sure ah?

I want to share my life testimony here, i dont think i've shared this before, and i think its necessary that i do. Dont be shocked, everything i say is true, i even have witnesses to some events here.

Are you a christian?
Sure, i've been a christians since i can remember!

There was a time i was not sure i was really a christian, i was not sure whether i belonged to the body of christ or not, i was not sure about anything especially when i hear people's testimonies of how they came to christ and how they will never forget the day, i know alot of people know the day and the events tht surrounded their salvation and i didnt, i was not sure and everytime i would come to God i would ask him, am i yours? How come i dont have the same testimony as these people? How come i dont experience the same thing they do?

I remember giving my life to christ when i was in Nigeria, I just finished my O'Level exams and during the waiting period for results i enrolled in the baptismal class {yes there is such a thing} and one of the requirements was a written testimony of your salvation. This was going to be tricky because i could not recall if i did so i went home and knelt down and prayed the prayer and i really meant it. Before that time in my life, i was involved with alot of bad stuff, stuff that are shameful so much that i came down one day and cried to God and said God, if you do not save me i will destroy myself and a hatred for these things developed in me but God was not the center of my life then.

There is one thing about not being sure, the devil will use that and torment you, you cannot stand firm as paul says in romans 6:10 with the whole armour and battle because you dont know where you stand and you cannot come to God and say ok i'm ready now God, save me. Doesnt work that way.

So i lived my life like that, i enjoyed the things of God, i prayed, well sometimes i tried so hard but its all human effort, it doesnt go far. Its all pretence and hypocrisy.

God knows us and when he does something in our lives he'll do it in a way that you will know its him. I dont usually cry in public, i'm a guy but i remember clearly pastor kenneth preaching at good news, he was talking about the difference between david and solomon. In 1kings 3:3 Solomon loved the Lord just like his father david except, he offered sacrifices at the local alters. And he was challenging the young people there, are there excepts in your life? God is eith God of all or not at all. There was something about that message that hit me, and it came to a point when we all came out to commit our lives to God, well some of us that i was crying, it was strange, i could not control myself it was almost embarrassing but it didnt matter that much, pastor cheli came up and prayed for me and said alot of things have taken over oguchi and i nodded in agreement, that was profound.

Things didnt change much after that, but i was not happy with the way my life was, i just couldnt help myself.

Then one sunday pastor had to go to KL for some reason, i dont remember now and he said mark would preach on sunday when he arrives kuching, and michael was backup in case he didnt come on time but sure enough this indian guy with his sister came into the church with his bagpark.

I never really met him before but some of the guys; michael, chris, and simon must have known him because he noticed he was losing weight. There was something about him, while he was preaching there was an intensity and a sadness at the same time a sharp piercing word from God, un-diluted and just raw without any flowerings or anything like that. He was talking about the churches that are closing in parts of malaysia and the rise in false teachings but for some reason he came and was saying, are you sure, are you sure you belong to God, do you know beyong a doubt that Jesus will not reject you. That was hard, he was basically tearing down all my walls, all my defences, there was no where to run, no excuse made sense anymore, i needed to be sure.

So when he called out for those who want to be saved and be sure, i went up. Its a hard thing to do, i was in the midst of my friends, and brothers and sisters who have always regarded me as a christian and i was coming out to be saved, to be sure. It was hard but its not about them, this is about me and God, i dont care what anyone thinks but i had to know i'm His. I had to clear the doubts and get real, i had to make a stand in public and declare that i am for Jesus.

I was crying up there as i stood beside Yong shen who also came up, I admire him for his courage, he was also crying. At that time i felt shame and i felt vulnerable and i felt that i had let God down all this while, i remember saying God, i'm scared. In the midst of all these i felt his love, that why when anyone asks me, what is God to you, i say he's good. It seems like a simple answer but its an answer i can testify to, it has a deeper meaning in my life.

I dont have to face the tormenting thoughts of my place in God, now i know for sure, and i remember that sunday in october when i gave my life to God for real. I still have my quiet personality but there are things that are deposited in me that were not there before. God is real and God is good. So in closing this rather long post i want to ask you in all humility and gentleness, are you sure you belong to christ?

~selah~

wishlist

You know God is good? I was just going through some old files and found a list of things i wanted to do and places i wanted to go and things i wanted. It sounds like of selfish when i look back at what i wrote, i mean all those stuff for me and i was tempted to add more :P

I had some of them crossed out because they were not necessary but i was amazed how most of them have already been taken care of, like going to singapore, its so great. Even the mp3 player i won was in the list, i wanted to buy one but now i dont have to. And the best part about the whole thing is that i didnt even pray for these things i just get them.

Its so amazing to have a father that cares about us and knows the needs we have, its like a father who's walking pass his child's room and overhear them pray for something and decides to suprise them and get the exact thing the child was praying for, imagine the joy the child would experience, and even more than that the love for the father that will be reinforced. Its nice to know that he knows our thoughts and desires, and it pleases him to give us things.

He is our Father, but he's also King and Lord of all. I'm glad he's my father.

~shalom~

casino royale

Today, well yesterday we went out to watch casino royale the new james bond movie. I must say its been a while since i went to the cinema, i think the last movie i watched was xmen 3.

Casino Royale was nice, i'm not going to go through the movie so dont spoil it for you. But i will say the first moments of the movie was very active and there was some humour in this one quite unlike most bond movies. They even added gave 007 some affection in this one, and the new guy, david craig or is it daniel craig, he's not bad at all.

Overall i'll rate it 8/10 not bad for a bond movie ;)

my offering

You know there are times we make promises to God concerning commitment to his course and, there are times when the word of God speaks so personally to us that we just cry, and then we make decisions to change and lead better lives?

Pastor would say that genuine love and care can do more to draw people to God than the best sermon, and its true people dont care how much you know unitl they know how much you care. The ministry of a christian, and by ministry i mean the whole serving life of a christian, is one of weakness. Michael said that and its true, if someone slaps you in one cheek turn the other one, if a soldier demands you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask and dont turn away from those who want to borrow. {matthew 5}

It seems that we can achieve more with little effort on our part if we just obey the word of God and not try to figure out what it could have meant, if its practical today, and start to doubt and debate. Why am i saying all these things?

I have set out to glorify God with this blog and other blogs that i am involved with, to be honest and to give my life as an offering. Sometimes words like that sound nice but the true meaning can leave us in a state of lack. What is my offering? Its not to complain and criticize, jesus never did that, he was not found arguing instead he just went about doing the will of God.

Long story short, the more you get to know about what it means to follow christ, the more humble you become, i'm not saying i'm humble in anyway, but i strive to be all that jesus is and to give him the highest glory and praise. If this doesnt make sense then dont bother, i'm like that sometimes but God understands, he always does.

Jesus i'm sorry for going my way and drifting from the pattern you have set for me, i acknowledge my wrong and i want to change, help me in my weaknesses and strengthen my strengths that i may be a vessel you can use, its all about you anyway. Let this blog be an offering to you and nothing else.

~shalom~

observations-crowne plaza

This post could have turned out differently if i wasnt in church tonight but i thank God for restaining me and allowing me to see things differently.

Usually on weekends the Inti school bus takes us to town at two hours intervals starting from 1pm. Most of the time i choose to go to sarawak plaza and then to tun jugah and end up in crowne plaza. I want to make the most of the opportunity we have since we dont pay for these weekend trips so i stay busy for two hours so i can join the bus back to school.

I dont know how many people notice but there is a rather large congregation of mostly malay kids in and around crowne plaza on the weekends. I dont go out on weekdays so i only notice them on the weekend when i'm out. They stay at the entrance, some go up to the car park, and sit on the can i call it a ledge? yeah the opening to looks out towards the river, that place. Others just wonder about and i can't help but see the emptiness of these people.

I must say they look frightening, most of them dressed in retro, gothic rock band like people. Its quite i dunno, i guess well it looks good on them, they have this street fashion thing going. Others add weird body piercings to the mix.

I just sit there observing them while waiting for the bus, they just wonder about, smoke, hang out with friends and enjoy so to speak. Some go as far as causing trouble. I saw one in particular, he was like a bully boss, you know the leader of his gang of bullies? He picked up this guy from where he was sitting, by the road, {I think he was beating a bit before he sat down, he had a sad countenance} and put his arms around him, his {bully} homies were behind him, and he led this guy into the building, i have no idea what he wanted to use him for. The other day i saw these group push this guy down, he fell in front of his girlfriend, he was rather young to have a girlfriend i thought but that was no justification for their action and she obviously was helpless she could not do anything but help get him up again.

Now why am i saying this? I remember when i was young and rebelious. I was in the car going to school, my mom was driving and i started to knot my tie because we were getting closer to school. Those days i didnt want to comb my hair so there i was busy with my tie and the driver of the taxi next to our car called out to me, he said o boy you no dey comb your hair? {translation: dont you ever comb your hair} I was like whats your business? Its my hair, of course i never gave those words voice but my mom was laughing by my side, in agreement to what they taxi driver what saying. I really believe its not his business, and it really wasnt.

My point is, people need to stand up and caution these behaviour of these guys, i dont know much about asian culture, but from what i've seen people dont rebuke others openly, things just slide, and there's sense of its not my business, let them do what they want. But then things will get out of hand and that would be sad, to see the main hotspot for tourists turned into a war zone for gangs fighting for supremacy. Thats not the case now but it might soon be reality.

I dont really want to sound like i'm hating people for having a good time with their friends on a weekend, i really like seeing youths being themselves and expressing themselves with respect to fashion and influence. I dont hate the malay people, i have no reason to and even if i did have a reason Jesus does not allow me to hate so thats that. I'm just expressing a discomfort in my heart and a longing for some purpose i see in these young people, even though they look dangerous and all. They have a longing nothing can fill and i see that. I wonder who else can see this too.

~shalom~