The past few months have been really challenging and difficult for me. Making life-changing decisions is not easy, I don't know what is right and what is wrong. Every decision has its pros and cons so you have to weigh each carefully. On top of everything there are external pressures and expectations.
Last Thursday when everyone was sharing about how they got to know me and what I meant to them in cell group, I realised that most of what I have done in all my time here has been with the church. And most of the people I know were through church or CF. They shared some really nice things, and I felt blessed that I could be a part of their lives.
It's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep because I'm worried and thinking about so many things and I don't have peace and I feel all alone. In the midst of these things, I'm thinking about the meaning of life. What is the point? What are we really living for? To please people? To live up to expectations? Keep up social appearances? What is it? If that's all my life amounts to, a struggle to the end to win the validation of my friends and family then that would be really sad and I don't want any of it.
You just can't please everyone. And some people will be disappointed in they way you choose to live your life, they will be disappointed at your decisions, they will be disappointed because they have an idea in their heads how you are supposed to turn out, and that idea is in conflict with who you are and who you want to be. And you have to decide to be who you are, what makes you you and be satisfied in that or choose to be who they want you to be and be miserable.
I've decided that I don't care about what people say about me, if they judge me, make fun of me, ridicule me or anything. I've decided to live my life the way I'm uniquely designed. I've decided to do what I know is right, even though it's not popular and it may seem foolish. Just because most people take path A and are successful does not mean that you should do the same. We all have a role to play in this life, we all have a path to travel, we are all unique that way.
I've decided to trust that the decision I have made is the right one. Even though it turns out not to be, I've decided to trust that God is big enough to bring me to the right place in his own way and in his own time. I think it takes courage to do the unpopular thing and to look like a fool for what you know is right. Time will tell.
-ONWARD!