What an eventful day. I thank God for this day. Yesterday i was so fed up i considered shutting down this blog because i thought to myself, whats the point? I set up this blog for two reason, the first is to give glory to God and be an encouragement however i can, and the other is to connect with friends and keep in touch with everyone and lately i feel i've not been fulfilling any of these objectives and if not for the crappy internet i get that didn't let me connect, the post would have gone up and that would be it but thank God for today.
So what happened today?
Well it actually started yesterday when we went to EYM and discussed about the life of Joseph how he had a God perspective in everything, we never find him bitter through all the misfortunes and wickedness that his own brothers showed towards him, he didnt let that change him, he didnt hold it against him, and he kept performing at his best even in the lowest demoralising situations where he would have sulked and felt pity for himself. He didnt, and he was a human being like me. We also talked about monuments and how they make us remember the past or something significant, and how we can build monuments that remind us of the unfairness and hurt that we go through. I remembered the sad messages i hung on to and how it reminded me of all the hurts and promptly deleted them. Its so true bah.
So what happened today?
Well today i got a taste of a Nigerian service in the form of pastor Gbenga. He was talking about knowing who you are, and how you cannot know who you are until you know whose you are. We belong to God yeah true but how much of this God do we really know? Can we stand like puny {I've been longing to use the word puny} David in the face of Goliath the Giant and call him names when the other more qualified soldiers are shaking in their boots? Can we make fun of the priests of baal like Elijah? I was really challenged today, but felt a bit worried for the Malaysians that had to listen to this typical Nigerian service, with the yelling and shouting but i feel they enjoyed Pastor Gbena's active illustrations :)
Where do you go from here?
I'm really tired of feeling sorry for myself, whats done is done, and there's nothing that i can do to change that. All i have is today, all i can do is live every today for God so that when i retire at the end of the day i can be satisfied that i'm living according to his purposes. For ALL THINGS work together for the good for those who love God, to them that are called according to his purposes.
My offering stays...
~shalom~
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I am not alright
There's the song from i think its ReliantK and part of this song says 'I am not alright, i broken inside, broken inside...' Today i feel kind of like that. I dunno why but i just feel kind of depressed at the moment. No i'm not scared to say it, i feel i need to be honest about certain things. My mom always say identifying the a problem is the first part to solving a problem and she's right.
Maybe it was all the sad messages i read last night. I dont know why i still hang on to them but i like collecting things and part of me feels its historical and should stay but i cannot keep them at the expense of my well-being.
I went to the shower this morning and just thanked God for everything that has happened over the years, i remembered thinking to myself some years back before i came to Malaysia how i didnt want to become a doctor, besides being terrified of blood and not fancying reading the volumes that made up biology. I remember thinking of the enormous responsibility doctors have, and how the life of someone is in their hands and if they make even the slightest error it could cost the life of a father, breadwinner or a soulmate. The fear of that responsibility griped me and as i thought of it this morning it became apparent that even as an engineer they also have this responsibility of human lives albeit in an indirect way. And even programmers who make softwares carry some weight of this responsibility. And i thought of how i have carried my responsibility out and how i keep failing in them.
But i find it equally interesting that God allows these things to happen, someone once asked me why God allows people to fail even when he can help, and she answered her own question when she said it was to develop a greater trust and faith in us but there's one more thing that i see. The way i see God is as someone who is infinitely wiser and better than me in everything i do or even think is possible. And Jesus feels what we feel but through it all he's perfecting us, making us more like him, more like what we are created for. So even though there's pain and anger and unanswered questions and dare i say doubt? He's looking at what you will become after its all over. And thats the joy, thats what we should be looking at but man is so nearsighted that all we see is now and the immediate.
I just finished class still down my friend came online and asked if i have ever been angry with someone and we talked for a while and i discovered he's just like me, broken inside but we managed to {in a few words} look at anger with God's perspective. And that we have a choice to shun the wrong and do the right.
Just now i went to jolina's blog and she had this all familiar quote
And just reading that i felt encouragement, and looking at my site records i discovered there were two visits to the post i made before leaving Kuching adequately titled think about his love and I cannot help but feel God reaching out to me on this one day i feel very weird inside. So i live you with the lyrics to the song, think about his love, praying that he will indeed satisfy your desires.
Think about His goodness
Think about His grace
That's brought us through
For as high as the heavens above
So great is the measure of our Father's love
Great is the measure of our Father's love
How could I forget His love
How could I forget His mercy
He satisfies - He satisfies
He satisfies my desires
Great is the measure of our Father's love
~shalom~
Maybe it was all the sad messages i read last night. I dont know why i still hang on to them but i like collecting things and part of me feels its historical and should stay but i cannot keep them at the expense of my well-being.
I went to the shower this morning and just thanked God for everything that has happened over the years, i remembered thinking to myself some years back before i came to Malaysia how i didnt want to become a doctor, besides being terrified of blood and not fancying reading the volumes that made up biology. I remember thinking of the enormous responsibility doctors have, and how the life of someone is in their hands and if they make even the slightest error it could cost the life of a father, breadwinner or a soulmate. The fear of that responsibility griped me and as i thought of it this morning it became apparent that even as an engineer they also have this responsibility of human lives albeit in an indirect way. And even programmers who make softwares carry some weight of this responsibility. And i thought of how i have carried my responsibility out and how i keep failing in them.
But i find it equally interesting that God allows these things to happen, someone once asked me why God allows people to fail even when he can help, and she answered her own question when she said it was to develop a greater trust and faith in us but there's one more thing that i see. The way i see God is as someone who is infinitely wiser and better than me in everything i do or even think is possible. And Jesus feels what we feel but through it all he's perfecting us, making us more like him, more like what we are created for. So even though there's pain and anger and unanswered questions and dare i say doubt? He's looking at what you will become after its all over. And thats the joy, thats what we should be looking at but man is so nearsighted that all we see is now and the immediate.
I just finished class still down my friend came online and asked if i have ever been angry with someone and we talked for a while and i discovered he's just like me, broken inside but we managed to {in a few words} look at anger with God's perspective. And that we have a choice to shun the wrong and do the right.
Just now i went to jolina's blog and she had this all familiar quote
Life can give us a hundred reasons to cry ='(
But we can give a thousand reasons to smile =)
But we can give a thousand reasons to smile =)
And just reading that i felt encouragement, and looking at my site records i discovered there were two visits to the post i made before leaving Kuching adequately titled think about his love and I cannot help but feel God reaching out to me on this one day i feel very weird inside. So i live you with the lyrics to the song, think about his love, praying that he will indeed satisfy your desires.
Think About His LoveThink about His love
- Written by: Walt Harrah -
© 1987 Integrity's Hosanna! Music
Think about His goodness
Think about His grace
That's brought us through
For as high as the heavens above
So great is the measure of our Father's love
Great is the measure of our Father's love
How could I forget His love
How could I forget His mercy
He satisfies - He satisfies
He satisfies my desires
Great is the measure of our Father's love
~shalom~
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
getting to know you.
Some of you may be unaware but i have this neat tool provided by google no surprise, that lets me get useful statistics about this site. For example. I know that most people who visit this blog are from malaysia, mostly in kuching, miri and some other parts of west Malaysia. More on that in a moment. I also know that more people prefer to use firefox than internet explorer which is a good thing. And the most commonly used screen resolution is 1024x768 {same as mine} along with other useful data.
Why do i need this?
Curiousity they said killed the cat which is why i'm glad i'm not a cat but i guess i just need to know. I don't have people's ip addresses for example, that would be stalking. But i'm fascinated to know people visit the site from all over the world. I've had hits from Japan {hey i'm Japanese bah}, South Africa, UK {wonder who that could be?}, Sweden, Germany, Indonesia, Australia, Canada, but a lot lately from the US and consistently too.
What do you know?
I know this much, my dedicated US reader is in the state of virginia, you use windows most of the time but also linux sometimes, visits regularly and by the time spent on the site i'm guessing he/she {i'll just call you dude}, dude reads most of my post but never comments or anything. So please dude {sorry if you're a girl} please reveal yourself. I hope i don't shock you with the revelation but the truth is many sites these days use these tools to better target their customers and content. While it is most unlikely i will tailor the posts here to suit anyone in particular, it would help me to be more aware and explain things everyday Malaysians would understand.
In west Malaysia, I get people from Kajang. Do i know anyone in Kajang? Please say hello la. I'm not begging for comments just want to know who you is. If you need to remain anonymous its fine, i hope the blog is a blessing to you.
~shalom~
Why do i need this?
Curiousity they said killed the cat which is why i'm glad i'm not a cat but i guess i just need to know. I don't have people's ip addresses for example, that would be stalking. But i'm fascinated to know people visit the site from all over the world. I've had hits from Japan {hey i'm Japanese bah}, South Africa, UK {wonder who that could be?}, Sweden, Germany, Indonesia, Australia, Canada, but a lot lately from the US and consistently too.
What do you know?
I know this much, my dedicated US reader is in the state of virginia, you use windows most of the time but also linux sometimes, visits regularly and by the time spent on the site i'm guessing he/she {i'll just call you dude}, dude reads most of my post but never comments or anything. So please dude {sorry if you're a girl} please reveal yourself. I hope i don't shock you with the revelation but the truth is many sites these days use these tools to better target their customers and content. While it is most unlikely i will tailor the posts here to suit anyone in particular, it would help me to be more aware and explain things everyday Malaysians would understand.
In west Malaysia, I get people from Kajang. Do i know anyone in Kajang? Please say hello la. I'm not begging for comments just want to know who you is. If you need to remain anonymous its fine, i hope the blog is a blessing to you.
~shalom~
Friday, October 19, 2007
without you
Big daddy weave is among one of my favourite artists because of the quality of his lyrics. These days you listen to 'christian songs' and don't feel like you're praising God or anything. Its nice but lacks a certain something that makes you feel better and they tend to lift you high temporarily. Sad that christian songs have become so secular.
I like this song because its very relevant to my life at the moment and i feel i'm not the only one. Besides that its a nice song. I can't live without you, i dont wanna try to, live one more moment without you - beautiful.
I like this song because its very relevant to my life at the moment and i feel i'm not the only one. Besides that its a nice song. I can't live without you, i dont wanna try to, live one more moment without you - beautiful.
Without you - big daddy weave
Would we hear the sound
Of breathing in the dark
Where would be life’s spark
Without You
Would the birds ever sing
Would the wind move through the trees
Could I touch the grass so green
Under this big sky be so blue
Without You
And the sun doesn’t shine
And my world stops spinnin’ round
Without You
Tell me where else could I ever find
The peace that floods this heart of mine
Without You
Who could fill, the emptiness inside
Who would ease the pain, in my broken heart
Who would come in and abide
Promise never to depart
Without You
I can’t live without You
I don’t want to try to
Live one more moment without You
This is my prayer Lord.
~shalom~
Would we hear the sound
Of breathing in the dark
Where would be life’s spark
Without You
Would the birds ever sing
Would the wind move through the trees
Could I touch the grass so green
Under this big sky be so blue
Without You
And the sun doesn’t shine
And my world stops spinnin’ round
Without You
Tell me where else could I ever find
The peace that floods this heart of mine
Without You
Who could fill, the emptiness inside
Who would ease the pain, in my broken heart
Who would come in and abide
Promise never to depart
Without You
I can’t live without You
I don’t want to try to
Live one more moment without You
This is my prayer Lord.
~shalom~
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
stay one more night: the bario hospitality
I came back from Bario, one of the greatest places in Borneo. The reason we went {the were 6 of us} was to transport musical equipments to smk Bario and to teach them how to take good care of the equipment so they can use it for a long time.
Smk Bario is quite unique in that the seniors of the school are form three. After form three they have to go to Marudi to continue their studies. Not sure why its like that but there's basically no higher education after form three in the school.
We received a very warm welcome. A very formal welcome to the school so much that i felt like a dignitary. True to the Bario warm hospitality, they offer pineapple drink to all visitors, doesn't matter if you've been there before, its their way of saying thank you for coming, we receive you. The drink is fantastic, its basically pineapple with a straw in it, and you have to drink all the way until its finished. The also offered the bead neacklaces for everyone of us, Bario rice and salt. On top of that they played the local flutes for us singing all christian songs. Wah i tell you the feeling is very good. But we came to serve not to be served la.
Pastor Hii, his daughter Charis, Michael and Robin came earlier in the year, so this was the second trip to Bario for them. For Edward and myself it was our first trip. I was told Bario is quite cold so most of my clothes were black and i came with my jacket but surprisingly it wasn't that cold. In fact in the afternoons its quite warm. The nights are cold but not as cold as say genting. What is cold though is the water so taking shower can be quite a challenge. But even the water feels cold only initially after that it becomes sweet and enjoyable, you dont want to come out.
We were fed like kings all through our time there, we stayed at the school in a chalet style house. There was electricity the whole time we were there. The main source of electricity in Bario is through diesel generators. Some people supplement this with solar panels. The house we stayed didnt have any TV but the other houses had astro but we didnt really have time to watch tv.
Setting up the equipments was fun. The students were very enthusiastic to learn the instruments. A few of them were already quite good especially on the drums and guitar so a bulk of the time was spent teaching them new techniques and inspiring them to be creative in their worship leading. This session was basically done by Robin. He's really good with the kids.
On the first night we had a male bonding time, just talking about stuff, life, relationships and stuff. Pastor Hii really enjoyed himself but basically Edward and Michael were playing match maker for Robin. I didn't participate much and well you can understand if i dont talk about the details of what transpired.
We got the chance to go deep into the forest into the place where they make the salt. Its not like the normal white salt we're all used to. The process of making the salt is very tedious. We didnt see it live being made but brother Morris {the pengatuan} explained the process to us. The journey to the salt spring is very long, about 20min on bike and then another 45min on foot. Good exercise however it became apperent i need to get into shape. I was panting the whole journey but it was nice la except for the bumpy roads, my butt still hurts.
Overall i had a very good time. Would love to go again sometime with a better camera so i can really take better shots. I find i really enjoy taking pictures. Anyway, here are a few pictures from the trip. More pictures at my flickr page. {I need a pro account} Sorry the post is kind of long.
We went on this small plane. Surprisingly the ride was very smooth.
Inside of the plane
Michael riding at the back of the hilux
Smk Bario
They played very beautifully
Testimony time = singing time and they all come out to sing
This is for the internet i guess.
You may have heard about the revival that broke out in Bario. This is where it took place.
One of the sessions
Bridge
tiger beer in the forest
walk the plank
there were a lot of fern on the path
this is where they make salt
What does lubang garam mean? I'm thinking salt spring?
R loves P
this is where the salt comes from
some description of the site
inside the hut
my boots
we had fun here
motobike rides are really nice
bario museum
this is where we stayed
selamat datang ke bario
i was kind of scared sitting so close to the propellers.
can even see the cockpit one
Large supplies come to Bario on boats.
the roads snake though the jungle
we stopped over at marudi for a while, bought marudi bread
not sure whats going on here.
Thank God for Everything.
~shalom~
Smk Bario is quite unique in that the seniors of the school are form three. After form three they have to go to Marudi to continue their studies. Not sure why its like that but there's basically no higher education after form three in the school.
We received a very warm welcome. A very formal welcome to the school so much that i felt like a dignitary. True to the Bario warm hospitality, they offer pineapple drink to all visitors, doesn't matter if you've been there before, its their way of saying thank you for coming, we receive you. The drink is fantastic, its basically pineapple with a straw in it, and you have to drink all the way until its finished. The also offered the bead neacklaces for everyone of us, Bario rice and salt. On top of that they played the local flutes for us singing all christian songs. Wah i tell you the feeling is very good. But we came to serve not to be served la.
Pastor Hii, his daughter Charis, Michael and Robin came earlier in the year, so this was the second trip to Bario for them. For Edward and myself it was our first trip. I was told Bario is quite cold so most of my clothes were black and i came with my jacket but surprisingly it wasn't that cold. In fact in the afternoons its quite warm. The nights are cold but not as cold as say genting. What is cold though is the water so taking shower can be quite a challenge. But even the water feels cold only initially after that it becomes sweet and enjoyable, you dont want to come out.
We were fed like kings all through our time there, we stayed at the school in a chalet style house. There was electricity the whole time we were there. The main source of electricity in Bario is through diesel generators. Some people supplement this with solar panels. The house we stayed didnt have any TV but the other houses had astro but we didnt really have time to watch tv.
Setting up the equipments was fun. The students were very enthusiastic to learn the instruments. A few of them were already quite good especially on the drums and guitar so a bulk of the time was spent teaching them new techniques and inspiring them to be creative in their worship leading. This session was basically done by Robin. He's really good with the kids.
On the first night we had a male bonding time, just talking about stuff, life, relationships and stuff. Pastor Hii really enjoyed himself but basically Edward and Michael were playing match maker for Robin. I didn't participate much and well you can understand if i dont talk about the details of what transpired.
We got the chance to go deep into the forest into the place where they make the salt. Its not like the normal white salt we're all used to. The process of making the salt is very tedious. We didnt see it live being made but brother Morris {the pengatuan} explained the process to us. The journey to the salt spring is very long, about 20min on bike and then another 45min on foot. Good exercise however it became apperent i need to get into shape. I was panting the whole journey but it was nice la except for the bumpy roads, my butt still hurts.
Overall i had a very good time. Would love to go again sometime with a better camera so i can really take better shots. I find i really enjoy taking pictures. Anyway, here are a few pictures from the trip. More pictures at my flickr page. {I need a pro account} Sorry the post is kind of long.
We went on this small plane. Surprisingly the ride was very smooth.
Inside of the plane
Michael riding at the back of the hilux
Smk Bario
They played very beautifully
Testimony time = singing time and they all come out to sing
This is for the internet i guess.
You may have heard about the revival that broke out in Bario. This is where it took place.
One of the sessions
Bridge
tiger beer in the forest
walk the plank
there were a lot of fern on the path
this is where they make salt
What does lubang garam mean? I'm thinking salt spring?
R loves P
this is where the salt comes from
some description of the site
inside the hut
my boots
we had fun here
motobike rides are really nice
bario museum
this is where we stayed
selamat datang ke bario
i was kind of scared sitting so close to the propellers.
can even see the cockpit one
Large supplies come to Bario on boats.
the roads snake though the jungle
we stopped over at marudi for a while, bought marudi bread
not sure whats going on here.
Thank God for Everything.
~shalom~
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