How do you choose?

Hello, it's me.

I always want to write more but can't seem to find the time. Do you ever feel like you want to do everything all at once? Like it's such a shame you have to choose to do this thing, and that thing and not all things you are interested in, and there's  not enough time both in 24hr cycles and the length of days to exhaustively explore all your interests? I feel that way all the time. It is both good and bad. Honestly I think it's terrible.

More and more I'm learning the need for focus. Focus means saying no to all the things you are interested in, passionate about, and picking one thing to do repeatedly until you have mastered it. Focus means saying no to a million things so you can say yes to one. Once I think about it, that's basically how the world works. A man chooses a woman out of the multitude of women and says to her, will you marry me, she also chooses him out of the multitude. Out of the millions of sperms swimming, only one finds the egg and fertilizes it. So why is it so difficult to cut everything else out and fixate on one?

Well when you choose one, how do you know that's the best one? How do you know that your happiness is maximised by the one you have chosen? Would choosing another one be better for you in the long term or not? There is risk involved in choosing. You never really know for sure if you have chosen the best. You think you have, you hope you have but you really don't know for sure. To know for sure, you need a way to evaluate all the different options and come out with the best. Humans are not capable of doing this, because we are bad at knowing what is good and it takes so much time to explore each option than the length of our days. This stuff is the preserve of God. So what do we do?

-ONWARD!

He must live

It's my birthday. This year is with every year, I am so grateful to God for life. I was very sick as a baby and as a toddler. As a teenager I had this huge yellow patch on my face right through high school. Nothing my mom tried worked. My classmates called me all kinds of names because of that patch. I also developed disgust for medicine due to all the medicines i had to take during this period.

As a young adult, there were several times I could have died. This one time we went to a park in Miri that had a waterfall. It was great. I can't swim so I stay in the shallow parts of any water body. I'm used to the gentle slope you experience at the beach so I approached this lake with that mindset. Expecting the gradual decline and experiencing a shock when suddenly there was nothing I could stand on. I sank and the bottom was deep. I went down once, came back up, looked around and everyone was laughing. I went the second time and as I came out I screamed help and a strong arm held me and led me out of the water. It was Jeremy. I could have died that day but didn't.

Designed this in Inkscape on the eve of my birthday

As I was praying, I suddenly realize contentions for my life and how God steps in always to say He Must Live. It's a privilege to have a father in heaven.

I'm grateful for my friends far and near and for my family. When I look back there is so much that has happened and I was just telling God that I am expectant to see what he has in store for me in the coming years.

Thank you father for life. I am grateful.

-ONWARD!

Its not about you

Hello. It's been a while.
So covid19 happened, everyone is home to help control the spread. We mostly have a lot of free time to do the things we have been meaning to do but couldn't because life or work gets in the way. But now there are very little excuses so there have been lots of baking, and making and creating and sharing and social going on virtually as we try to connect in safe ways enjoying each other's company, missing physical presence.

I've gone back to my old habits - books. I have a few books around I've not read and some I am re-reading because they're so good. I've also rediscovered my time alone with God, just studying and asking lots of questions, seeking the answers. This is a unique season to build up spiritually, to strengthen what remains and to add to what is already established.

I hope to write more since I have lots of free time, we'll see how it goes. But today I just want to share a brief word.

Sometimes the things we go through are not really about us. It's for the person, even if it's one person who will need your help, your wisdom or encouragement because you went through that one thing - disappointment, delays, heartbreak etc. I realize that God makes us go through these things sometimes to be a help to somebody else down the road. We don't realize until much later and God owes us no explanation. We ought to simply trust him and follow curiously and confidently.

I'll give an example with the story of Joseph. No one went through so much hardship like this man but he did not lose his courage, enthusiasm or trust in God. He never was sulking or disheartened. He never got angry with God for all the hard times. He knew it's all part of the journey and the destination was sure. At the end he was made prime minister of Egypt, and for what reason? To save his entire family. He went through such a winding road to the exact spot he needed to be to save his household and a whole nation. This is what God can do with your challenges and with your life if you will quit  struggling, quit asking why, quit trying to do your own thing and just trust him with the results. Surrender and the journey will be faster and in the end it will all be revealed what he was trying to accomplish with your life.

It's just a short word, I hope it blesses you. Until next time.

-ONWARD!

35

In May 2020 I will turn 35. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. By next year I would have spent exactly half of my allotted time on earth. When I look back at what I've used the first half to do, honestly I am underwhelmed. So what will the second half look like? What will be my focus, the driving force of my life? What will I pour my time and energy to achieve? How do I want to live, and die? These are the things that occupy my mind now.

I've rediscovered my passion for fixing things and hardware. I started life that way, messing with electronics. I also want to learn design more, be good at it. I want to get back to playing my guitar and making music. At the back of my mind there's this desire to teach some kind of class, just teach people what little I know in the subjects that interest me. We'll see how that pans out.

I don't have it all figured out but the little pieces are coming together. There really is not much time left. It could all end at any moment. Every breath draws us closer to the grave. I just want to make my life count for something.

-ONWARD!

INFP-T

It's been a while. So I took this Myer Briggs Personality test and INFP-T was the result I got. You can take the test too. Now once in a while I take these test and I don't quite keep track of them if they change overtime but they have been quite accurate. You can totally hack it and provide wrong answers to the questions just for fun.


There's a lot that is accurate about this test but I also believe that one should not read too much into it and accept it as the truth. The bible says I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. So even though I might be a dreamer of sorts, I can absolutely come out of that and do things that will cause Myer Briggs to scratch his head in bewilderment. There's that possiblity and I think we need to give ourselves room to allow it become reality.

That said, I also believe that we need to know ourselves very well. Life is a journey to self-discovery, among other things and this helps for the most part.

Feels good to write again.  Bye bye.

 
-ONWARD!