Me and my dad

"When you get into the car, wear your seatbelt and lock the door. Don't let me remind you again." When I started my 4th year of secondary school I had to follow my dad because he left earlier than my mom. Right from primary school I've always gone with my mom but they started punishing late comers and I'd had enough at that point. That was the first thing he told me when I got into the car. I still remember it till this day. It has become a habit so that when I get into any car I put on my seatbelt, but cars these days lock themselves.

My dad is not affectionate. He has never hugged me or told me he loved me. He seemed more concerned about my studies to the point that I resented studying and him. His work takes him away from his family for weeks, sometimes even months at a time and as a result I don't have a strong bond with him. I don't know what he likes or what gives him joy. I don't know my dad. Our difference in ideology and faith further draw us apart and even now that we are separated by distance and time zones our relationship has not improved much. I used to hate my dad, I used to think I was adopted because of the disconnect between how I was treated and how I saw other families treat their sons.

The best thing that happened to me, that changed the way I thought about my father was seeing a good example of a father. To me and to many, Pastor Cheli has been an example of a good father. I see how he treat his sons, both biological and spiritual, his life has made a difference in my life. I also grew to know the love of my heavenly father. His love is more than I deserve. When I was utterly alone, depressed and in despair He was there. His love is unconditional, unfailing, unending. Knowing God and learning to draw closer to him, relying on him in all things has changed my heart.

I don't hate my dad anymore. I have settled in my heart that I cannot live up to his expectations and I won't try. But I can be a better son, I can allow God's love to reach him through me. If anything I feel a bit sorry for him. I have no idea what his life was like growing up and he never talks about himself. Maybe he just doesn't know how to do all these affectionate stuff, at least I have God to show me what love is, he doesn't have that yet.

For what it's worth, I actually admire him. When I think of a strong, smart, hardworking man, I think of my dad. He can fix anything from clogged sinks to generators and cars. I have memories of him being called in the middle of the night for a job and he leaves. It's a sacrifice he makes to make our lives a bit better. My dad is a generous man who gives to people, even those who say bad things about him. He's a terrible driver who makes use of every inch of the road and God help you if you're in his way. He won't hit you but it'll be really close. He's a wild man and I like it.

While I can't say with all my heart that I love my dad, I can say that I don't resent him anymore. I couldn't say that a few years ago. These things take time I guess but I long for the day when I can sit down with him and hear all his stories. And maybe hear him say that he is proud of me.

This father's day I sent a message to him, reminding him of what he said that day I got into his car and how I missed working with him fixing things around the house and his response was thnx. If you think I'm quiet now you know where it comes from.

My sister sent this to me just now as I was writing this post.

Happy Fathers Day bro! I'm celebrating the father you will become, not just to my nephews and nieces but to every young person.

I'm not a father yet but hope to be one someday. My family is weird but it's all I have and I love everyone of them.

-ONWARD!