the dawning

As time passes it begins to dawn on me slowly. This is real. Honestly when i look at myself i can't possbily imagine being in this role. Yeah i know, trust in the Lord, God is with you and all that. I know that but why am I still worried? So far when i evaluate myself there are still things that i neglect, didn't think of, don't know how to handle, and the list goes on and on but this is real.

I know i have everyone's support but why am I still worried? Maybe because i know myself. I'm really scared that I will mess things up or be too busy to take notice of the needs of the people around me, and on and on.

Someone said when you think negatively about yourself you are in agreement with the devil because he is the accuser of the bretheren. This is new territory for me and i hope my mistakes only lead to correction and improvement because there will be lots of mistakes.

Lord, you know my heart, you know everything about me, and yet you have allowed this too to happen. I dunno what your plans or intentions are for me in this role but i just lift it up to you and say i need your guidance. I need your wisdom. I need you. Help me step out of myself and see these people that you have placed in my care. I want to learn in this period so teach me. Thank you father in Jesus name.

-ONWARD

macbook update may 2009

Apple updated the white macbook. It now comes with a 2.13ghz processor and a bigger 160gig harddrive. In case anyone is interested. And if you buy online, the price did not change, its still RM 3599.

~shalom~

countdown

Right now i feel like going somewhere where there's no on in sight for miles and just scream my lungs out.

~shalom~

what i need

Most times i only come up with a title after i'm done typing. Anyway.

On friday after my presentation, photoshoot wah like model now hehe. Went to SIB for a talk on responding to God's call and this pastor who's about 60 was sharing about his experience in the ministry. From what i gathered he has been serving for about 30 years, thats almost as long as i've been existing. And he doesn't look his age. He still has full hair, still energetic, very animated when he speaks you can sense the excitement in his words. I dunno why i notice these things but i do. Its the little things that matter to me.

Well he was quite worried that not enough people are answering God's call to ministry and shared that there is a lack of people in specific roles, there's a need for teachers, preachers, leaders of small and large groups of people, church planters, evangelists, missionaries, educators in christian doctrine and so on. I couldn't help but wonder if i was ever called. I honestly don't know what i'm good at. I know i like to encourage people but beyond that nada.

One thing thats important, which he stressed more than once was that christian ministry is not something you go into when all else fails. You know when you don't think you fit into anywhere in the world you go to bible school or something. He gave the assurance that you will not last. 

Without reharshing everything he said, there's one thing he said that really made sense to me. God does not give us what we want, he gives us what we need. And i thought about it, i want a lot of things, i want a psp, i want a new camera, and a portable camera, i want this and that and travel to here and there and enjoy my life, i want a good job with a good wife and a lovely home with two boys or one boy one girl or you know i want a lot of things. But God only gives us what we need. Question is, will i be satisfied with what God gives me, or will i always seek the want? Am i content even though i don't get all those nice things? If i never get a mac will i be content or will i continue to strive until i get it. Where do you draw the line between ambition, looking forward to something and being satisfied with what God has given? Its something to ponder on.

~shalom~

P.S its interesting that psalm 23 says the lord is my shepherd, i shall not want. Just thought i would throw that in.

24

Plus one today and i dont feel anything. No excitement, not sure if i can celebrate it or not all thats in my head is planning for the vcf committee retreat camp, make sure everything goes well, remind people, remember not to forget anything.

Good thing my presentation is done, atleast there's one less thing to worry about. But next week i have to complete all my daa (design and analysis of algorithms) tutorials, prepare for two tests and complete my part of the group project. 

Tomorrow i'll be attending a meeting with the student council, well there goes my saturday. 

If this is any indication of things to come i better start getting used to it.

~shalom~