huh?

I may not be understood in this post, so if you dont quite understand its ok. I did it on purpose but let the discerning, discern.

If there's one thing i've learnt about God its that he puts us through tests for a few reasons. One of them is to mould our character and make us more like His son Jesus. And if there's one thing i've learnt about myself, its this; i'm a slow learner when it comes to matters of character so the same tests will come over and over and over again before i finally get it. And it helps that God is patient otherwise, well lets not go there.

Humans are creatures of habit so they say and habits are easy to form but difficult to kick. Try waking up at 5 every morning for 1 week!

Almost three years ago my life changed forever, I was so happy, life couldnt be better until certain realities set in and the tests began. The root of the choices i made was been shaken to see if they were well grounded or not and i found myself doubting and feeling quite unsure about myself. I thought i was ok, things couldnt be better right. Well yes and no. Things are great but...its like this. This is the was i see it.

We all are like a log of wood just cut down, crude, raw, no very good to look at. But then God uses the people around us, friends, pastors, leaders, even his word and sometimes hard experiences to chisel us into shape. Some chisel hard and other just need to fine and smoothen and it works perfectly if we can co-operate and let them do their work in us. But most times we dont, most times i dont and just like pastor said, we become hard and so they have to chisel again and again and again until we let go and let the work be done.

One thing though in all this process is that we hurt those around us because its not entirely about us. We do not exist alone. Since eden, no one has ever been alone so God relates to us with respect to others. He uses people to get our attention and even we hurt ourselves and think its just me and God guess what, chances are you're hurting someone else too. Someone who obviously cares otherwise why would they feel it?

I was trying to explain to leslie this afternoon what it means to study computer science and went through some of the branches or areas of expertise all in an effort to elighten him and i could feel words failing me. I'm not sure if he understood even though he was kind enough to nod and seemed to agree with what i was sharing but i could feel i wasnt being clear enough. So words fail me sometimes. That is probably why this post looks very cryptic but i guess if i could show him what i meant he would appreciate it more, i guess if i could show it it would make more sense.

again my apologies...

~shalom~