Why can't things just go according to plan? Why is it that every time you try to organise things it always, almost out of rebellion wants to get disorganised and random. Its like trying to force two north poles of a magnet together. As soon as you let go it does its own thing.
They say you learn to make good decisions by making lots of bad ones. Well that's a bit scary. Actually its very scary considering that your bad decision might course someone their life, if you're like a doctor or a pilot or someone responsible for other people which is pretty much everyone alive. It can also course you your own life, or happiness or something good. But that's the way it is. Makes me think of Ecclesiastes when the wise man was saying everything is vanity, a chasing after the wind. And it is. Really.
What if you could suspend all your fears? What if they didn't matter anymore? What would you do? What won't you do? That's a dangerous way to think and to live because you could be caught in two extremes. You could be very nonchalant and quite frankly destructive. On the flip side you could be more daring yet tempered with a gentle dose of caution and common sense. Either way its dangerous but only one way is beneficial.
Switching gears.
Will I ever love again
An interesting question. Almost everyone who had 'loved and lost' as they say, ask this question. On twitter it seems like there are a lot of people in this category. You think that he was the best thing that ever happened to me, or no one can make me feel the say she did or you can't find a person like that anymore. Its very difficult to see people hurting, especially if you can relate. Like if you had this terrible migrane and its not a usual thing for you but there was this one time when it hit you and you felt like its the worst thing in the world but you got over it and if someone came to you and said: oh man! I have this terrible migrane, you can relate and 'feel their pain', as they say. Most of the times there's nothing you can do except just reassuring them that it will pass, take medication, rest more and stuff like that.
Being with someone changes you, losing them changes you again. There's a tendency to become cynical and scared but its not necessary to feel that way. At least I don't think so. Sometimes its no one's fault and things just happen. Like those magnets. Like I said in the previous post, there are things that make you unique and different and attractive to at least one person. And I know its a small number but it counts. (One of these days I'll post about the influence of one person). And it will be a shame, and a general disservice to yourself and to everyone else to become cynical, angry jealous, and other ugly expressions because something 'bad' happened to you. And you lose that something special. You're not unique in your experiences. People go through worse stuff and still find a reason to smile and be nice. Some of the kindest people have had their heart broken, so giving excuses and sulking is just not
Will I love again? Absolutely. If you want to. But you must want to. It may take time to get back on your feet and clear your mind and decide what you want. But sure, why not? Everyone is flawed in at least one way that drives your crazy. They will get on your nerves, they will hurt you, they will say not so nice things about you. Can you deal with that? If its too much then consider staying by yourself. You'll probably find something to fill your life with joy. Or not. Who knows? We all harvest what we plant. We all reap what we sow. That sounds better. Giving your heart away is the most unselfish thing humans can do.
-ONWARD!