500 Miles From Home

Lord I'm one, Lord I'm two, Lord I'm three, Lord I'm four,
Lord I'm 500 miles from my home.
500 miles, 500 miles, 500 miles, 500 miles
Lord I'm five hundred miles from my home.

- 500 Miles - Peter, Paul & Mary

I love this song. I found a cover by Yanamoto Junko and it's the best rendition in my opinion. 

I've been struggling with, I'm not sure what it is. I've had depression in the past but this is different. I feel like the lyrics of this song, like I'm quite far away from home. Home is not a place where I live, it's where I belong. I'm far from the place where I belong, where I am complete, put together, coherent, alive.

I don't really understand, that's probably why I'm writing this, to get it all out and make some sense of what this...okay so I need a name for it. I'm broken. Brokenness. That's it. This is a more fitting song.

… I'm not alright
I'm broken inside, broken inside
Broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
Leads me to you, leads me to you

… I'm not alright, I'm not alright, I'm not alright, that's why I need you

 

- Broken Inside by Sanctus Real

The king and his men couldn't put humpty dumpty back together again.

I feel like there's no life inside, like my light is dim or out. Work is exhausting, and borderless. When I get home, the last thing I want to do is continue working. For me there's a clear boundary between work and home. I don't even think about work stuff, I don't plan anything, it's a different zone, a different environment. I finally get to have time to myself to do the things that matter to me, but no.  I still get calls, zoom meetings, whatsApp, there's really no escape. And for what? What do I get for all this? I can't think of anything.

 

The only thing that gives me joy are my nieces and of course family and watching TV series and Anime on my phone.

I seriously need a change. I can't go on like this. Help me. Put me back together again. Give me back joy.

-ONWARD!

Faith as desperation

I recently read Luke 5:16-26 again, and shared it at work at our morning devotion. 

Have you ever noticed how what you got in your personal time with God in the morning gets expanded upon once you share it, or when you go back to it? You get more added than you received previously.

The story is familiar but as people kept sharing their thoughts, what registered for me was something someone said: even where there was no space, they created a space for themselves and their friend. That's a powerful picture.

I fall in the camp of those who get tired quickly when seeking something. I'm easily worn out. Yet these friends went all the way. The large crowd did not deter them, they could have given up and gone home, they could have had a legitimate excuse, but they were determined to get help for their friend today. Their desperation for their friend was called faith, and their faith was rewarded. 

It seems counterintuitive that you would ask desperately from a loving God who calls himself our heavenly father but he requires and even commends this desperation.

Jesus even told two stories that explore this theme of desperation as faith. The story Syrophoenician woman and the story of the unjust judge.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him Hebrews 11:16 NIV

I learned that faith means coming again, and again, and again, raising the issue one more time, and not stopping until you receive what you seek. Sometimes it requires a desperate act, a kind of stubbornness on our part to demand attention to the issue we are raising. The Syrophoenician woman was not discouraged, aggravated or offended when Jesus called her a dog she would bear any insult to get that crumb which was sufficient to get the healing she wanted for her daughter. These friends were not deterred by the large crowds, they did what was unthinkable, they didn't care whose house they defaced, or the consequences. Time will come to settle those matters but right now, they needed to reach Jesus.

I fear that I am much too reasonable, much too calm, much too self-conscious to do something so daring and over the top. Something in me says, I shouldn't have to do all that. Yet there are these examples and the commendation from the Master - he saw their faith. Could it be that he is waiting to see my faith?

-ONWARD!

Keep going

I've said before that music is the original time machine.
I've been listening to some Hillsong that I enjoyed as a youth. It's brought back many memories of church and worship. As I reflect on my youthful years, I'm glad I spent it the way I did.

I want talk about something that has been on my mind for some time. It is something that was revealed to me in my time of prayer. The Holy Spirit said that the times of consistent prayer produces a compounding effect, the kind of way you would think of compound interests.

It's like each time we invest in the things of God, especially the personal things that are just between you and God, not so much the public things. Each time we invest in spiritual things is like putting a drop of water in a large bucket. It will take an insane amount of drops of water to fill that bucket, but if we continue, with time, it will be filled. Once filled, one more drop will cause it to overflow. It is at this point of overflow that we begin to see a shift. It seems like suddenly things begin to happen that did not happen before. Suddenly a simple worship session, nothing different from those of days past, produces a great outpouring of the Spirit of God, great manifestations in healings, deliverance etc. And you can't explain it, you wonder, why is this happening now? It's the overflow!

Sadly many of us never reach this point because we are inconsistent, or because we get discouraged by the sheer amount of time and effort that is required to get to this point. We give up or lose heart or both. Even for those who get here, they may get caught up in the new things that are happening and forget to continue. These manifestations are but the first signs; there is more to come if we just continue. But alas, this is where many people follow the signs and forget the discipline they have been on all these years - the discipline that produced these signs. They peg themselves at that level and never advance, or worse they begin to slide back and lose sight of God.

There are somethings to which it is better never to taste than to taste and lose. Some experiences should never be ours if only they will be lost.

The word I bring to you and to myself is to never slack, never ease up, never settle, never give up, no matter what you see or do not see. Continue, persist, keep pressing, keep demanding, keep insisting because everyone who dares to ask, and keeps asking will receive what they ask for. Everyone who seeks and keeps seeking finds and the door is opened to those who won't stop knocking.

-ONWARD!

The power of partnership

I was going through some of my old quiet time notes and found this note that I wrote in 2019. I'm publishing it here for posterity.

Partnership is the will of God.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” - Genesis 2:18 NASB

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” - Genesis 1:26 NIV

God is not solitary, He does not work alone. The triune God exists in three persons, different in their functions. The Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit - all God, all co-dependent, all serving each other, submitting to each other, existing in perfect unity. This is God's will for us.

Man existed alone and when God saw it, He said, No! He must be like we are. Let us introduce another dimension to our work. And so He made Woman. Like the man, but different.

Two are better than one

Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one, for the results can be much better. - Ecclesiastes 4:9 TLB

Two are far better than one.
Oguchi, learn to incorporate this dimension in your life and work. (I'm fiercely independent and solitary). They get a better return for their labour - two working together in unity.

A Helper

A helper is not a servant, or an inferior position.
A helper is a co-labourer who shares in the vision and is motivated by the success of the venture.
A helper shares the burden.

When God made a helper for Adam, he did not make one just like Adam, he made one different from him. Her thinking was different, her body was different, even the way she was made was different. Adam had to adjust to her as she adjusts to him. He was used to being in control, calling the shots but now he could be challenged. His wife could say, 'why don't we do it this way? I think it's better.' This never happened before.

For partnership to work, there must be unity, humility, and a willingness to listen to the opinion of others and accept them in faith, even if you don't completely agree.
Two may not necessarily be comfortable together. They have to be vulnerable to each other but if there is trust, they will get through anything. 

If one person falls, the other can reach out and help him.
The issue of help is not dependent on size. A bigger person is not a greater help than a smaller person. Size does not matter, what matters is capacity.

Your helper is a person.
They need attention, care, support, love, appreciation.
You need to be more concerned about their person, their welfare.

They are not just tools for you to use.

God does not work except through partnership.
Think of what you have been able to accomplish on your own. Now think of more than double of what you were able to do.

A lesson on retaliation

One of the most difficult things to endure is an adversary, worse yet if they close to you. Joseph experienced jealously, hatred and envy from his brothers simply by being himself. The people who hurt us the most are people who are closest to us. What is remarkable in the life of Joseph is how he responded to these hostile attacks. What lessons can we learn from his lifestyle and attitude to the injustices he faced?

Injustice and unfair treatment is everywhere; at home, in the workplace, at the bank, on the street, everywhere. You just need to exist to be treated unfairly, and it hurts. The natural tendency is to wait for an opportunity to get even, to repay in kind what is done to you. Payback! Otherwise you'd wish that something similar or worse happens to the object of our misery. Serves you right! This is the natural tendency, but I see in the life of Joseph another way of responding to unfair treatment. One that did not wait for something terrible to happen to his brothers, he did not plan evil for them. There was no eye for an eye thinking in his heart. What did he do?

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. - Genesis 50:20

When Joseph was made a ruler over the land of Egypt, there was a famine in the land and only Egypt had food. This was the perfect circumstance to get even with his brothers who had him suffer greatly for so many years. They were bound to come to him to buy food. There was no better opportunity to strike back and pay them back, make them suffer, give them a taste of their own medicine. Yet he did not get even. He did not also get even with Potiphar, his old boss, who didn't believe him when his wife accused him of raping her. He did not get even with the old lady herself. He kept a positive attitude, and never retaliated. Why?

He said, you meant evil against me, but God mean it for good.... He saw God's overarching purpose through all he suffered. So it was not really about him or his brothers or Potiphar or the old lady, it was God using circumstances to bring him to the fulfilment of the dream he had as a boy.

A lot of the injustices we suffer is not about us, but God using the sin in the world to work out a wonderful work in our lives and through us, in the lives of others. When we look to God and trust that he is in control, in the midst of everything, working it out for his good pleasure, and for his ultimate glory, we will remove our eyes from others and peace will flood our hearts, and love will overcome hatred, envy and retaliation. Jesus preached against retaliation in his sermon on the mount and this should be our attitude as well.

It is not easy to overlook, forebear and refuse to retaliate when evil is done against you, sometimes daily. We all need help to make it like Joseph. God knows our weaknesses and if we express them to him in prayer, and seek his help to live this way, he will make us able, and we will find that we can do it just like Joseph did. It will take a change in our attitude and a continual looking to Jesus who is our perfect example for strength and ability. If we will make the effort, God will give us the grace to do it.

-ONWARD!