into the unknown

Every time i stare at this editor i try my best not to be too preachy but i always fail. For some time now there's a lot that has been in my mind. A lot that have been going on within, some very new. Experiences that i've never had before, some things that i'm not proud and stuff.

This semester will be my last as a VCF committee member. I remember how i came to vcf. I remember kimberly asking me if i want to become a cell group leader even before i left kuching. I was assisting Diana in the Friday cell group. Last time it used to be in campus from 12 to 2 since everyone is free. And then i moved to luke's cell group on monday i think delany and felicia were all new and shy :) I think that was my favourite cell group. Some how they made it fun and interesting. We didn't do deep bible study but always had icebreakers and some games, and some times light refreshment. And then i was asked to be in the committee.

I think i called michael telling him i could not handle this. And he said for most of the challenges in life we are not prepared for them. For most things we just go in faith. I was elected to be in the caring ministry with chuma. It was an opportunity for me to learn about myself and to learn to serve this wonderful fellowship. In the first half of our term i struggled a lot. Part of my duty is to get speakers for our fortnightly celebrations and it was not easy to find people, have them confirm and all within the time frame. I quickly learned to plan ahead and be ready for an alternative plan if things changed.

I remember that i preferred to work independently, i don't think i gave chuma a lot of opportunities, yeah like i said i learned a lot about myself. Not justifying my actions but i find it easier, less stressful not relying on people because there are a lot of things that could come up 'excuses' and stuff but i think it was a wrong move.

Being in the caring ministry opened my eyes a bit to see everyone i vcf and everyone that was not part of vcf but was suppose to be. And in my heart i always wanted the fellowship to grow, i felt so welcomed and i wanted the new students to feel the same way but for some reason over time it seemed like there was not much interest, in general among the students in the things the things that we do. Or was it that we didnt reach out to them enough. I dunno i just feel like that. And then there was the case of our previous members who joined other cell groups and didn't come anymore, some just drifted away without any reason. i guess those were the sad moments.

Last year to my shock i was elected president. I was not expecting that at all. I feel like i don't deserve the position and i fought against it be in the end with tears and an unwilling heart i went on. Our first  semester as a new committee was very shaky. We were all new to this committee thing. Making decisions for the fellowship, changing some of our long standing traditions. I guess we took some bold steps. Not sure if they were the right ones but maybe time will tell.

When i look back and  i shared this in our last meeting. I see my life in Curtin as fulfilling. I've never thought of how it would have been if i was not involved with vcf or any clubs. Maybe i'll be a nerd or a geek or not. But i know it won't be as fulfilling. I would have missed all the meetings, the birthday celebrations, the sports events, the troubles, yes those too. They make life interesting. The goodbyes, the celebrations, and all the opportunity to serve. Yes its very tiring but after the hard work is done there's yeah the word is fulfillment.

The first steps to something big can be sometimes scary because its unknown, uncharted territory, there's no preparation but when we put our trust in the one who makes all things possible, we start to see that what was scary was really nothing to be afraid of. This is the season where a new committee will be formed to run the fellowship for another year. As someone who has been there, done that i would like to confirm that God is able to keep you from falling and present you faultless... that his strength is made manifest in your weakness. That when you lack wisdom and you ask for it, you really do receive. And yes we are not worthy of any good thing we get from God, we are not worthy to lead God's people but who he called he justifies, and who he justifies he glorifies.

In closing i'm reminded to think of my challenges as opportunities to learn more about myself, about other people, and to learn to trust God because thats what faith is.

-ONWARD

parts of the brain by brain

-ONWARD

quote from a friend

Nothing is forever, only God is.

Simple words but it resonates in my heart especially at this time.

-ONWARD

you are near

I love this song from the first time i heard it back when i was still in kuching. I remember i had a blank cd lying around and asked my friend to burn it to cd for me and i borrowed a cd player from michael. I hadn't bought Ben yet. Everytime i hear this song i am reminded of my old room in pleasant courts where i dealt with being alone, missing home and family and how i managed to pull through.

These few days i've been a bit under the weather. Its a good thing it started with my last class for the week and i'm getting better. Been spending more of my time at home, not doing anything in particular, trying to rest and being careful about what i eat. Last time i felt this way was when i had chocolate mint cake a few months ago. In these few days i can say i have felt peace. There's not the usual chaos that greets every week. Sure i have a tutorial to prepare for this monday, i have to get people to volunteer to be security tuesday and wednesday, there's the meeting this saturday and then the student council proposal thingy and so on but i feel peace.

Church was good :) I've got to say my best part of sunday service is the singing and then the message, everything else is good but not as good. I guess its true, we really need to be reminded more than we need to be instructed and I was reminded of my responsibility to myself to know God in a personal way. I've been slacking for some reason but God has been faithful.

It feels good doing the right thing, going against the norm. It may not be popular but in the end there's the peace that you have done what is right.

-ONWARD

i made some changes

As you can see. This is not the original design i had in mind and was working towards but this its close enough. Blogger has this thing where you can design your own template just by making a few choices. You will have to login using draft.blogger.com I don't think it works on the regular blogger accounts yet but its really cool so try it out. Here's a video from the blogger team showing off what's possible.



I may continue on my original template if i have the time but for now this will do.

-ONWARD

on learning

I love to play badminton. Since i discovered the game i've always wanted a chance to play. But you can entertain yourself by just watching me play, i suck at the game. I miss the shuttlecock a lot, i don't hold the racket properly and i've developed a habit of hitting my knee when i smash real hard.

There are some days when the suck factor is higher than others. After such days i ask myself why do i even play this stupid game? I don't play the game to become a professional or anything just for the fun of it yet i feel frustrated when that return hit the net. How come? I guess i push myself a lot in certain areas. I feel after some time of playing this game some aspects of my game will improve or maybe i'm so focused on being better i don't see the small improvement? Have I improved at all? I dont think i can say that but really thats how we learn.

In this 21st century we are so used to things that are fast, internet, computer and so on that we expect everything to be like that. And to be fair we are expected to learn fast, adapt fast understand fast or be left behind. Somethings really take time and the time is not a constant. Granted there are people who learn really fast but not everyone is like that.

I guess the observation i'm trying to share is that if you do something often enough you will get better at it. It doesn't matter if you see it or not but there's always improvement depending on the amount of effort you put in. And its nice to celebrate or at least acknowledge these improvements, let them motivate you as you move on to other things.

-ONWARD