Some fiction

This is the story of Jack. An ordinary, slightly weird quirky little kid who is always picked on. Even the nicest of people make an excuse to pick on Jack and overtime he has gotten used to it. That's the way it is for me, he thought. Its hard being picked on all the time, he had no confidence, no courage to stand up to his bullies. But the thing with being picked on all the time is that it makes you stronger. So Jack became stronger and could endure the endless teasing and mocking. It became like water on the back of a duck.

Jack grew up and so did the bullies, only this time they're in his workplace. They played all kinds of pranks at his expense and poor Jack just took it in. That's just the way it is for me he thought. One day Jack had really had it. It was one of those days nothing goes well, even for him. He came back home, took a nice warm shower, turned off the light and went to bed early. He couldn't sleep though. He was alone in the dark thinking about how unusually hard his life has been, thinking how unfair it all was and how all the good things never lasts for him. Jack was especially sad that day, he cried in the dark, on his bed, thinking how unfair it all was.

That night Jack had a dream. He was in the park, by the lake. It was a very beautiful day, the weather was just right, almost too good to be true. I guess that's how he knew it was a dream. He was sitting on a bench looking out to the lake and the sky, then he noticed his dad was sitting by his side with him. Now he's convinced its a dream. His dad died when he was just 18, from a heart attack but he looks fine now. Hello Jack, his dad said. Long time no see. Jack didn't talk much when his dad was around. Listen Jack, said his dad, I know you're having a hard time and all but don't let it get you down. Life can be tough I know but you can make it through. You could see Jack's eyes well up and he wanted to cry out, no I can't. I can't do this anymore but he was quiet. I tear dropped down from his left eye and made a small spot on his blue jeans. He sniffles. Dad continues, you're a tough kid Jack, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and we didn't really talk much but there's something I want you to know. See those clouds, Jack looked up. It wasn't a very cloudy day but there were a few clouds in the sky, those thin stretched out ones that look like there were painted. Everyday there's a different one. I used to come out here when I was a kid and just look at the sky. Some days you can make out clouds that look like different animals. I liked horses and I would search for clouds that look like horse but didn't manage to spot one. There were usually bunny clouds and stuff like that but everyday there's a different one. They're all unique, I guess that's why I came back again and again. It never gets boring you know. Jack couldn't see the point to all this talk of clouds so dad says after a while, people are like clouds, they're all different, they're all unique. They may look alike but everyone is just different. You're different Jack. I think I know that dad, Jack says at last.

You can see from dad's eyes that he's trying to cheer up his son but doesn't know how. There's not much a dead man in a dream can do. Dad was quiet for a long time, thinking of what to say to his son then finally he says, I want you to promise me something Jack and I want you to think about it first. I don't have much time but you do. You don't have to answer me now but I want you to promise me that you will never stop trying. Trying to do what? Jack says, just trying, you know, like a bicycle. It doesn't fall as long as its moving. Don't stop trying Jack, can you promise me that? Dad, I... He didn't finish his sentence when just like that dad was gone. I don't know if I can do that dad, he says to himself in a low tone. Those clouds began to darken and it seemed like a storm was approaching so Jack got up and headed for home. Just then he woke up. It was just a dream. But he already knew that.
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Disclaimer:
Sometimes my imagination gets the better of me. All characters are fictional. That means they're not real. Jack is a real name of a real person and its possible for someone named Jack to have a dad who died when he was 18 but I don't know anyone like that. All relations to actual people is purely coincidental.

-ONWARD!

thank you for wet eyes

Thank you, my spirit is happy. I played my small part but you received the glory. Its been a really emotional day for me. My eyes go wet every so often. Thank you.

-ONWARD!

Foundations

What is that unshakable truth about Jesus that keeps you through those hard times? For me its too simple things, God is good, pure good. And that God love me. I know he loves everyone but he loves me. That is the foundation from which all other truths are built on so that when things go south and everything you believe in is shaken and taken away, those truths still remain.

On Thursday, in lifegroup, I learned that that is the revelation of God that we all have. For me its these two, for Peter it was who Jesus really was. He was the son of God. So that even when he denied Jesus three times, and felt discouraged and shameful, even when his confidence took a great knocking, he could still come back to Jesus. Not so for Judas, even though he was with Jesus all these time he never had that revelation of who Jesus really is. Interesting that he was there when Peter spoke those worlds which goes to say that its something each one of us must experience for ourselves individually. He didn't have that confidence, he didn't have the foundations, that is why when he betrayed Jesus he felt guilt, the type that does not lead to repentance but condemns. He killed himself instead of coming back to Jesus for forgiveness. Jesus was just an innocent man to him, not the son of God.

After serving as president of VCF for a year, I decided to reduce my commitment drastically, basically did nothing, I thought that's it. I enjoyed serving, in fact the most meaningful times I've had was with the VCF people, in many many meetings and organising things, sometimes if you don't plan your time well it can get out of hand but being president was in many way a failure to me. I don't think I accomplished anything at the time, and I feel very disappointed by the whole experience that I decided not to take on any such roles again. The disappointment from that experience plus my school performance made me really rebellious. I still went to church, still believe in Jesus and all but was empty inside. kosong, literally no life, no joy just empty. God is still good but maybe not to me. Yeah it made sense then, I guess I was depressed.

It was a very difficult position to be in, because all my life I've been going to church and to totally disconnect from all that didn't appeal to me at all. I was not just going to walk away and do my own thing so somehow I stayed and slowly started to read my bible again, and to pray. Oh just as an aside, I think for prayer, if you think you're not praying enough, all you do are those short prayers, its so much better than nothing because at least you do pray. If you don't pray at all after a while, the next time you try its going to be weird. Really. Anyway, the life of the christian is like coals in a fire, we are all carrying fire in us, but to stay burning we need to stay close together. If one coal goes off on its own away from the fire, it loses heat and soon die and become cold. But the hope is that we can always come back to the fire and slowly get warm and hot again. I think this is an important principle to follow. I think that no matter the disappointment, we should always look to God and remember his revelation. God is good, God love me. Foundations.

-ONWARD!

from me to you

You know my heart, you know where I stand, you know me through and through. Even now there are doubts but I want to do this. I really want to. So give me the chance, and help me not to be proud but be humble. Not thinking of myself more highly that I ought to.

Be strong and courageous, that's what you always say and how many times have I heard it. Its some how a reminder that you still think of little ol me. I think that you have done a lot for me over all these years. And yes most times I have taken it for granted but this is the one thing I get to do for you so be with me. May I share in your glory even just a wittle bit.

Forever grateful to you.
-ONWARD!

Come thou fount of every blessing

Hymns are the best. I absolutely love them. They're like prayers, intimate and personal. Nothing pretentious or misleading. Just real communication. Come thou fount of every blessing is one of my favourite, if you listen you can see why and Chris Rice's version is also one of my favourite so it ties in well.

This hymn was written by Robert Robinson who obviously had his fair share of struggles.

Here's my heart O take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above. 
-ONWARD!