesday, and no one knew where he kept it so i could not get the book. However they asked me to fill the lost and found form. I filled it with all the details and was asked to wait till the next day, hence my semi happiness.

Wednesday was spent being cool, not worrying too much and giving them time to get things in order. I just reminded the lady that made me fill the l&f form and she said to come back after 2, then the officer i need to see will be on duty, so i was calm and after 2 i got a call from her and she was there with the officer. He was smiling and said i need to give him tapao, i just smiled, and he said you know what tapao is right and i said yes but i was not really going to give him anything. Just said thank you uncle, and smiled a lot. He had the smell of ciggs on him and as he smiled it revealed a black cigg stain on his teeth close to the gum. I was disgusted but grateful.

Then he went on, if i dont keep, how much you have to pay? I said this not in scolding tone but in a you need to be grateful boy, tone. I kept the smile and say thank you uncle routine going until he gave me the book. I only needed to sign off on the l&f form and the book was mine until the end of exams that is.

I really thank God found it, and dont have to pay for it.

~shalom~

perculiarities

Something funny happened this morning, something i have feared would happen one of these days. So i went out to take my shower, usually i lock the door and take the keys with me to the bathroom and this time i did the same thing, only i didnt take the right key instead i took the keys to the back gate that was in my hand at the time. My brain didnt co-ordinate with my eyes to see that it was the wrong set of keys. I only realised my mistake after the nice, long cold shower. Ah only then did i realise i was in trouble.

Normally what happens in situations like these that you can ask the guard to open the door for you and you dont have to pay anything for the first three times after that they charge 10bucks if you need them to open the door. This was only my second time, the first time was not my fault. My roommate locked the door and went away with the keys not knowing i was still in the house. So yeah.

Now i couldn't go because i only had my towel around my waist, actually i could go but its a long walk from my house to the guard post. So luckily for me i found my nextdoor neighbor at home with his window nicely open so i can ask for his room keys to see if it would open mine, since some of the keys can open other doors they're not suppose to open china}. But that didnt do it so he offered to go get the keys for me and i was saved. No more locking doors for me, thats for sure.

Another perculiarity happened after i was reunited with my favourite clothes and was out in the bus stop waiting for the bus. I had 30 mins to wait and this guy who for some reason always forget my japanese name and calls me steven. Steven? Do i look like a steven? He always has a smile on his face and is always asking for cigarrettes. I think everytime i meet him he's either asking me if i have ciggs or if i smoke. This time he has his park of the red and brown brand, not sure of the name. He was half way through the thing and discovered the pack had a small depression probably because of the way it was stored and he was like look at the pack they gave to me, and used a curse word. I was beginning to be irritated.

Then he asked me if i smoke and i said no and he asked why and i said because i dont want to. At this point he just finished one stick and was getting another one. I particularly dont like the smell of ciggs, and the thought of sitting through another dose of poisonous second hand smoke set my brain thinking of an excuse to get out of there. So i told him i was to go get a drink and if he wants some, he looked at me with excitement in his face and said a drink? Then i said yeah, water or something, he must have thought i mean tiger or something. I guess we didnt get to the part where he asks if i drink too. But it was not entirely and excuse because i was thirsty and needed a drink but i also needed to get away from there.

When i got back he was not there. Thank You Jesus for water and somethings...:)

~shalom~

10 more days

10 more days to my finals. I like that its back to back so i can take it all and be free for another 3 months. Gosh 3 months of no school! How am i going to survive. I mean i like the break but i am no comfortable with the length.

I will be moving out of my current accommodation. Its much more expensive that the houses outside, well some of the houses and the internet there is unreliable so yeah. Found a place for about 150 with internet but its quite far from the bus station. That is my only concern. Just called my mom to inform her and she was more concerned about my safety. I still miss my mom so much.

I had one suspicion confirmed today. My pastor revealed that he has visited this blog, and even though it didnt come as an absolute shock i was kind of taken aback. Its ok la, i dont write things that would unsettle people, at least i dont think i do.

Its amazing the influence words have on people, and how blogs can communicate words to lift up to depress. I know its a personal space but sometimes i feel like you know, am i being a blessing to someone or just thinking about me. I think its a balance that has to be struck somewhere between being honest and letting out and being aware of the effect it may have on others.

In other maybe unrelated chatter, this year has been one of many challenges, some i'm not sure i handled well but its one year i'm grateful to God for all he has done and continues to do in my life and the lives of people i love. I am truly thankful for EVERYTHING. Can't wait for next year.

~shalom~