Life update - September 15 2025

I should write more.

Life is busy. 
If you don't schedule something, remember to do it, actually do it, it never gets done.
The older I get the more I feel like I'm being pulled in all these directions.

Being multi-skilled and curious to try new things, and having a hard time saying no just exasperates the situation leading to the need to observe long periods of down time.
Life is busy.

More than just being busy, more and more I'm thinking about relevance, legacy, meaning.

What's the meaning of all this?
What do we get for all our toil on this celestial ball?
What's it all for?
I can't get excited anymore about a new phone, or car, or house, or [insert cool thing to be excited for here]. It just doesn't hold my heart or affection anymore. 
I long for me, for depth, for meaning.
I want meaning.

Wisdom is connected to time.

I was reading a book and these words just stuck with me; wisdom is connected to time.

It was Sit Stand Walk by Watchman Nee and he was talking about first fruits and other fruits.
They're all fruit but the first fruits are priced more because they come out first.
Those who bear first fruits are those who after they had heard the implanted word, immediately acted on it. They didn't wait, they didn't ponder, they just acted straightaway. Their prompt action is called wisdom. Those who did not act immediately are fools.

I've been thinking about all the books I've read, courses I've taken, opportunities I've had that just ended in me gathering more and more knowledge. Where's the action?
Take action Guchi. 
Take action quickly.
Early action is wisdom.

-ONWARD!

2024

The year is almost over. It was a good year. It was a challenging year but we made it.

I just feel like taking a moment to look back at the significant events that happened this year.

This year has been a year of learning for me. I joined a few classes and courses - Copywriting, Sales and Marketing CSM course by Bossuzhi, Social Media Client Acquisition SMCA course by Irene Iniobong Pepple ESQ, Virtual Assistant course by DEXA , AI Mastery course by Nifemi Onibiyo, Canva for Business Owners course by Irene Iniobong Pepple. That's a lot of courses. I was all over the map. 

Each course was another learning opportunity. I learned not just to course content but how the coach presented their content, how they engaged with their students, how they answered questions, their availability, all that, because I would like to create my own courses in the future.

For the coming year, I would like to consolidate to one to two things and go deep.

I really enjoy creating AI images using text to image tools.

-ONWARD!

Dan Da Dan

I'm writing about this here because  I need an outlet.

New Anime, 8 episodes so far. I've heard about it but haven't really paid much attention because I'm very picky with the anime I watch. 

I was so glad when Bleach came back with the Thousand Year Blood War arc, it's been so good, I've been enjoying it to far. 

Demon Slayer, Kaiju 8 and Jujitsu Kaisen are not running at the moment. I don't like anything else that's available so I rather not watch.

I'll just call it DDD, it's a crazy show. I love the intro and outro songs. I would usually skip them most animes but I always listen to DDDs.

The story is quite interesting, a nice twist to the supernatural genre. I like the mix of school life and supernatural stuff. Kind of like Bleach in the early days but more edgy, less rigid.

The style is refreshing. The characters are being developed slowly. I like the way they do it, revealing it then in little bits instead of dedicating whole episodes or story arcs just to tell a character's backstory.

I like the show. I think it's nice. I wish I had not started until at least this season was over so I can binge watch it but I can probably wait for new episodes each week.

Yes, I like it. It's well done. Good show.

-ONWARD!

Closure

I've not told this story publicly but I think it's time. I want to be clear, I don't want to dig up old things or to throw anyone under the bus. I just want to express my feelings and tell my story. 

Towards the end there was a lot of confusion. There were so many stories, I was not sure what to believe. I didn't know what was true and what was lies and deceptions. I was confused. It was a transition time for me. New city, new school, new reality. I was scared too.

I got the call in the worst possible time. I remember I was at Colombia Asia getting my physical done when I heard the words, let go and let God. I was heartbroken. I cried.

The days that followed were unlike anything I had experienced prior. For the first time I felt so numb. I was depressed. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to attend class, or eat or go to church. I just wanted to sleep, and be alone. I spent all my time in my room at Curtin Villa. I would watch my roommate Agilan go for classes in the morning and come back in the evening. I turned down his invitations to have dinner together. I felt bad for doing it but I couldn't help myself.

I kept replaying the scenes of the past couple of days over and over in my mind. I kept thinking what I would have done differently. I was stuck in a loop.

With time, I found the courage to open up to some people and share what I want going through. Samson was in a similar situation at the time with his LDR and we had something in common. Talking helped. 

With time, I found the courage to attend church again. During that time it seems like the message was prepared for me and not the entire congregation, as if Pastor Hii knew what was happening inside me. He obviously didn't but God did. I experienced the love of God. Even when I had gone my own way and turned my back on him, he reached out and took hold of me and drew me close to himself. I experienced the love of God personally.

With time I got involved with VCF and found another community like the one I left in Kuching. I found the company of friends to be uplifting. On Saturdays I would attend EYN at SIB Airport Road. Joshua would take us there, and we would have dinner afterwards.

My new VCF family provided the support I needed. There are many things you cannot come right out and say, even to your closest friends, and you really don't have to. 

I was accepted in VCF. I found joy attending the VCF celebrations. Later I was part of the organizing team. I forgot my sorrows, I found joy again. But the scar was still there and I was still scared. I never really got to know anyone else, I never tried to get a girlfriend. Even when my close friends tried to match me with Oja, we discovered we're much more like brothers and sisters than anything else. In her words, he's not a bad guy but there's no spark. 

Deep down I was still scared and lacked confidence. I always wondered if I have learned all the lessons I needed to learn to make a new relationship better than the previous one. I didn't want to be heartbroken again or break any girl's heart.

I'm sorry. I was young, and foolish and immature. I was strong-willed and rigid. I'm sorry for all I put you through. I had hoped to do this in person but that may never happen. Gomen nasai. Sorry for the hurtful things I said. Find it in your heart to forgive me. I forgive you too. And I release you from my heart.

I've come to a point in my life where I feel like it's time to take a chance again. I'm not the man I used to be. By God's grace I'm better in all the ways that matter. I'm more mature, I've been through things that have moulded and shaped my character. I'm an uncle to 6 beautiful nieces that I adore like my very own children. I don't smile much but I'm happy when I'm with them. 

It's time. It's time to let someone else in. It's time to take a chance to be hurt again. It's time for new experiences, it's time for a new chapter. 

Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for teaching me how to treat a girl. But it's time. I let you go from my heart. I hope you've let me go too.

Sayonara, we de peng you.

-ONWARD!

Thoughts of an almost 40 year old

I'm at the office, its almost two in the afternoon. It's a slow day. My boss is not in the office today, she usually takes Fridays off. I'm listening to Bossa Nova music on one of the millions of tabs on this Brave browser. It rained for a bit just now, the roof still has the sound of dropping water. It's quite cool, the fans are not on, but there's a nice gentle draft in the office.

Since my last birthday, I've been thinking a lot about the next one. Next year I turn 40. Four decades of life. Can you believe it? It's wild. 

I've been thinking about how I lived the first forty years of my life, the decisions I made and how they turned out, what I can do differently going forward. 

Usually people mark this milestone with big parties and photoshoots and more but it's really not my thing. However I feel like it should be marked in some way but thinking right here I can't think about what to do. I like cake so maybe a small thing that involves a cake? Beyond the festivities, there are more serious decisions to make. For example, why I'm not yet married. Is it really that I can't find a mate or is it money? What is it? What can I change? Deep down do I really want to get married or do I really want to make money?

People say you don't need money to get married and they give examples, some even of themselves, how they got married with little money. I don't doubt their experience but if I'm honest, I don't buy it. There's a reason why next to infidelity, money is the main reason marriages break up. I'd rather stay as I am than become a statistic. C'est la vie.

I've also been thinking about my job. I thank God for the job I have, it has been a training opportunity to develop my character and skills. I also like that I get to do things for God as part of my job. As time has passed, I've noticed a kind of ceiling, a creative and financial ceiling I can no longer ignore. In response I've been taking courses to gain more skill and improve myself. I've gotten into marketing and copywriting and find that it's something I enjoy doing. It's something I'm pursuing seriously to see how far I can go. Like most people I desire financial freedom and more flexibility with work. I want to work from Nigeria for international businesses and earn in US Dollars. I want to work on my terms and at my pace, and I definitely want to exit this rat race.

So that's love and money. The next thing is faith. 
While I'm come quite far in my faith, I see there's a lot more to do and know about what I believe. I'm not completely satisfied with where I am spiritually, with my relationship with God and the expression of my faith. Yes, I go to church, yes I teach in a small group, yes I serve in Church but personally, there are depths in God I've not explored. I've been playing it safe in the shallow part. 
What does a fully spiritual me look like? How do I get there?
I know how, and there is desire but I probably lack the will to put in the work.
Sometime I wonder if I sat down with Jesus and had a heart to heart talk and he honestly told me what he really thinks of me, if I would be proud to hear what he has to say. I think he would rebuke me in the most gentle way, just like Peter. (Do you love me more than these?)

One thing I am sure of is that I really want to be present for my family. I have six nieces that mean the world to me, and I want to be there for them. I want to be present for my sisters and brother. I want to be there for my parents. Nothing matters quite as much as my family at this time. They are my why, they are the motivation for any change I'm considering.

Until next time.

-ONWARD!