Our lives are made up of seasons. Seasons change and sometimes these changes can be quite difficult to adjust to like people leaving our lives, or moving to a new place where you don't know anyone and feel tired to try all over again making friends. Whats they point? They'll just leave again right?
I find myself sometimes thinking about people, those that seem to be moving on in life, getting married, finding jobs and stuff and there's a tinge of jealousy and some disappointment in myself. Its easy to just dwell on that and feel sorry for yourself. I have my low moments and I'm not a super-christian. Far from it. (Hopefully I will share about that sometime) But what choice do we have but to trust that we have not trusted wrongly. That He that started the work in your life will bring it to completion even if it doesn't seem like it will ever happen, not in a million years? Do I have a choice? (VCF camp theme once.)
Its possible these feelings will never go away. I mean even if you get a job, there will always be people who seem to be more prosperous, are happier, or whatever. But I guess that a certain level of contentment and gratitude helps keep things in the right perspective. I don't know. I'm trying to convince myself that there's a better day. Fear is an evil monster. The picture that comes to mind is the Balrog that took down Gandolf the grey in the Lord of the Rings movie. Terrible monster this fear.
Sometimes life beats you to a corner just like when tom gets jerry cornered and poor scared jerry pinned with no escape musters the courage to face tom and give him a beating or atleast enough to run away and hide in a hole. I guess its time to beat back to stare the monster down, show them what you've got. Surprise yourself, relying on His strength all the way. The funny thing about this monster is that even after beating him today, he's ready for another fight tomorrow. Relentless monster this one.
Lord I know you have the best for me. Teach me not to settle for less, go my own way, fight the battles that are yours. I pray that your word will beat down these monsters that bother me, and set my feet on the rock of your unfailing words. I receive your strength to take on these monsters everyday. mmeka nnam.
-ONWARD