A few years ago, I left Kuching and traveled 13 hours by bus to Miri to start a new chapter of my life. After my Diploma in Electrical/Electronics Engineering, I decided to do something different and applied for a degree program in Computer Science. It's what I always wanted to do but I think I underestimated how challenging it would be. My biggest worry at the time was whether I would find the same kind of people I found in Kuching. Coming to Bethany was the best thing that happened to me and I wanted that to continue.
Well even before leaving I heard about VCF (Varsity Christian Fellowship) from Kim and got in touch with Kenin through his blog. I also learned about Calvary Charismatic Center so was considering joining that church but have not made up my mind at the time.
Joining VCF was another good thing that happened to me. I love the people, and how they served and gave of themselves. How they loved other people. My favourite times were just hanging out, or celebrating someone's birthday or going out for dinner or supper together. There was this one time where a few of us went to the beach early for a bbq. Man the bbqs were the best. There used to be one every end of semester to celebrate the end of exams and to get together once more before everyone went back home.
Straight away after joining VCF I was made assistant cell group leader with Diana. I'm not sure which days but we met in campus 12 - 2 and it was a short time of sharing. Our group was small and it was very challenging because I'm not good at teaching or leading these kind of things. But I was assistant leader so it was not too much work. Over time I got more and more responsibilities and even was voted as President for a year. Not my choice but I'm glad that happened. It taught me a lot about myself and my abilities and inabilities. I love serving in VCF, I love the people and it's funny how it changes shape every year but the core function is still there. I really thank God for that.
Joining CCC was also a blessing. At the time I was in Curtin Villa and Samson was my next door neighbour. And he asked me if I had decided on a church yet and I hadn't so he invited me to church. I always enjoyed the message in church, the music was good sometimes but the people are the best. There are some churches where it's like everyone is so talented and they give their best in worship and in everything. Then there are some churches where people just show up and get the job done. Which is better? I think more than anything what matters is the heart and I see a lot of heart in the way people serve in Calvary.
While there we were involved, by we I mean most of the young people, in various things. We ran Youth Alpha on campus, went on the reading bus and served weekly in church. The most exciting times for me was when we started a young adults cell group. It came at the right time. I really needed that time of fellowship and worship with the young people and I was really blessed by the times I spent in cell.
In the earlier days I joined EYM at SIB Canada hill. Their style was very similar to Bethany and it was nice to have in the beginning but I soon stopped going because it was quite a distance from Senadin and I didn't always have transport. But I had a very nice time.
I'm really grateful for the time I spent in Miri. I think I was there longer than I was in Kuching. I am grateful for the friends I met there and the fellowships I had with people. I'm particularly grateful for the opportunity to serve with different people and do all kinds of crazy things. Looking back I have no regrets whatsoever. Sure it was not a smooth ride but looking back now I only remember the good stuff. As for the next chapter, I don't know what's going to happen but I'm determined to continue to serve wherever I am. I think it's the only worthwhile thing one can do with this life.
-ONWARD!
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
the opposite way
The past few months have been really challenging and difficult for me. Making life-changing decisions is not easy, I don't know what is right and what is wrong. Every decision has its pros and cons so you have to weigh each carefully. On top of everything there are external pressures and expectations.
Last Thursday when everyone was sharing about how they got to know me and what I meant to them in cell group, I realised that most of what I have done in all my time here has been with the church. And most of the people I know were through church or CF. They shared some really nice things, and I felt blessed that I could be a part of their lives.
It's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep because I'm worried and thinking about so many things and I don't have peace and I feel all alone. In the midst of these things, I'm thinking about the meaning of life. What is the point? What are we really living for? To please people? To live up to expectations? Keep up social appearances? What is it? If that's all my life amounts to, a struggle to the end to win the validation of my friends and family then that would be really sad and I don't want any of it.
You just can't please everyone. And some people will be disappointed in they way you choose to live your life, they will be disappointed at your decisions, they will be disappointed because they have an idea in their heads how you are supposed to turn out, and that idea is in conflict with who you are and who you want to be. And you have to decide to be who you are, what makes you you and be satisfied in that or choose to be who they want you to be and be miserable.
I've decided that I don't care about what people say about me, if they judge me, make fun of me, ridicule me or anything. I've decided to live my life the way I'm uniquely designed. I've decided to do what I know is right, even though it's not popular and it may seem foolish. Just because most people take path A and are successful does not mean that you should do the same. We all have a role to play in this life, we all have a path to travel, we are all unique that way.
I've decided to trust that the decision I have made is the right one. Even though it turns out not to be, I've decided to trust that God is big enough to bring me to the right place in his own way and in his own time. I think it takes courage to do the unpopular thing and to look like a fool for what you know is right. Time will tell.
-ONWARD!
Last Thursday when everyone was sharing about how they got to know me and what I meant to them in cell group, I realised that most of what I have done in all my time here has been with the church. And most of the people I know were through church or CF. They shared some really nice things, and I felt blessed that I could be a part of their lives.
It's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep because I'm worried and thinking about so many things and I don't have peace and I feel all alone. In the midst of these things, I'm thinking about the meaning of life. What is the point? What are we really living for? To please people? To live up to expectations? Keep up social appearances? What is it? If that's all my life amounts to, a struggle to the end to win the validation of my friends and family then that would be really sad and I don't want any of it.
You just can't please everyone. And some people will be disappointed in they way you choose to live your life, they will be disappointed at your decisions, they will be disappointed because they have an idea in their heads how you are supposed to turn out, and that idea is in conflict with who you are and who you want to be. And you have to decide to be who you are, what makes you you and be satisfied in that or choose to be who they want you to be and be miserable.
I've decided that I don't care about what people say about me, if they judge me, make fun of me, ridicule me or anything. I've decided to live my life the way I'm uniquely designed. I've decided to do what I know is right, even though it's not popular and it may seem foolish. Just because most people take path A and are successful does not mean that you should do the same. We all have a role to play in this life, we all have a path to travel, we are all unique that way.
I've decided to trust that the decision I have made is the right one. Even though it turns out not to be, I've decided to trust that God is big enough to bring me to the right place in his own way and in his own time. I think it takes courage to do the unpopular thing and to look like a fool for what you know is right. Time will tell.
-ONWARD!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Me and my dad
"When you get into the car, wear your seatbelt and lock the door. Don't let me remind you again." When I started my 4th year of secondary school I had to follow my dad because he left earlier than my mom. Right from primary school I've always gone with my mom but they started punishing late comers and I'd had enough at that point. That was the first thing he told me when I got into the car. I still remember it till this day. It has become a habit so that when I get into any car I put on my seatbelt, but cars these days lock themselves.
My dad is not affectionate. He has never hugged me or told me he loved me. He seemed more concerned about my studies to the point that I resented studying and him. His work takes him away from his family for weeks, sometimes even months at a time and as a result I don't have a strong bond with him. I don't know what he likes or what gives him joy. I don't know my dad. Our difference in ideology and faith further draw us apart and even now that we are separated by distance and time zones our relationship has not improved much. I used to hate my dad, I used to think I was adopted because of the disconnect between how I was treated and how I saw other families treat their sons.
The best thing that happened to me, that changed the way I thought about my father was seeing a good example of a father. To me and to many, Pastor Cheli has been an example of a good father. I see how he treat his sons, both biological and spiritual, his life has made a difference in my life. I also grew to know the love of my heavenly father. His love is more than I deserve. When I was utterly alone, depressed and in despair He was there. His love is unconditional, unfailing, unending. Knowing God and learning to draw closer to him, relying on him in all things has changed my heart.
I don't hate my dad anymore. I have settled in my heart that I cannot live up to his expectations and I won't try. But I can be a better son, I can allow God's love to reach him through me. If anything I feel a bit sorry for him. I have no idea what his life was like growing up and he never talks about himself. Maybe he just doesn't know how to do all these affectionate stuff, at least I have God to show me what love is, he doesn't have that yet.
For what it's worth, I actually admire him. When I think of a strong, smart, hardworking man, I think of my dad. He can fix anything from clogged sinks to generators and cars. I have memories of him being called in the middle of the night for a job and he leaves. It's a sacrifice he makes to make our lives a bit better. My dad is a generous man who gives to people, even those who say bad things about him. He's a terrible driver who makes use of every inch of the road and God help you if you're in his way. He won't hit you but it'll be really close. He's a wild man and I like it.
While I can't say with all my heart that I love my dad, I can say that I don't resent him anymore. I couldn't say that a few years ago. These things take time I guess but I long for the day when I can sit down with him and hear all his stories. And maybe hear him say that he is proud of me.
This father's day I sent a message to him, reminding him of what he said that day I got into his car and how I missed working with him fixing things around the house and his response was thnx. If you think I'm quiet now you know where it comes from.
My sister sent this to me just now as I was writing this post.
I'm not a father yet but hope to be one someday. My family is weird but it's all I have and I love everyone of them.
-ONWARD!
My dad is not affectionate. He has never hugged me or told me he loved me. He seemed more concerned about my studies to the point that I resented studying and him. His work takes him away from his family for weeks, sometimes even months at a time and as a result I don't have a strong bond with him. I don't know what he likes or what gives him joy. I don't know my dad. Our difference in ideology and faith further draw us apart and even now that we are separated by distance and time zones our relationship has not improved much. I used to hate my dad, I used to think I was adopted because of the disconnect between how I was treated and how I saw other families treat their sons.
The best thing that happened to me, that changed the way I thought about my father was seeing a good example of a father. To me and to many, Pastor Cheli has been an example of a good father. I see how he treat his sons, both biological and spiritual, his life has made a difference in my life. I also grew to know the love of my heavenly father. His love is more than I deserve. When I was utterly alone, depressed and in despair He was there. His love is unconditional, unfailing, unending. Knowing God and learning to draw closer to him, relying on him in all things has changed my heart.
I don't hate my dad anymore. I have settled in my heart that I cannot live up to his expectations and I won't try. But I can be a better son, I can allow God's love to reach him through me. If anything I feel a bit sorry for him. I have no idea what his life was like growing up and he never talks about himself. Maybe he just doesn't know how to do all these affectionate stuff, at least I have God to show me what love is, he doesn't have that yet.
For what it's worth, I actually admire him. When I think of a strong, smart, hardworking man, I think of my dad. He can fix anything from clogged sinks to generators and cars. I have memories of him being called in the middle of the night for a job and he leaves. It's a sacrifice he makes to make our lives a bit better. My dad is a generous man who gives to people, even those who say bad things about him. He's a terrible driver who makes use of every inch of the road and God help you if you're in his way. He won't hit you but it'll be really close. He's a wild man and I like it.
While I can't say with all my heart that I love my dad, I can say that I don't resent him anymore. I couldn't say that a few years ago. These things take time I guess but I long for the day when I can sit down with him and hear all his stories. And maybe hear him say that he is proud of me.
This father's day I sent a message to him, reminding him of what he said that day I got into his car and how I missed working with him fixing things around the house and his response was thnx. If you think I'm quiet now you know where it comes from.
My sister sent this to me just now as I was writing this post.
Happy Fathers Day bro! I'm celebrating the father you will become, not just to my nephews and nieces but to every young person.
I'm not a father yet but hope to be one someday. My family is weird but it's all I have and I love everyone of them.
-ONWARD!
Friday, June 07, 2013
when you lose everything
Yesterday in cell, in discussing why God allows bad things to happen to people, Job came up and I thought it provided a nice contrast to the past post on Joseph. While Joseph was lifted up in one day, Job lost everything he had in one day.
When thinking about why bad things happen to good people, the story of Job provides a good example of how to respond to bad events in our lives. It is inevitable that we will go through rough times and be shaken at some point in our lives. For him, he was tested to see if he will still love God if God took every good thing from his life and for the most part he remained faithful to God. He believed that God is still good despite what he eyes, his wife, his friends were telling him. He trusted God and God was pleased with him and blessed him indeed.
Another test case is Abraham. After being promised to be blessed beyond measure, and told his offspring will be as numerous as the sands, God commanded Abraham to kill that son that was key to his promise. Consider what that can do to a man's heart. He had a choice to be despondent and moan and think things through but he chose to obey this unusual of commands. And God stopped him before he could murder his son and was pleased by his faith in God. God blessed him indeed.
I could talk of Daniel but you see a theme here. Someone said "who God uses mightily, he tests greatly" or something like that. The challenge for most of us, for me too, is staying faithful in the heat of these hard times. How do you keep your faith from wavering in the midst of the storm? How did they do it? I think trust comes through understanding. I believe these men understood who God was and they trusted him even when it was completely hopeless. So it's important to understand God or at least how he operates.
I believe God is good and cannot do any evil. I believe God is love and everything he does it out of love. I believe God is just and does not show favouritism to anyone. When you have the right idea of God, it helps change the way you think about things. From God's perspective, I believe that more than anything he wants our hearts. Usually when our hearts are far away he will use his means to get our attention and draw us nearer to him for fellowship. There is nothing more valuable than the soul of a man to God so it makes sense that he will do whatever it takes to preserve it. What we see as bad situations or events may just be God's way to get our attention. This is not always the case though.
So God tests us, just like Abraham or Job, but the devil sends temptations. Tests are made to uplift, they expose the true nature of our hearts. Temptations though are designed to make us fall. When Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights, he was not tested, he was tempted. I think it's important to make a distinction between the two.
The things with hard times is that they help us develop 'spiritual muscles' and prepare us to be used in a greater way. The reward for passing the test is far greater than these men could imagine and whatever the lost in the process was restored more than they expected. And don't worry if you fail a test, sometimes you get to retake it.
-ONWARD!
When thinking about why bad things happen to good people, the story of Job provides a good example of how to respond to bad events in our lives. It is inevitable that we will go through rough times and be shaken at some point in our lives. For him, he was tested to see if he will still love God if God took every good thing from his life and for the most part he remained faithful to God. He believed that God is still good despite what he eyes, his wife, his friends were telling him. He trusted God and God was pleased with him and blessed him indeed.
Another test case is Abraham. After being promised to be blessed beyond measure, and told his offspring will be as numerous as the sands, God commanded Abraham to kill that son that was key to his promise. Consider what that can do to a man's heart. He had a choice to be despondent and moan and think things through but he chose to obey this unusual of commands. And God stopped him before he could murder his son and was pleased by his faith in God. God blessed him indeed.
I could talk of Daniel but you see a theme here. Someone said "who God uses mightily, he tests greatly" or something like that. The challenge for most of us, for me too, is staying faithful in the heat of these hard times. How do you keep your faith from wavering in the midst of the storm? How did they do it? I think trust comes through understanding. I believe these men understood who God was and they trusted him even when it was completely hopeless. So it's important to understand God or at least how he operates.
I believe God is good and cannot do any evil. I believe God is love and everything he does it out of love. I believe God is just and does not show favouritism to anyone. When you have the right idea of God, it helps change the way you think about things. From God's perspective, I believe that more than anything he wants our hearts. Usually when our hearts are far away he will use his means to get our attention and draw us nearer to him for fellowship. There is nothing more valuable than the soul of a man to God so it makes sense that he will do whatever it takes to preserve it. What we see as bad situations or events may just be God's way to get our attention. This is not always the case though.
So God tests us, just like Abraham or Job, but the devil sends temptations. Tests are made to uplift, they expose the true nature of our hearts. Temptations though are designed to make us fall. When Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights, he was not tested, he was tempted. I think it's important to make a distinction between the two.
The things with hard times is that they help us develop 'spiritual muscles' and prepare us to be used in a greater way. The reward for passing the test is far greater than these men could imagine and whatever the lost in the process was restored more than they expected. And don't worry if you fail a test, sometimes you get to retake it.
-ONWARD!
Friday, May 10, 2013
obscurity to prominence
The story of Joseph is a fascinating one. You can read it so many times and still be impressed by this remarkable man. There's no account of him losing his cool or wavering in his faith. He had confidence that God will come through for him no matter what present situation. That's a faith and conviction worth admiring, and aspiring to.
Reading Genesis 41 again, I realised something new. Where did he learn to interpret dreams? His parents didn't teach him. It doesn't matter really. But the thing that stood out for me was when Pharaoh had his dream and all the expert dream interpreters could not help him. God created a problem in Egypt only Joesph could solve. And in one day he rose from obscurity to prominence.
I find this story to be very encouraging. In lifegroup a few people shared how looking back at their lives, they can see God orchestrating and directing them through what seemed to be disappointments at the time to something better. God is good.
So take heart
Let his word lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again.
-ONWARD!
Reading Genesis 41 again, I realised something new. Where did he learn to interpret dreams? His parents didn't teach him. It doesn't matter really. But the thing that stood out for me was when Pharaoh had his dream and all the expert dream interpreters could not help him. God created a problem in Egypt only Joesph could solve. And in one day he rose from obscurity to prominence.
I find this story to be very encouraging. In lifegroup a few people shared how looking back at their lives, they can see God orchestrating and directing them through what seemed to be disappointments at the time to something better. God is good.
So take heart
Let his word lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again.
-ONWARD!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)